Confused...from a "newbie"

MeganS313 · May 2012

I, like panacea, have read through all the posts and am thoroughly confused on how this become an oldies vs. newbies "war?" But, as a newbie, I thought maybe I'd share a few thoughts and echo a few others as well.

I joined this board a little over a month ago, so I am pretty new. I feel I have tried to give lots of support whenever I could. Luckily, we havent any IF issues so I was at a loss for lots of those questions b/c I have no experience with medications etc. As a pharmacist I know a lot of "scientific" information, but that is not the reason people on this board ask the questions so I usually don't respond.

I have been an active member of Sept 2010 momma's since finding out I was KU with DS. Recently, we have also had a slew of BFP drive-bys and I understand the hurt and frustration we all feel when several of us are/have been trying for quite some time. I totally understand the hurt feelings, that people just don't think about. Its hard to squee and be excited, and I generally avoid those posts.

Because of this, I enjoy some of the snark that goes on here. I, often times, will continue reading a phishing post simply to see the hilarioius and snarky responses. However, I think of late some of them have gone a little too far. I know there are lots of us having a rough time lately, as witnessed by our posts. However, I have to agree with a PP that maybe we could limit it to 1-2 posts to alert others and then end it there.

I totally appreciate all of the support I have received on this board. I feel that you all are a wealth of knowledge and I honestly don't know what I would have done without some of you during this time. I understand this board is not intended to be P&R's. There is a mc/loss board for the fresh emotions of a loss...then people come to this board when they are ready to move on. I have to say though, I think there is a little room for P&Rs here. I am all for being honest...I don't agree with telling people to test 5dpo or that it's fine to take meds without consuling a doctor, etc. However, many women on this board are STILL fresh off a loss. This board has/had a sense of hope for many women that, personally, I feel is being lost.
There is a reason that we have a seperate board for 6+months. You all have been through this longer and are tired, understandably, of the P&R's. But, many women who haven't been here very long are not yet. I say this, not asking or intending for the 6+ women to not post here. Without you, this board would lose TREMENDOUSLY. You have been a wealth of knowledge to MANY women on this board. However, I think some of the snark is excessive here and has more of a place in 6+ months. Again, I am not saying in any way that I think you should stop posting here, as your advice is very valuable.

I hope I am not flamed for this post or put through the ringer...but I felt I need to say some of this. I am totally confused on how this, which seemed to me at least like a misunderstanding, has escalated so much.
I thank you all so much for your support and I hope I have been able to help some of you as well.
I hope this board can continue to be a supportive place for women to ask questions and get honest answers and hear others experiences.

MeganS313 · May 2012

Petra-no this is not what I was trying to say at all. I was saying that we ALL need to give support to get support. However, I think the snarkiness has gotten to be a little bit much lately, and NOT just from oldies. I think this board would be lost without ALL of its members, new and old alike. I was only trying to say that maybe we should censor a little. Not soft and fluffy, but censored some. I like what the PP said about only having 1-2 snarky responses to phishing posts, and leaving it at that. If the ladies on 6+ months want something different, that is why there is another board in my opinion. B/c theyve been at this longer, they're tired of censored and want to just put it out there sometimes.
I know that not everyone will agree, but just giving my opinion.
I do think, because we've had more snarky lately, that the board has changed tones some. And I do think we've lost somethign on this board, because some of the valued members are leaving it, and not for a celebratory reason.

minicheezburg · May 2012

raashton · May 2012

Megan, I understand where you are coming from in being taken aback by the snark, gifs, and PIP. I will admit, when I first arrived here back in Octoberish (so I am one of those in-between people), it was a bit of a culture shock, but I did have to remind myself, "There is a reason that this has developed this way."

Petra is right, there is a sort of stress relief with letting the snark fly on a phishing/troll/drive by post. Not going to lie, I enjoy it on a post that is blatantly out to hurt people on the day I have the energy to keep up. Other days, I will ignore it. But asking others to limit their reactions on an obviously hurtful post will only damage those asked to hold their tongues. This is their home and they want to protect it just as a mama bear wants to protect her home and make sure that intruders know what is what when they decide to seek to harm.

As time goes by, it does get easier to see the difference between a troll post, a poorly written intro (that may make you go hmmm...), and a genuine intro. I would much prefer that you, recent intros, and all the genuine intros to come get to move on before these skills are developed and honed.

As for how did that become an Oldie vs Newbie issue, that issue has been here since the board came to be and will continue to be up for discussion years from now. "Newbies" will be apprehensive to post, fearing that they won't be contributing correctly. "Oldies" will be mindful of keeping the board a haven for those who respect and love it. Oddly enough, both of these feelings and behaviors come from a place of love, the desire to be supported and give support.

raashton · May 2012

PetraStonegirl:

I love this picture. It made my day- quite possibly my holiday weekend.

CashewsMommy · May 2012

I honestly don't see this as a "oldies" vs "newbies" war. I see it being termed that for lack of a better term.

I see it as a "snark" vs "p&r" war.

The people who snark and use PIPs and gifs vs the people who want everyone to be happy, nice and kind to everyone - no matter what.

Are there times that the snark goes too far. Yes. Are there times that the p&r makes me puke. Yes.

Snark and P&R are hard things to develop a happy medium with. This board will always have the 1 or 2 who really take the honesty to the next level. Suntoto, Carrie, SMS, Wicked and a few others I would lump into that category. They're the ones you look to when you need a blunt and honest answer. They're also the ones who straighten things out when the board starts to fray. They're blunt. They don't beat around the bush. You wear your big girl panties.

But you also have the P&R girls on the board. With these two types, a happy medium does happen.... as long as the two types leave each other alone. You bite your tongue and move on... for both ends. Only when it becomes EXCESSIVE would a "gang up on the meanie head" should happen. And believe me, Wicked was no where near that!!! We used to have a member who would snark on you if you complained that AF showed after your 1st - 3rd cycle.

What happened here this weekend, is the P&R girls decided what Wicked was doing was EXCESSIVE. What made it to be what happened this weekend, was beyond me. What Wicked did this weekend was NOTHING. She never said an over the top rude thing to the newbie. She gave it a side eye, because they asked the same question as before... and she reminded everyone that they need to give support to get it.

{Which I discussed the Give Support / Get Support thing in another post. I can copy and past if need be.}

Wicked was in no way shape or form doing anything that I would cringe at. And yes, there has been times where I cringed because I thought he was being too mean... but very very few times.

Right now the thing that's getting me is people saying the snark is excessive on the board today. Maybe its because when I was new, the snark now would have been considered P&R.... so hearing the snark now being called excessive.... is strange. Maybe that's just where i'm coming from. I don't know.