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June 2011 Moms
sunshine336
member
Choosing your words with LO- LIP
sunshine336
member
https://jennathome.com/2012/04/26/okay-not-okay/
I came across this article and it really made sense. I figured I'd share it with you ladies.
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Re: Choosing your words with LO- LIP
That's interesting! I didn't think about our use of the word okay. It's so popular in movies, other countries adopted it too. I'm concious of my use of "like." I don't want DD learning to say things such as "she was like totally..." I used to teach 8th graders and that was my pet peeve. I sometimes caught myself saying it outside of school, which was awful. I also had to break the habit of addressing people as "you guys".
At first when I read your post I thought it was going to be about not swearing or using improper words in front of the kids. I don't swear often, but I'm afraid I'll let something slip and she'll pick up on it. That would be fun in public.
i kind of like not using it instead of the word "understand," I'll have to try to remember that.
I do disagree with the first part about not telling them they're okay when they fall and stuff. They're looking to us to learn how to react, I know Lexi will fall and then look at me, if I tell her she's ok, she gets up and she's fine. If I react and acknowledge that it was a tough fall and coddle her, she gets more upset.
I agree, at this age. But it sounded like her kid was older to me. I really liked this post though! Thanks for sharing OP!
I was trying to find a balance when it comes to this- I've started saying, "You fell down!" in a pretty upbeat way. We also say, "Boom-ba!" when she falls. Then, if she's upset, I comfort her. If not, she shakes it off and moves on.
I'm currently reading Raising Our Children, Raising Ourselves and it talks about acknowledging without dramatizing. Because I am totally with you, Carla, if I'm upset, she gets upset when she wouldn't have otherwise. So I try to think about it the way she suggests in the book- state what happened, but don't get upset. Even if she does need comforting, I try to do like the article says and say things like, "You fell and hit your head. That must have been scary and maybe it hurt. I love you." Of course I'm not like that every time, but I like to keep it in mind. The book is super interesting so far!
I do this also-I say "uh-oh!" in a lighthearted way when he drops something or when he falls down. After a fall, I usually say "what happened?" and then I answer "you fell down!" or "did you fall down?" but I always keep it upbeat. If he cries, I help him up, give him a quick hug and kiss, then put him right back down and he goes right back to playing.
I definitely agree that "you're okay" is not the best response, and I try really hard not to say it even though it sometimes slips out. My husband says it all the time and I'm trying to get him to say something else instead.
Me too, exactly!
I like, "What happened? You fell down!" I'll try to incorporate that one
Interesting article. I'm sure I am guilty of using okay way too frequently.
I do say "you're okay" when C falls down and then looks at me like she doesn't know whether she should be upset or not. I also say "bonkers, you feel down" a lot.
While I see where she's coming from (especially with toddlers), I tend to lean that maybe this is just an early lesson that words have more than one meaning. We are clearly not giving children a choice when ending a directive with "okay". They will learn that in those instances, "okay" means "do you understand" and not, "do you agree".
On the "you're okay" front, I agree with PPs who said at this age, LOs look to us for a reaction. I used "you're okay" quite often, but also "jump up" and "brush it off". Now, he doesn't even look at me when he falls. He just jumps up. If he cries for more than 5 seconds, I know he's hurt. I don't think I'm harming him by not acknowledging his possible feelings.
As our babies turn into toddlers and school age, acknowledging feelings becomes more important because they are learning appropriate and inappropriate reactions to these feelings and how to deal with these feelings in various situations. But I still don't think "you're okay" or "it's ok" is wrong. Especially when you precede it with "I know you're upset" or "I understand you're angry". I think sometimes this train of thought leads to coddling, and that does the child no good at all. I don't know if she's saying that, but sometimes I feel parents take these kinds of "revelations" and go too far.
Overall, I think her blog entry is something to remember so as not to just brush off our children's feelings, not necessarily deleting a word or phrase from our parenting vocabulary.