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Attachment Parenting
LouiseB2001
member
Putting 2 year old to sleep (guilt trip)
LouiseB2001
member
So as my siggy indicates I travel a lot for work and I started traveling more without DD, I was just away for 4 nights this week. DH is great in taking care of DD but recently I found out he has a different night routine. Basically after bath and books he holds DD in his arms and then put her almost sleeping into her bed (she still sleeps in a crib with tall sides so she can't get out). I have no problem with this, but this evening I tried it as well, probably out of guilt from being away. Normally I would have put her into the bed, sung a lullaby and left the room, sometimes letting her cry a bit. I held her and she did not calm down at all, she just kept talking to me and babbling and in the end DH came to 'save me'. She fell asleep in his arms within 4 minutes.
I know I am not doing anybody any favors with changing the routine, but I feel so guilty being away and I am not really ready to have her cry as I know she will do when I leave the room. Especially when I haven't seen her for 4 days. I try to find a good combination between AP-like comfort and firm routines. I am not happy with 40 minutes of staying in there to make her fall asleep (after reading books), which is how things often end up.
Any advise on how to find a good in-between solution to bedtime? DD is very decisive and knows how to push my buttons of guilt. It will only get worse as I travel even more (two more trips before summer).
Single mom of DD (2010), TTC #2 since June 2013.
Occasionally I'm blogging about my life with flybaby.
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Re: Putting 2 year old to sleep (guilt trip)
My husband puts my daughter to bed the way your husband does, I put her to bed the way you do. I can't get her to ever fall asleep in my arms, and she won't let him just leave her in the crib. It works for us to both have a slightly different style. Until the last bit we are both careful to stick to the same routine-- Teeth, potty, pajamas, 3 stories.
I say try hard to not feel guilty and stick to the routine that works for you (easier said then done).
Well...not that this is any comfort, but I have always found sleep a struggle. Even now we are struggling again. We have (and always have had) a very consistent bedtime routine..bath, pajamas, books, and telling stories or talk about the day. From that point we have done different things depending on the "stage." We coslept for awhile, then transitioned DS to his room, then he went to a toddler bed, then he was scared of monsters, and then he moved to a new bedroom.
So..we have done so many different things after the initial routine. There was a point we would lay next to him on the floor, we tried being more firm and just walking him back to his room if he came out, we have done lots of talking or checking on him, or even falling asleep with him.
Honestly, I try to go with the flow (and trust me this is not easy at all). It seems that once we get through one hurdle there seems to be another. For the past month DS has had a really hard time going to bed and I am super frustrated knowing we will soon have an infant on top of our bedtime mess.
Not sure what my point is, ha!! Well..even the times that we were consistent and started to figure things out, a new hurdle would come our way. For awhile DS was going to bed great and then he was all the sudden scared of monsters and we had to start from the beginning again. I guess I am saying that even when you "figure it out" something else will come up. Maybe try to just relax and let it be (yes, it is hard, I have my days a lot where I cannot do this!!) Good luck!
I have kind of a similar situation as you.
Bedtime has always been tough for kiddo - once she is asleep she is mostly great, but getting her to sleep has always been an issue. Nursing worked for the longest time, but when she stopped nursing to sleep it became a huge problem. It would sometimes take me an hour to put her to sleep.
I just got back from a work trip - I was gone 5 days. Dh created a new bedtime routine with her and said it worked great. Well, I got home and tried to put her to bed and it was disaster - it took almost 2 hours to get her down. She didn't want me to leave, cried, wanted to nurse, wanted to potty, wanted me to hold her. This went on the next night for over an hour and the night after that for about an hour. Well, I feel awful because it's such a bad experience, so DH and I talked and I am doing the first half of bedtime routine, and he is doing the second half. Tonight bedtime took 30 minutes from brushing teeth to sleep. SO much better. She did cry when I said goodnight and handed her off to DH for him to read to her, but she fell asleep 10 minutes later.
So long story short - maybe you could try splitting bedtime and have DH do the last part because that seems to work for them?
I kind of feel bad, but we have a good first half of the night, and she seems to be able to fall asleep easier with DH. When she is with me she draws it out and doesn't want to go to sleep. When she is with DH, for whatever reason, she just does it easier.
THIS exactly for us too! we lay with DD till she falls asleep (works for us) but with me she'll roll around, babble, talk to her stuffed animals, sing... might take her 10-30 mins to fall asleep. with DH she might fuss for a bit (cuz i'm not there) but then just goes to sleep. so now he lays with her most nights as long as he's home.