Haven't posted in a while but... (affirmation needed)

cyndielise · May 2012

I have been really struggling with my confidence as a parent lately, and I think I just need some people to tell me I'm not crazy.

My husband's entire family thinks I'm an idiot because of the schedule I keep with my three month old. He really strives on this schedule, but if I wait too long to get him to sleep, the day is in the toilet.

I let him sleep for 1.5 hr (which he usually does, unless he wakes up around 45 minutes, in which case I rock him back to sleep), and then keep him awake for a half hour. After the half hour is up, I put him back to sleep all through the day. This schedule works really well for us and keeps my baby happy and prevents him from getting over tired.

Well my sister-in-law lives with us and thinks I'm a moron for that, and so does DH's mother.

I guess I'm just seeking even one other person to say I'm doing the right thing. It's really hard to maintain confidence when people are so down on you. DH agrees with the schedule, but then he doesn't really have to think too hard on it. So while I appreciate his support, it's more a trust in ME than the schedule itself.

Does this seem outrageous, or is this a decent schedule to keep with a three month old? He usually wakes for the day around 8 and goes to sleep for the night around 10:30, and I let him stay up for about an hour at the end of the day, so by the end of the day he has spent about 4-5 hours awake. He always seems tired when I go to rock him before naps, and typically (provided that we've kept to the schedule properly), he goes right to sleep.

SeptemberBride'08 · May 2012

Can he stay up longer than 30 min after each nap? Not saying that this is right for all babies but typically at this age they can be awake for 1-2 hours them nap 1-3 hours. Maybe they are thinking of this? That is the only thing I thought is that maybe seeing how a bit more awake is.

DD doesn't have a set schedule but it's pretty similar to yours. She wakes for the day anywhere from 530-730. Up for about 1-1.5 hours and then a nap for 1-2 hours. Rinse repeat alllllll day. She usually gets a longer nap in the afternoon 2-3 hours. It's hard to go a lot of places with her because once she wakes its time to eat and by the time we are strapped in and ready to go we have maaaaybe 30min-1hr until she turns into Ms. Cranky pants. She doesn't like her car seat very much and will almost never go to sleep and nap while running errands, barely sleeps in the car or even wearing her if we are doing errands. It's tough to have kids who need such specific things but similar to you when I deviate too much in one day she's a mess and it's not worth it.

So my long winded answer is that maybe you can try a bit more awake time but otherwise it doesn't seem like you are doing anything wrong. Tell them to shut their pie holes. ;-)

karleegirl · May 2012

Personally I don't like to be so regemented with a schedule b/c I have 2 other kids and life goes on around the schedule. BUT if it works for you and your family that's what matters. Your baby sounds happy and is thriving that's all that matters. Your dh needs to tell his family to shut the heck up. also don't leave it up for discussion with them. "This is what we've decided for baby" and walk away from it.

kristin172429 · May 2012

That is a lot of napping for a three month old. Have you asked your pediatrician? I think the only thing that would worry me is if he is reaching milestones and developing in the 30 minutes he is awake between naps. Is he holding his head up/doing tummy time? Smiling? Starting to recognize toys as something he can play with/hold or grasp for?

If he is developing normally, his height and weight as progressing, and he is eating fine, then it seems like he should be fine. If not, I would talk to your pediatrician about how many naps he really needs. Right now, because he is used to sleeping so much, transitioning him to a different schedule will probably end up in some pretty fussy days, but he will adjust. You just have to get through the few bad days first.

E.T.A. I just wanted to add that a baby at this age needs about 14-16 hours a day of sleep (so they'd be awake 8-10 hours a day).

poobear2015 · May 2012

I follow a "pattern" more than a schedule. In the AM she's up about 6:30 then goes back down around 7:30 or 8 and will be back up at 9-9:30. Then she goes back down around 11-12 for a 1 hour nap. After that - I just watch for when she seems tired. She'll usually nap 2-3 more times in the afternoon evening. I feel like she's usually up for about 2 hours if not more between naps. Maybe that's why they don't like your schedule (if you meant that he is up 4-5 hours TOTAL during the day - is how I took it). To me, that's very little time with an awake baby - but that's in comparison to what I'm used to with DD. If she was only up 4-5 hours total - I'd be calling the pedi cuz that's not her "norm" - she averages 10 hrs awake in a day. But that IS your norm - so they need to understand that and accept it. You are doing a great job - LO is happy and healthy and THAT'S what matters!

heymommy · May 2012

I think it needs to be more spread out. Is there enough time in that 30 minutes to eat and play? Just seems like a lot of rocking to sleep and sleeping... It also seems like a lot of work.

katea81 · May 2012

My little guy can only stay awake for a little over an hour/ hour 15 minutes before we have a complete meltdown. When he wakes up we cuddle a little, eat and play and then usually he's starting to get sleepy. I try to get him in his crib before he is tired, although sometimes because of how long it took him to eat it doesn't work out that way.

You know your baby best--

annabelle.27 · May 2012

I wil say that all babies are different, but that seems like an awful lot of sleep. My baby is up for about three hours between naps. 20 hours of sleep per day seems like way too much for a three month old. JMHO.

cyndielise · May 2012

Well we've had a couple of ridiculously busy weeks with MIL wedding and SIL baby shower at our house, lots of things like that. Our rhythm was working well then, but seems like it hasn't been going as great the past couple of days.

I think I need to change things up. If anyone wants to post what a typical day is like in their house, I'd love to get some ideas!

I try to follow my baby's cues, but he doesn't act tired until he hits the wall, which makes it really hard for us to figure out when to start putting him down.

I'll just start trying different amounts of time. I'm really glad I posted and realized it might be time to try less sleep because I have been driving myself crazy wondering why what worked three weeks ago doesn't work now!

I feel like he changes so quick and I have a hard time keeping up! And I don't have much help from someone with actual experience since my mom lives in another state. I think I just need to start asking BEFORE I get myself into these situations. :]

Nothing makes me feel more dumb than being a new mom

cyndielise · May 2012

kristin172429:
That is a lot of napping for a three month old. Have you asked your pediatrician? I think the only thing that would worry me is if he is reaching milestones and developing in the 30 minutes he is awake between naps. Is he holding his head up/doing tummy time? Smiling? Starting to recognize toys as something he can play with/hold or grasp for?
If he is developing normally, his height and weight as progressing, and he is eating fine, then it seems like he should be fine. If not, I would talk to your pediatrician about how many naps he really needs. Right now, because he is used to sleeping so much, transitioning him to a different schedule will probably end up in some pretty fussy days, but he will adjust. You just have to get through the few bad days first.
E.T.A. I just wanted to add that a baby at this age needs about 14-16 hours a day of sleep (so they'd be awake 8-10 hours a day).

He is right on track! He's hitting all his milestones and gaining weight at a healthy pace.

Also, to respond to another poster, I have more a rhythm than a regimented schedule also. It's about a half hour awake, about 1.5 asleep. Er-- was!

It seems like DS wants to sleep for 45-60 minutes at a time now though. Maybe I should just go with it! See how long before he hits his wall and then start getting him to sleep about 10 minutes before that?

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