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August 2011 Moms
EmSue412
member
Family wedding-related question- NBR- CP included
EmSue412
member
Hi ladies... I am looking for some opinions on a wedding-related question. I will try to make this short.
Here's the scenario: your brother-in-law (DH's brother) is getting married. You have known your DH and his family for many years, and are close to all of them. Your BIL met his fiance a little over a year ago, got engaged about a month ago, and they are marrying this fall. You are friendly with his fiance, spend time together, go out to dinners, etc., but have not formed a close "sisterly bond" just yet. (She didn't start really "coming around" the rest of the family until after LO was born.) Your DH was asked to be a groomsman in the wedding, and your LO was asked to be a flower girl/ring bearer. Also, other BIL's baby mama (not girlfriend, not wife) was asked to be a bridesmaid. Here comes my question... would you expect to be asked to be in the wedding party as well?
You can probably figure out my stance on the situation, but I'd like to get some outside opinions! Feel free to add any comments. Thanks so much.
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Re: Family wedding-related question- NBR- CP included
Thanks for your responses so far.
Crash... yes, you have a good point. 2 good points actually. But yes, it hurts. I feel left out, to say the least. Especially since the baby mama of our nephew was asked and not me.
I also really don't want my DD to be a flower girl (not like that's really even possible when you're 15 months old anyway). Any opinions on that??
Ok you might think this is corny but if your LO is not walking yet you should decorate a white wagon of some sort with flowers and you could pull her as she throws flowers :-D plus you will be in it to help. Just a thought but if you don't want her to be in it let them know be honest.
I would be hurt too. It is odd that she asked your BILs gf and not you, but you won't have to deal with any crazy bride demands!
Is she maybe expecting you to walk your DD down the aisle?
It depends on the relationship of other BIL baby's mama and fiance. If they knew each other before or see each other alot more. But if it doesn't seem like they are close either, yes I would be hurt.
As for DD being flower girl. Maybe ask what they expect of her. Let them know she most likely won't want to walk down the aisle and will have to be carried by DH (Someone she is very close too because all the people will be scary to her) Maybe they just want her more as an honorary one, (i.e. my 11 month old niece wore a white dress for pictures and ceremony but no one even carried her down the aisle.) If they expect her to do the whole nine yards and you don't think so I would just say sorry, but I don't want to put that type of stress on her as a way to back out.
Ah, yes... the old "pull the baby in the wagon" idea, lol. I forgot about that actually, but yes, I have seen it done before, and it is kinda cute. I should mention that when she (fiance) asked me (alone, not with DH there... weird) if our DD could be a flower girl, she also mentioned that she already has her niece enlisted to be a flower girl. And, she also prefaced her question with "you don't have to give us an answer now, but..." I told her I thought it was a very nice idea, but yes, DH and I will have to talk about it. We also were expecting it to be a "big night out" for the 2 of us, and if DD is involved, our night will be much different. You know?
Quite odd. And no, not a girlfriend. Just the baby mama, lol. And no, there was no mention of me walking DD down the aisle.
You are right about not having any bridesmaid duties though. That's the only plus.
For sure. I say if anything discuss with the H and if anything make it an evening for the two of you ;-)
Thanks for your insight. I will say that fiance and BIL's baby mama have hung out a little more than her and I, but I still don't think it would be enough to exclude me from the wedding party, you know what I mean? Baby mama and her were not friends beforehand. We have all known the fiance for the same amount of time.
Good points on the flower girl situation. When you mentioned dressing for pictures, that actually hurt a bit because I realized that DH and DD would be forever remembered as parts of their wedding thanks to the photos, but I would not be remembered in that way. Does that make sense? That makes me sad.
I'm clearly stalking my post since I respond about every 3 seconds, lol.
You have a great point. And good, simple advice. Thank you!
That is really odd that she is in the wedding!
Thank you!!! It adds insult to injury. But, as the saying goes, I guess I need to build a bridge and get over it! Lol
That's what I was thinking too and I try and stay far away from beebee bride drama. Em, just sit back and watch because you're going to be glad you're not in this wedding!
If it weren't for the BIL baby mama, I would not expect to be asked, but would feel like it would be nice to be included. However, the fact that the other girl was asked totally changes the game. If I were the bride, I could not see asking her and not you, who is actually married into the famly, KWIM? I just think it is rude! I would also be hurt - enough so that I do not think I would let DD be a flower girl in the wedding. I would just tell them thanks but no thanks, as it is too much to expect to have the baby participate. Sorry to hear you are going through this!
This is exactly my thinking about the situation! Thanks for your thoughts.
I could see how you could be hurt, but my opinion is obviously the minority. I don't think you should be asked to be in a wedding just because you're married to the groom's brother. If BIL's baby mama is in the wedding I don't think it's just because she's BIL's baby mama. I would assume that she would have a relationship with the bride that's more than that. I wouldn't worry too much about it. If you don't really know the girl I don't see how it's that big of a deal. Don't mean to be a b!tch, just offering a different view.
I agree. I would never think I should be asked to be in a wedding just because I am married to my husband. I also would think she was friends with the other bridesmaid. Why shouldn't she ask a friend? You can't have all of your relatives in your wedding.
To the last three ladies... thank you for your perspectives. I still feel very excluded as everyone else in the immediate family circle is in the wedding (even my DD), but I guess the truth of it is, that there is no rule that I should be included.
Thanks again for all of your responses.
Same here.