How do I let my husband know I want to TTC?

blondie6547 · May 2012

**I also posted this on "Babies on the Brain" board**

My dh and I have been married since june 2011. I know dh wants to have children someday because we sparingly talk about "do u think our child will" and other statements. I would assume my dh will be ready to ttc once we have been married for a couple of years. I always thought I'd be on that same timeline but recently I have had babies on my brain like crazy!! I now would like to ttc starting on our one year anniversary. My question for u ladies is how do I tell my dh that I want to ttc? My dh and I have great communication but I know I will be nervous to tell him this and I don't want the topic to seem so random or have it come out of the blue if u know what I mean? Thoughts anyone?

hawkeyes00 · May 2012

When I have convos like this with DH I always give him the initial heads up that I'd like to sit down and talk to him about "x" sometime soon. Then eventually I'll take him out to dinner or make dinner for him to discuss it. I try to let him know what the topic I want to talk about is, then actually talk about it a few days later. It usually gives him a chance to process his thoughts on the topic. GL!

brookelynpaisley · May 2012

No need to talk. Just start poking holes in the condoms. He'll catch on

HarleyQuinn7161 · May 2012

I talked with my DH about wanting children in general. Then when I felt ready, I told him I wanted to talk about it more. So the next day we had some time to really sit and talk about it. For us that was last year and I was pretty ready to start trying then, but I knew it was important to me that we both be ready. My DH was looking for a little more time. I was starting a new job this year so for insurance/job reasons it was better to wait anyway.

If you have good communication as you say then I would just talk with him. Just remember that he may not be as ready as you are. Don't let that get you down though, just try to keep the discussion open so that you can both be happy and comfortable with your decision. Good luck to you.

jujubee25 · May 2012

You're adults. You're married. You should be mature enough to be able to have this sort of conversation with your husband without needing to make a big deal of it or approach it carefully.

cls78 · May 2012

jujubee25:
You're adults. You're married. You should be mature enough to be able to have this sort of conversation with your husband without needing to make a big deal of it or approach it carefully.

This!!

CiderWench · May 2012

jujubee25:
You're adults. You're married. You should be mature enough to be able to have this sort of conversation with your husband without needing to make a big deal of it or approach it carefully.

Yes

AquaFlowers · May 2012

jujubee25:
You're adults. You're married. You should be mature enough to be able to have this sort of conversation with your husband without needing to make a big deal of it or approach it carefully.

Yes

Leah&JP · May 2012

I started hinting around about it a few months ago by saying "Welp, it's time to renew my BCP again, or I don't have to?!" And after a couple months of that he said "Why dont we make this the last month of those." Done!!

JaimeLD6 · May 2012

brookelynpaisley:
No need to talk. Just start poking holes in the condoms. He'll catch on

Haha, LOVE IT

megemoney · May 2012

brookelynpaisley:
No need to talk. Just start poking holes in the condoms. He'll catch on

Yes

LollipopsAndCrisps · May 2012

brookelynpaisley:
No need to talk. Just start poking holes in the condoms. He'll catch on

Yes I came to suggest that she "forget" to take a BCP or two.

Great minds, BP.

OP, I'd tell your husband like this: "DH, I want to TTC. What are your thoughts?" See, that's not so hard.

kaleyandjason · May 2012

jujubee25:
You're adults. You're married. You should be mature enough to be able to have this sort of conversation with your husband without needing to make a big deal of it or approach it carefully.

Yes

You worded this so better than I could have. Everything I typed out sounded super b*tchy.

blondie6547 · May 2012

Ladies, Thanks for the advice! I just didn't know if I should wait for a given situation to bring it up (romantic dinner, on vacation, laying in bed, etc). This is such an exciting time in my life, I wasn't quite sure if ya'll had similar concerns when you were thinking about getting pregnant for the first time. I will keep ya'll updated!

kelly321 · May 2012

Honestly, if you're both on the same page with wanting to have children, then talking about when shouldn't really be a big deal. My DH and I are very open with each other, and I tend to just blurt things out like, "Hey, what would you think if instead of the career I always dreamed of, I did this?" Sometimes he doesn't have an opinion on the subject, though, so maybe PP's suggestion of letting him know you'd like to talk about a timeline for a baby in the next week or so would be a good way to go about it.

Really, though, it shouldn't be rocket science. He's your DH. Do what you think will work best in your relationship. I think when to have kids is a normal conversation in a marriage.

holly321 · May 2012

DD was dh's idea.

