TTC After a Loss

Ugh, why do I lurk on my old BMB? (Pregnancy mentioned)

I feel so close to those women and I want to keep track of how they're doing but it was hard today to see a whole bunch of 'felt the baby move', 'dad felt the baby kick' kind of posts. That's what I should be writing right now instead of this pity party post.

It is sweet to see so many of them with the badge they made me in their siggies, that chokes me up every time, that they cared enough to do that for me and my little guy. 

I'm in such a weird place right now, I like being able to post some support for the women on the Loss boards and I hope it helps, but I also feel like I still need a lot myself. The only thing that helps me is to think about the future and how that will be me again some day soon.

Ok, pity party over! 

**Warning: Losses and living child mentioned**
BFP#1 1/31/12, EDD 10/6/12 Harrison Gray born sleeping @ 18w6d. You changed our lives little guy.
BFP#2 EDD 10/29/13, C/P 2/25/13, Bye little Ish, we barely got to know you.
BFP#3 EDD 12/21/13, Baby Boots born 11/23/13 My rainbow baby!
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Re: Ugh, why do I lurk on my old BMB? (Pregnancy mentioned)

  • It's so sweet that they are wearing that badge.

    I try not to do this to myself, although every once in a while I venture there..and run myself into an abyss of emotions. *Hugs* I know how you feel. 

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    TTC Since September 2011
    BFP#1:Dec.1.11 EDD:Aug.09.12 MC:Jan.11.12 (9WK5D)-Natural
    BFP#2:Apr.18.12 EDD:Dec.21.12 MC:May.1.12 (6WK3D)-D&C
    BFP#3:Sep.12.12 - Suspected CP | BFP#4:Dec.1.12 - Suspected CP
    BFP#5: Dec.26.12 EDD:Sep.10.13 MC:Jan.7.13 (4WK6D)-Natural
    BFP#6: Jun.11.13 EDD:Feb.23.13 Beta: #1=8000 #2=24532 US@6wk2d showed 7wk2d size with 143BPM HR * NT US@12wk6d looked good. A/S passed with flying colors and our team color is Blue! *Grow my little Pamplemousse*!!!
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  • It hurts. I try not to think where I "should" be right now, but that's next to impossible. I know I can't go near my BMBs. No good EVER comes of it. 

    I'm with you--thinking about the future is the only thing getting me through the present. It WILL be us again someday!
    It was a rough road, but Arlo Daniel was born April 1, 2013—and our second rainbow is due October 12, 2014.
  • I am so sorry, sweetie.  It hurts and I totally understand that desire to keep tabs on a group that you felt you deserved to be a part of always.

    That is so sweet that even though you feel you don't beling there anymore they continue showing you their support.

  • ChloBubChloBub member
    (((HUGS))) That badge is really sweet. It's really hard to be on the BMB board, though. If you're anything like I've been, you'll find yourself checking it less and less. I'm sorry it's so hard. We all get it.
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
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    BFP#1: 9-13-11 EDD: 5-26-12 MMC: 11-4-11 D&C: 11-8-11
    BFP#2: 7-6-12 Elizabeth Faye ("Zuzu") born 3-21-13
  • It's a strange balance, supporting others while still grieving. It's something I've come to embrace and kinda understand, because those who are also grieving are going through the same emotions and experiences, and understand your pain the best. It makes me very grateful for this board!!

     

    I understand your desire to lurk and I'm SO glad they have a badge for you! I'm so sorry for the pain that those topics bring... I know how much it hurts. It's totally not a pity party, it's you letting out your pain, and that's why we're here for each other!!!{{{hugs}}} 

    "For I know the plans I have for you,
  • I know what you mean honey! ((((huge hugs))))
    (USE TO BE, WISH2BEMOMMY). 1st BFP ever Aug. 16, 2010.... 1st OB appt. Sept. 8, 2010, u/s showed poss. blighted ovum.... b/w 9/8/10 22,698 b/w 9/10/10 14,521.... mmc confirmed, started naturally m/c 9/15/10, d & c 9/16/10 I love you my precious monkey!! 2nd BFP March 2011.... c/p, miss you lil one!! 3rd BFP Nov. 20, 2011, subcornial hemorrhage detected 11/24/11 heartbeat found.... LO's heartbeat lost 11/25/11.... d & c 11/26/11..... I love and miss you so much baby!!!! C/P 4/26/12.... gone before I knew you.... off BCP 10-1-13.. BFP 11-20-13.. SCH for 7 weeks.. 3-4-14: It's a Girl!.. 4-22-12 emergency cerclage placed..7-7-14 cerclage removed at 36w.. delivered Lillian Marie 7-28-14..
     "An angel in the book of life wrote down my baby's birth. Then whispered as she closed the book "too beautiful for earth"

