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TTC After a Loss
KacyChicago
member
We lost our first (EDD 07/23/12) after finding out at 12 weeks there was no longer a heartbeat. Our rainbow was born 05/22/13 and was worth all we went through.
“So can you understand? Why I want a daughter while I’m still young? I wanna hold her hand and show her some beauty before all this damage is done. But if it’s too much to ask, it’s too much to ask … Then send me a son.” – Arcade Fire
Indefinite Bump Break.
KacyChicago
member
I know I've alluded to stepping back in my last few posts, so I just thought I would make it official.
Part of it has to do with the fact that we are not currently trying to conceive, and won't be for at least a few more months. I've found myself consumed with all-things babies for so long now, and it gets hard to separate things after a while. I think it's no secret that when I care, I REALLY care, so for months I have hurt for so many of you women. I can see how it has begun to take its toll on me, and that's not good for any of us.
After four months on this board, I can say that I have gotten a tremendous amount of support from so many of you, and for that I will always be thankful. Without some of you ladies, I would not have made it through the darkest period of my life, and I am eternally grateful for each and every one that has taken the time to lift me up. I hope above hope that I have returned that support to you all, and have somehow made a difference as you faced your pain. To my July Moms, and the "Newbies" that have been checking in with me for months, I wish you all the best, and I will rooting for you all from the sidelines. There are many women on this board that know how to get in contact with me, so please don't hesitate to reach out if you ever need anything. I am sad to say goodbye to so many of you.
To a few others, I will say the lack of support felt like a slap in the face after a while, especially because I feel like I have been a wonderfully contributing member of this community. So when I am told again and again how supportive these few people are, I can only say that actions speak louder than words.
I am not a confrontational person, by any means, nor am I vindictive or a spoiled sport. But some of the things I have witnessed on this board have truly surprised and disgusted me. In a time where we are trying to stress to our youth how detrimental bullying is, to watch 20-, 30- and even 40-year-old women do it on a daily basis sickens me. It should be obvious to most everyone that there are only some (including graduates) that come out to stir up or flame the drama. That's your prerogative if that's the only contribution you want to make on a LOSS support board, but, it has gotten way out of control. I understand that my opinion will not be popular with some, and I am
more-than OK with that. I have been nothing but supportive, and do not
need to defend and/or explain that.
And so what if someone wants to come on and ask a dumb question? Don't open it and/or don't respond. But to take the energy to call them out, or tell them they are stupid is simply beyond my comprehension. If they find themselves asking a question on a loss support board, they are obviously in pain, so please try to remember that next time you decide to tell them they should f!uck off and take their questions elsewhere. Not only that, but if it brings such hard feelings for you, maybe you need to take a step back as well, because people are always going to assume they can find support here. There was a time when EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOU was new to this board, scared about your future, and unsure how to even begin to move on. Please don't rob others of finding the same support you once did just because they may not word things right or haven't read the blog yet. And if you need to call someone out, why not be a little mature about it, and not a 12-year-old trying to show out for your friends. It's all about the choices we, as adults, make.
I know that everything I've said in this post will more-than-likely fall on deaf ears, and I may even be flamed by a few. That will not change how appreciative I have been for so many of you. I am so thankful that I am in daily contact with so many of you wonderful ladies, and your intelligence and compassion continues to amaze me. I will always be thankful for this board, no matter how much my feelings have changed regarding it.
All my best to each and every one of you. I wish you all much peace as you continue on your journey toward your rainbow babies.
We lost our first (EDD 07/23/12) after finding out at 12 weeks there was no longer a heartbeat. Our rainbow was born 05/22/13 and was worth all we went through.
“So can you understand? Why I want a daughter while I’m still young? I wanna hold her hand and show her some beauty before all this damage is done. But if it’s too much to ask, it’s too much to ask … Then send me a son.” – Arcade Fire
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Indefinite Bump Break.
This x 100. This board needs people like you. I hate to see you go, but I completely understand.
"there is no foot so small that it cannot leave an imprint on this world"
BFP #2 2.27.13 EDD 11.8.13 Grow, baby, grow!
My Ovulation Chart
~ all ALers welcome ~
I'm so very sorry to see you go.
I have to say I agree with every single word you wrote here. I hope we will cross paths again. Your positivity and support will be very missed.
נשמה שבאה לעולם למספר חודשים לשהות במעי האם, היא נשמת צדיק גמור שבאה לעולם רק לתקן פגם קטן ולאחר מספר חודשים אלו היא שבה למקומה לגן עדן להתענג על ה'. לעתיד לבוא נשמה זו תוכר באחד מבנייך ובזכות נשמת צדיק זה תזכי להיות במחיצת צדיקים
TTC Since September 2011
BFP#1:Dec.1.11 EDD:Aug.09.12 MC:Jan.11.12 (9WK5D)-Natural
BFP#2:Apr.18.12 EDD:Dec.21.12 MC:May.1.12 (6WK3D)-D&C
BFP#3:Sep.12.12 - Suspected CP | BFP#4:Dec.1.12 - Suspected CP
BFP#5: Dec.26.12 EDD:Sep.10.13 MC:Jan.7.13 (4WK6D)-Natural
BFP#6: Jun.11.13 EDD:Feb.23.13 Beta: #1=8000 #2=24532 US@6wk2d showed 7wk2d size with 143BPM HR * NT US@12wk6d looked good. A/S passed with flying colors and our team color is Blue! *Grow my little Pamplemousse*!!!
