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Parenting after a Loss
Torn about going back to work
Ladies, I feel so incredibly torn. I have never been one who wanted to be a SAHM. I've worked hard to get where I am - been through lots of grad school, and have worked hard at my company to secure a good job.
Well I knew that once I got pregnant, I wouldn't be able to swing the hours at work and be a decent mom. I pull 10 hour days minimum at work, and add the commute, and my days are practically 12 hours out of the house. So I negotiated a 3 day in the office deal with work. I would go in Mon, Wed, and Thurs, and Tues and Fri I would just be off. If I worked a few hours from home, I could bill for those. I was so grateful to my bosses for this flexible arrangement.
Well now that push comes to shove, I don't know if I can swing it. I found a nanny that I like... I don't want to put DD into a daycare at this stage... she is just so little. So I have a few issues. One is being away from DD for such long days 3 days a week. Then getting home, rushing to spend a few minutes with her, and putting her to bed. I would just feel so wrong not being with her for so many hours in a day. Knowing that someone else is.
A second issue is my rest. She is still up a few times a night. How can I swing the nights, and still get up early in the morning, get ready for work, battle the freeways to work, concentrate all day, and then battle nasty traffic on the way home? I can just see myself bursting into tears at the sheer exhaustion and frustration of it.
A third issue is money. With my reduced hours at work, and the cost of having a nanny come to our house, I'd really only be netting about 35% of my current pay. Is this even worth it?
I cried about it with DH last night. I just feel so torn. I want to maintain my professional career... I just don't know if I would be able to stomach it. We want to try for number 2 next year. How could I handle all that?
A very lucky thing is that DH is very supportive. He says if I want to stay home, we will make it work.
Anyone else go through this? I just don't know what to do.
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Re: Torn about going back to work
Hey girl...I haven't gone through it but I know how you feel about having to return to work. I can't even think about it without getting really emotional about leaving Avery. I enjoy her so much I don't like to be away from her.
Maybe instead of working 10 hour days, you can reduce those hours and then work from home on your off days? that way you won't be away from Maya for so long?
If we could afford for me to stay home I would stay home in a heart beat and this is coming from someone who never wanted to be a SAHM. It doesn't help that I hate my current job and have NO desire to go back to it (please think of me next wednesday - I have a job interview for a new position and then maybe i'd be more willing to leave avery!).
Just wanted to let you know that i'm thinking of you and I hope you find something that will work for you. and it might be easier once you're actually doing it instead of thinking about it, ya know?
IMHO. if you can swing it financially & WANT to do it, do it! I would in a heatbeat.
Have you thought about finding a job close to home? just a thought...
Trust me - you make it work if you have to. DD still doesn't sleep through the night, and I work a full-time job with a long commute. Your body adjusts.
First off, I wanted to say I don't think you deserved the flames you got on 0-6 yesterday with the nanny post. I'm sorry you had to go through that.
I don't have any answers for you, but I wanted to say that I sympathize! I go back to work at the end of Jan., Aidan STTN, and my husband works nights so we don't have to pay for any childcare -- and I STILL don't want to go back to work! I never thought I would be like that either, but I love being home with him. I've been through grad school, too, and although we couldn't afford for me to stay home now, I can't say I don't fantasize about it in the future! Your situation sounds really hard, and overwhelming. I think Valkaz is right, and you will adjust, but it doesn't mean it won't be frustrating. You probably just really need to really weigh the pros and cons of working vs. staying home. What does your DH think?
I am already back at work and am gone 11hrs a day because the commute adds a lot. I have a bunch of vacation days saved so I have been able to use them in pieces and get down to mostly 3 days a week. I usually try to do mon, wed, fri - I have found that while it is a long day it makes it so much better to know the next day I have off. I have just been taking it one day at a time. In January I will be back to 5 days a week and not looking forward to that.
3 days a week really isnt bad. Although Jenna sleeps well at night - will get up once sometimes but it only takes a 10min feeding and she is back down so it isn't bad. Also I commute by train so I can sleep on the train there and back which ends up making it easier than the days I'm off with no naps
I would say try it out and see how it goes. I know that when she was little I couldn't imagine going back but actually right around the time I had to go back (she was 12weeks) she got bigger and calmer and I felt a lot better about leaving her.