Had a great weekend but...

StephNordenmalm · May 2012

I had an awesome weekend with my DH and friends. We were out on the boat, knee boarding, wake boarding and tubing all day yesteday. Today I hung out by the pool with some girlfriends and had some drinks.

Yet on the way home all I could think is that I shouldnt be able to do these things. I should be sitting at home 8 months pregnant having a boring summer thinking about how the end of my pregnancy is nearing.

When my friends bought there boat this past winter, I knew that I was going to be able to go out with everyone on it, and I knew that this summer I wasnt going to be laying out and have some drinks. But now things have changed.

I guess I am just feeling down that this summer is not anything like I expected it would be. I am trying to just enjoy but sometimes its hard.

Anyone else ever feel this way? I have no idea how to explain this feeling to my friends or DH so I thought Id share with you ladies who can understand.

pinktrojanbride120107 · May 2012

You're not alone at all. I am constantly thinking about the "should have beens." I think it's going to take a lot of work to refocus our thinking on our new reality and to learn to appreciate each moment for what it is. I hope your summer will be filled with lots of new, wonderful memories and spectacular moments.

iheartcoffee · May 2012

Me!

My last m/c was in sept 11. I should have a 2 week old baby right now =( That is exactly how felt this weekend as well, thinking that I should have a newborn during the holiday. ((HUGS)) to you and Im glad that you did at least get to go out and have some fun.

jenn0021 · May 2012

I'm so sorry you're feeling this way. And I totally get it. It's so hard when things aren't going as we had hoped and planned and being sad about it is normal. Know that we are here for you and we get it. The last year and a half is nothing like I had thought it would be. But there are blessings in there too. Just remember that. ((hugs))

raashton · May 2012

Hugs and love, sweetie. I feel the exact same way!

Instead of taking care of a little baby and going on the family vacay so everyone can ooooo and aaaahhh over my beautiful child, I am going to school, starting and internship, and missing out on the vacation. It sucks.

Be patient with yourself during this summer. Not only do we have to grieve the loss of our babies, we also have to grieve the life we thought we would be living but don't get to anymore.

jenn0021 · May 2012

raashton:
Hugs and love, sweetie. I feel the exact same way!

Instead of taking care of a little baby and going on the family vacay so everyone can ooooo and aaaahhh over my beautiful child, I am going to school, starting and internship, and missing out on the vacation. It sucks.

Be patient with yourself during this summer. Not only do we have to grieve the loss of our babies, we also have to grieve the life we thought we would be living but don't get to anymore.

I love this.

luvsdogs2 · May 2012

OMG thank you! I've been feeling depressed all day and wasn't sure why, but I think you hit the nail on the head. This is supposed to be the starting weekend of a drink-free, growing-belly summer. And it's not. Well, the amount of drinking I'm doing is growing my belly, come to think of it lol. But all joking aside, yeah, this is one more holiday to remind us of what we don't have

ChloBub · May 2012

We all get the shoulda-coulda-wouldas. It's hard not to, but I hope you were able to have some fun despite the sad feelings. ((((((HUGS))))))

StephNordenmalm · May 2012

Thanks so much ladies! I really wish I could just move past the should have been's. I really am trying to just live in the moment as much as possible lately. Its nice to know that I am not alone in having these feelings. I really want to keep enjoying life and all the things going on. You just know every now and again these feelings have their way of creeping back up.

Maryland Baby · May 2012

I want to tell you that 8 months pregnant in this heat would be miserable and try to justify it for you but I know how you feel, so saying that is just me trying to make it better, and it won't at all. You're not alone and nothing can take that away. I hope that you have a summer full of hope, happiness, and lots of fun filled memories! and I truly hope you never enjoy a summer like this in the same way again. My DH wouldn't get it either.. I'm so sorry, you shouldn't have to go through this. Lots of ((HUGS))

whiteroses05 · May 2012

I totally get this!! Like all the things I did this weekend from boating to the zipline. All these things I should not of been doing if I was still pregnant. Its also the way I feel about my vacation. Even though we are able to do these things it just don't seem right. We plan so far ahead thinking about the things moving out without us bc we were pregnant at time. Now we have to rethink everything. What you are feeling I would say everyone of us can relate to. I know I can. Just know you arent alone in feeling this way. {{{HUGS}}}

medblais · May 2012

I definitely understand. Usually it will hit me now whenever I least expect it. I was supposed to be a stay at home mom, not working at the school again. And I am having the same feeling about our upcoming trip. DH and I are going to Curacoa in June, to escape from reality while we endure Genevieve's death day and Father's Day. We shouldn't be able to go on the trip because we should have a one yr old at home. But we don't.

StephNordenmalm · May 2012

Maryland Baby:
I want to tell you that 8 months pregnant in this heat would be miserable and try to justify it for you but I know how you feel, so saying that is just me trying to make it better, and it won't at all. You're not alone and nothing can take that away. I hope that you have a summer full of hope, happiness, and lots of fun filled memories! and I truly hope you never enjoy a summer like this in the same way again. My DH wouldn't get it either.. I'm so sorry, you shouldn't have to go through this. Lots of ((HUGS))

My DH said something similar I know he didnt mean it in a hurtful way one bit and he was only trying to to make me feel better but he said at least you can go out on the boat. Keeping my fingers crossed that next summer I might not be able to

panacea05 · May 2012

jenn0021:
raashton:
Hugs and love, sweetie. I feel the exact same way!

Instead of taking care of a little baby and going on the family vacay so everyone can ooooo and aaaahhh over my beautiful child, I am going to school, starting and internship, and missing out on the vacation. It sucks.

Be patient with yourself during this summer. Not only do we have to grieve the loss of our babies, we also have to grieve the life we thought we would be living but don't get to anymore.
I love this.

Me, too. Raashton, you always have a way with words, and this is one of the best things you've ever said here.

pinktrojanbride120107 · May 2012

StephNordenmalm:
Thanks so much ladies! I really wish I could just move past the should have been's. I really am trying to just live in the moment as much as possible lately. Its nice to know that I am not alone in having these feelings. I really want to keep enjoying life and all the things going on. You just know every now and again these feelings have their way of creeping back up.

It's definitely not an easy thing to do, and I'm not even sure it's something we should do -- part of the grieving.

s.alarie · May 2012

It's such a difficult internal conflict. You know you should be having fun tubing/drinking/boating/etc, because that's normally fun stuff to do! It almost makes you feel worse for not having fun because you should/would/could be pregnant. It's such a sucky cycle to be stuck in.

I hope you can find balance between the two. Allow yourself time to be bummed out about it, then try to enjoy your day. (((hugs)))

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