This. Big (((((HUGS))))). I hope you find the peace you are looking for.
PGAL/PAL welcome
BFP #2 9.12.12, EDD 5.24.13, Baby Boy Born 5.15.13!!
My Ovulation Chart
3 Clomid (100mg) cycles + TI + Trigger = BFN's, Femara + Trigger + IUI#1 = BFN
Femara + Trigger + IUI#2 = BFP!
"Strength does not come from physical capacity. It comes from an indomitable will." ~Gandhi
BFP#1 10/1/2011. Our perfect little girl, Her heart stopped @ 12w1d. D&E 11/23/11
BFP#2 3/13/12 Weird CP/Possible EP @ 6w0d
BFP#3 5/28/12 CP @ 5w0d
BFP/WTF#4 10/26/12 CP
BFP#5 12/10/12 EDD 8/23/2013
We will miss you. I truly appreciate all of your support. It is a roller coaster here, and I definitely understand your need to step back. Best of luck to you.
BFP #1 12/29/10 EDD 08/29/11 Blighted Ovum 02/09/11 D&C 02/11/11
Clomid 50mg BFP #2 09/21/11 EDD 05/29/11 Chemical Pregnancy 10/4/11
BFP #3 4/19/13 Beta1- 106 Beta2- 524 Beta3- 3500 EDD 12/22/13 LO born 12/31/13
Hate to see you leave TTCAL but I know how to get a hold of you
Hope this break is what you need. I agree that the board is losing a great member.
I'm sorry that you're leaving and that you don't feel like you're getting what you need from some of the ladies here. I hope you find happiness in your journey. You've always been supportive, loving and kind-hearted.
I must say that I am a bit taken back at the GBCB tone of this post. I don't know if you're referring to me at all, and it doesn't matter. Maybe it's because I've been here for almost a year and have grown to love so many of the members of the board. I'm really suprised that you would walk out here slapping us in the face.
Could not have said it better myself. It seems people wait til they know they won't be back to show their true colors.
Kacy, like so many others have posted, you will really be missed on this board. Actually, you have been missed, because I have noticed that your caring, honest yet kind support has been absent from here for a little while now.
I have to say that I echo a lot of the same sentiments that you have expressed and have also taken a step back from participating on the board. Month after month, cycle after cycle of dealing with my own personal TTCAL troubles, it is difficult for me to add board dynamics in to the mix without taking away the attention that I need to be focusing on myself, my DH, and our TTC journey.
I completely understand where you are coming from and the need to step away to focus on yourself. I will be doing some of the same.
expatmama and JennOH85 ... YGPM.
To everyone else, thank you so much for your kind words.
We lost our first (EDD 07/23/12) after finding out at 12 weeks there was no longer a heartbeat. Our rainbow was born 05/22/13 and was worth all we went through.
“So can you understand? Why I want a daughter while I’m still young? I wanna hold her hand and show her some beauty before all this damage is done. But if it’s too much to ask, it’s too much to ask … Then send me a son.” – Arcade Fire
Kacy, take care of yourself. If this is what you need, then I'm glad you have taken a step back and realized it. I hope you continue to heal in whatever way you and YH need.
TTCAL was here for you in your darkest days, and I respect that you acknowledged that. Thanks for your kind words and support.
GatorBaby, if you are stepping away, you too will be greatly missed. You are a lovely person, and I wish you lots of success (and quickly too!) in your TTCAL journey.
But now... when I got to your GBCB part I was shocked! What a note to leave on. I now see you in a whole new different light.
Aurora Rose born sleeping at 35w on 4-21-10
BFP#2 {Almond} - 2.1.11 EDD 10.12.11 C/P 2.11.11
[spoiler] My Blog: Grow Baby Grow
BFP #1: 12/2009 m/c 1/2010 BFP #2: 6/2010 m/c 8/2010
BFP #3: 10/2011 ectopic 11/2011 (right tube removed, learned left tube was probably nonfunctional due to scar tissue from infection after m/c)
3 failed IUIs, IVF #1: 18R, 12M, 10F, 3 poor quality 5d embryos transferred= BFP #4!!!!!
Betas: 9dp5dt: 64 ~14dp5dt: 91 (expecting miscarriage, doubling time of 236 hours) ~16dp5dt: 200~18dp5dt: 500
First Ultrasound at 6w2d revealed two sacs, only one with a heartbeat
LK arrived after 42 weeks on August 14, 2013! Beautiful, healthy, and happy!
