XP: Sticky Family Situation
*Warning in advance this may get kinda long. I need some real opinions here and appreciate anyone who takes time to read.*
A little back story, when I was three my mom and I moved here to Virginia from Ohio. I was raised here and still live here. When I was 7 my biological father signed his rights away and I was adopted by my step dad. I never heard from or saw my biological father again until I was 18, and I have only met him one time. My step dad raised me, but abused me as well.
My mom and step dad divorced when I was 17 because she was committing adultery and they were fighting a lot anyway. She put me in a bad situation getting him kicked out of the house because she knew I was able to get under his skin, but took him back, putting me at more risk.
Okay fast forward to about now. My mom also has a child with my adoptive father so of course there is still some ties. Well he is trying to have something to do with me and my daughter. My biological father never will because he is still a POS. He wants to come see her at some point and believe he should be considered her grandpa, but he wasn't a father to me so why does he deserve that? He gave up on me. My step dad beat me, but says my mom blamed stuff on me. I never know who is lying because my mom lies a lot too.
Well, my mother is married currently and my daughter calls him papi. She thinks thats her grandpa and that eats my adoptive father and biological father alive. My adoptive father says "he raised me," but he was mean to me and my biological father wasn't even here for me and I wont let him have a chance to hurt DD the way he did me.
Okay...Some input please? I know, I know I am in a effed up situation and will probably need therapy for the rest of my life.
Re: XP: Sticky Family Situation
I think you are completely right in keeping your DD away from both your BF and SF. If your mothers current H is a good guy, then it sounds like you already know who should be able to be grandpa.
I'm sorry about your crappy situation, that can't be easy.
You get to choose who is allowed in your child's life. Period. Regardless of biology, paternity, time spent during your formative years, anything. If there are people who were harmful to you in the past and you suspect they might be harmful to you or your child in the future, you are well within your rights to limit or deny time with your family. Especially if your mom is no longer married to him. You have no obligation to either of them. You have to do what is in the best interest of your child. If anyone else objects to that, Screw 'em.
BTW, it was NOT ok for him to abuse you, even if your mom "blamed things on you." You are a child of God and are inherently worthy of so much better treatment.
Be strong honey. What you're doing right now is breaking a cycle of dysfunction, abandonment and abuse. It's hard, but you're doing a good thing. Something your daughter will appreciate in later years.
Do what feels right in your gut and heart. If you don't want either man in your life or your DD's life, then don't allow them to be in your life.
Don't do it if it's because everyone else is telling you it's the right thing to do - especially if you feel like it's not right.
If you're not in counseling - seek it and try to find some peace and forgiveness for all the hurt these two men caused you.
Yes she does.
Good luck to you.