Baby #2, I told DH, I am not taking BCP, if you don't want a baby, you know where the condoms are.

CutieBean79 · May 2012

I find it so odd that you say you have great communication, yet you've never openly talked about having children. Talking about what a hypothetical kid would look like hardly qualifies.

angelsnight · May 2012

You'll just have to sit him down and tell him your thoughts. But don't spring it on him while he's say, working on the car or something. And be prepared for him to not be on the same page just yet, since from your post it sounds like he would like to wait a couple of years.

It's difficult, but if he isn't ready yet, don't push him. You have to both be on board to start TTC. MH wanted to start trying right after we got married, and I would have too but I was still in grad school and I didn't want to risk having a newborn to take care of while still in school. We compromised, we wouldn't wait until I was completely done with school, but by starting TTC in May of last year, I would have been done by the time I delivered had I gotten KU.

Beaglechon2012 · May 2012

Start a baby registry and ask him to help pick out items, that'll def. clue him in.

Seriously though..I agree with PP you're adults, just sit down and tell him.

janice9821 · May 2012

There was really bad flooding in our area, and I couldn't leave the house because they had closed all the roads into town so I wouldn't have been able to get back in. I couldn't pick up my BCPs because of it, and I ran out. I told DH we would have to use condoms for a while. He said he'd rather just "see what happens". That was in September. After a couple of months off BCPs, we sat down and really discussed it. He was sad it hadn't happened yet, and wanted to do whatever he could to increase our odds.

synchrosally · May 2012

Just tell him you're ready and ask how he feels about it. FWIW I had that conversation with my H every few months for about a year before he was ready.

PandasMama0626 · May 2012

My hubby and I wanted a baby right off and got lucky with our first after being married only 3 months. Now that shes 2, I really wanted to start TTC a sibling for her. I knew DH didn't want to even think about another until this one was totally out of diapers (we are almost there!) so I really had to do some sweet talk'n lol.

I started the convo one night when I knew he was in a good mood, well rested, and said "baby... now that Pandora is getting older and she doesn't really have any other kids to play with, it would be so good for her to have a sibling." he was dead set against it. So I left the idea alone for a couple weeks. Whenever we passed a maternity store I made the goo goo eyes at him. I melted whenever I saw a newborn in front of him and made sure to point out how great Panda was with her "babies." Then I brought the idea up again while cuddling and I told him "how about this...lets not try, but not *not* try either. If its meant to be, it will be meant to be." And he agreed. That was 2 months ago and he is finally on the same page with me and helping me track!

So you see, guys sometimes need time to marinate on an idea and just need a little gentle pushing. Just start to drop hints and have little "what if" conversations. Or bring up the idea of just "letting nature take its course." That way he isn't feeling pressured but knows it "could" happen.

artistlife · May 2012

Really not trying to be mean but I never had this problem. I talked openly with my husband way BEFORE we even got engaged. To have or not have children is a really important factor in a relationship. I wouldn't have wasted years of my life on a man that wasn't on the same page about children. If I were you I wouldn't wait any longer to talk about it. Just come right out and ask him how much longer does he want to wait. Tell him you are ready now but you don't want to push him. If you have to transition into the conversation then bring up a friend/ relatives baby then oh by the way....hope this helps.

Vlcanogrl80 · May 2012

I can't believe how unsupportive a lot of these comments are! My husband and I also have great communication, but I had trouble bringing up ditching the BC with him too. I got myself so in love with the idea that I was terrified he would say he wasn't ready or worse, had decided he didn't want a baby! (We have discussed both options in the past.) I ended up drinking a little too much wine one night and blurting out "I want a baby!" while bursting into tears. He said ".. um, ok" and that was that. Once you do it and open up that dialogue it will be easier. Good luck to you!

mhickey426 · May 2012

You just tell him. He is your husband you are supposed to be able to talk about these things. We talked months before about when we planned on starting. I wanted to make sure we were both on the same page which is why we talked so early. If that fails i like the poking holes in the condoms or oops i 4got to take my pill

steph620 · May 2012

Just tell him! Our original plan was 2 years, then I got baby fever sooner. But DH still wasn't ready, and we were waiting for our insurance to kick in. Then when it was "around the time" we agreed on, I just jumped on top of him, and he didn't pause for a condom! Haha! The rest is history...

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