TTC#2: IVF booked for April 2015
Surprise BFP#5 February 19, 2015 EDD: November 2, 2015
Betas: 10dpo: 10, 14dpo: 77, 17dpo: 270
First Ultrasound at 5w1d showed a miracle UTE baby! And right ovary ovulation to left fallopian tube.
JD arrived at 38 weeks on October 20, 2015.
TTC #3: Since October 2017. BFP #6 July 2, 2018 EDD: March 16, 2019 [/spoiler]
BFP #2 - 7/1/12 - Met my lucky charm Alexandra on 3-16-13!!!
BFP #2 - 7/1/12 - Met my lucky charm Alexandra on 3-16-13!!!
We lost our first (EDD 07/23/12) after finding out at 12 weeks there was no longer a heartbeat. Our rainbow was born 05/22/13 and was worth all we went through.
“So can you understand? Why I want a daughter while I’m still young? I wanna hold her hand and show her some beauty before all this damage is done. But if it’s too much to ask, it’s too much to ask … Then send me a son.” – Arcade Fire
This^^
I'm sorry to see you go Kacy.
***BFP 1-22-13, baby boy dx with Trisomy 13 at 15 weeks.
We let him go to Heaven on 4-27-13 at 17 weeks 1 day***
BFP #2: 8/31/12 EDD: 5/18/13 Chemical pregnancy: 9/4/12
BFP #3: 5/17/13 EDD: 1/24/14 Loss at 5 weeks: 5/29/13
Lots of testing, all clear with the exception of compound heterozygous for the MTHFR mutation.
Cycle 1: Femara, trigger shot, Bravelle added due to slow response = BFN
Cycle 2: Cancelled due to two cysts =(
Cycle 3: Femara, Bravelle, trigger shot and IUI = BFP then loss #3
Cycle 4: Femara, Follistim, trigger shot and IUI = BFP! EDD: 6/7/14
PGAL/PAL welcome
this (((((((bye hugs))))))
Diagnosed w/ endometriosis 12/2010 Laproscopic surgery & 6 months of Lupron
BFP 12/17/2011,EDD 8/23/12,ectopic discovered 12/29/11 at 6 weeks recieved methotrexate
Dec '12 HSG & ultrasound showed abnormalities & more endo. Laproscopic surgery in January '13 showed significant damage & scar tissue from Endo. IVF is our best shot to concieve our rainbow.
June '13 Decided to go the adoption route!
***PGAL/PAL WELCOME***
Married 07/17/2010
Diagnosed with PCOS 10/20/2010
TTC since Oct 2010
BFP #1 March 31st 2011 Due December 10 2011
Missed m/c discovered June 2nd 2011 at 12w4d
D&C scheduled June 7th 2011 at 13w2d
Found out our baby boy had Triploidy XXY through embryopathology
BFP #2 September 28th 2011 Due June 8th 2012
Missed m/c discovered November 20th 2011 at 11w2d
D&C November 29th 2011 at 12w4d
Found out our baby girl had Monosomy X through embryopathology
BFP #3 April 24th 2012 Due January 5th 2013
Betas falling on 04/26/12 Chemical Pregnancy
RPL testing done, multi nodular goiters on thyroid discovered.
BFP #4 November 22nd 2012, Due August 5th 2013
Betas: 17 @ 9dpo, 62 @ 11dpo, 124 @ 12dpo, 321 @ 14dpo 720 @ 16dpo 13,805 @ 23 dpo
First ultrasound at 6w3d, hb 122 bpm.
Second ultrasound at 7w3d hb 143 bpm
Third ultrasound at 10w1d hb 167-170 bpm
Forth ultrasound 12w1d hb 167 bpm
Graduated rpl program, moving on to regular ob!
It's a boy!
Little man was born August 1st 2013, 7lbs 8oz and 20.5 inches long
Kacy, you'll be missed. Lots of love to you. I hope you have many wonderful days ahead of you.
I echo much of what you said about the board. I don't like the tone either, and I too have not been posting as frequently as I once did. I do think it goes in cycles, and eventually the unnecessarily cruel comments and snarky gifs slow down. I will continue to be supportive, post polls, and try to participate as much as I can. But like you, I just don't have the stomach for some of the more mean-spirited comments that I see directed toward newbs.
***Siggy***
Kacy, I have missed you so much lately and I was actually planning on sending you a message. I am so sorry you are leaving, but I totally understand that it is what you need. Please know that you will be missed. I won't have anyone to share my funny AD posts with like this:
Or this:
I would like to respond to Minicheezburg's comment about your "true colors". She's right in that your colors are caring, loving and sweet. I think anyone who chooses to ignore that has misunderstood your post and it's good intentions.
I hope that once you're ready TTC everything will go great and hopefully will see you on PgAL. I can promise you that your "true colors" will be greatly appreciated over there.
Lastly, YHPM.
BFP #1: 8/2011 ** EDD: 5/9/2012 ** Missed m/c discovered at 13 weeks
BFP #2: 4/4/2012 ** EDD: 12/24/12 ** Born: Charlotte "Charlie" Olivia 12/18/2013, 8 lbs 1 oz, 21 inches!!!
All of this.