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  • That is so sweet that they did that for you.  ((Hugs))
    TTC #1 since April 2010
    BFP 4/18/12, M/C 4/27/12 at 6w6d
    BFP 7/1/12 - Counting down to our little girl, EDD 3/8/13
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  • I still lurk at times and I always kick myself after I do...((Hugs))
    BFP #1 11/27/11 EDD 08/08/12 M/C 01/27/12 12 wks 2 days
    BFP #2 04/25/12 EDD 01/04/13(?) confirmed ectopic 05/16/12 6 wks 5 days 2 doses of MTX-Lost left tube on 05/25/12 Back to TTC, earlier than originally expected.
    BFP #3 01/05/13 EDD 09/17/13 u/s 1/24/13-great appt, measuring 2 days ahead, NT scan 3/11/13-great scan measuring 4 days ahead, A/S 4/29/13-another great scan can't wait to meet my baby BOY!!!!!
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  • I'm so sorry. I was on the Oct board too. In fact, it looks like we got our BFPs on the same date :-( I have managed to avoid the board completely, despite feeling tempted pretty often. But I also wasn't on it for as long.

    ((((hugs)))) to you.

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    TTC #1 since Sept 2011
    BFP#1 1/31/12. Empty sac discovered 3/5/12. MTX due to location in uterine horn.
    BFP#2 2/27/13. Empty sac confirmed 3/20/13. Mifepristone + cytotec.
    Currently TTA until Fall 2013, waiting for operative hysteroscopy
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  • That's a tough one. It really shows your heart that you are trying to check in on the group. That's not something that I have been able to do. ((hugs))
    BFP #1~12/20/08, EDD~8/17/09, natural MC~12/23/08;
    BFP #2~5/25/09, DD born 1/27/10
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    BFP #3~2/13/12, EDD~10/24/12, MC at 12w6d, D&C - We love you baby Addison
  • Thanks ladies. You are awesome. Hopefully I'll be posting a big fat positive result over there soon!
    **Warning: Losses and living child mentioned**
    BFP#1 1/31/12, EDD 10/6/12 Harrison Gray born sleeping @ 18w6d. You changed our lives little guy.
    BFP#2 EDD 10/29/13, C/P 2/25/13, Bye little Ish, we barely got to know you.
    BFP#3 EDD 12/21/13, Baby Boots born 11/23/13 My rainbow baby!
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  • imageBootsOrHearts:
    Thanks ladies. You are awesome. Hopefully I'll be posting a big fat positive result over there soon!

    HUGS. I hope you do too.

     

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  • (((hugs))) to you boots
    BFP #1:  8/10/11 EDD: 4/9/12 Natural miscarriage @ 7 weeks: 8/20/11
    BFP #2: 8/31/12 EDD: 5/18/13 Chemical pregnancy: 9/4/12
    BFP #3:  5/17/13  EDD: 1/24/14 Loss at 5 weeks: 5/29/13

    image  imageimage

    Lots of testing, all clear with the exception of compound heterozygous for the MTHFR mutation. 

    Cycle 1: Femara, trigger shot, Bravelle added due to slow response = BFN
    Cycle 2: Cancelled due to two cysts =(
    Cycle 3: Femara, Bravelle, trigger shot and IUI = BFP then loss #3
    Cycle 4: Femara, Follistim, trigger shot and IUI = BFP!  EDD: 6/7/14

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  • April!April! member
    Why do we do this to ourselves? Ugh. I'm glad I'm not the only one. It's so hard, and hurts so much. I hope your BFP comes soon too! ((hugs))
    Lilypie First Birthday tickers
    BFP #2 9/5/2012 -- Born 5/20/2013 -- Welcome, rainbow baby!
    BFP #1 1/24/12 -- No HB 2/16/12 -- Misoprostol 3/10/12
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  • You must have been part of your BMB since you got your BFP, so I can only imagine it's nearly impossible to not wander over there to check on them. 

    I'm glad you're here, even though I'm sad you have to be. The beautiful thing about a loss board is the balance of old and new--you get to see the progression of working through your loss. Those who are fairly far out from their loss are not only a source of information, but can show us that there is light at the end of the tunnel. Experiencing a pregnancy loss is often a woman's darkest, most depressing time. There are so many who have made it through, and you will too.

    Big (((hugs))) for you. That's what we're here for. 

  • (Hugs). I think it's great that they made you a badge and are supportive. And I think you are a better person than me for still wanting to be supportive!! I couldn't . . I used to go to my BMB and then I just had to quit.

    BFP 4/4/12 CP 4/10/12

    9/20/2013 Came home with our little miracle from the Philippines

    11/26/2013 Surprise!!! BFP!
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