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Attachment Parenting
Barefoot: when does it become unacceptable?
DS is 16 months old and still doesn't wear shoes. I used to have some soft leather soled shoes for him but he only wore them occasionally. He started walking at a year but he flipped out if I tried to put shoes on him so I let him stay barefoot.
When do you think this becomes an issue? Is it rude to let him walk barefoot inside stores? I figure his feet are just as clean if not cleaner than most people's shoes. I don't have a problem with it but I wonder if it is or will be a problem for other people. Should I keep trying soft soled shoes hoping that he grows out of hating them?
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Re: Barefoot: when does it become unacceptable?
I guess my child just likes to walk/run everywhere he can, because I can't imagine not putting shoes on him! I'm guessing your LO doesn't attend daycare either because our daycare requires them to wear shoes all day starting at 15 months old. Hot asphalt, wood chips at the park, stickers in the grass = ouch! Plus store floors are filthy. I think walking in public should = shoes. Just a personal opinion. I agree that some lighter material, maybe sandles without socks would probably be a good way to start if he's having a fit over the shoes. My child really does seem to prefer his stride rite shoes to his cheap walmart pair too, so maybe they really are more comfortable. Starting with those robeez kind might work. Does he hate socks too? Will he wear shoes without socks? I know I had a horrible fit every time I had to wear socks as a kid because I didn't like the seams touching my toes. Once my parents figured out to turn the socks inside out, we were golden on the sock/shoe issues.
Good luck!
My BIL is a big proponent of barefootedness. He is almost always barefoot, including when he lived (and walked) in Santa Monica. Based on his experiences, I think that it's easy to overstate the dangers of being barefoot, especially in the "will hurt your feet", assuming that the feet in question have been able to acclimate to the environment, (Gravel areas, sticks in the grass, hot asphalt - these don't really bother him because his feet are accustomed to not having shoes on them.)
But it's still a personal decision, DD often prefers to be shoeless, and I don't usually make a fuss about it. I will make her wear shoes on tanbark (because splinters in the feet are annoying), and when we go on hikes (due to the ever present, copious mud), and for the ease of cleanliness, I try to get her to wear them on walks around the neighborhood, but it doesn't always happen.
Figure out what sortof minimum works for you and the LO, though.
(Ditto for us on DD not really liking soft soled shoes)
Thanks for the input so far
I understand your concerns about safety, but really I think in most places the risk is minor given that his feet are accustomed to being barefoot. Initially I planned to have him in soft soled shoes when we were out and barefoot at home but when he started resisting shoes I decided not to make it a battle.
The last time I tried to put a shoe on him (Croc) he flipped out so much that it took 5 minutes to calm him down. It's a more of a power issue for him right now, he doesn't like anything to be physically forced on him. There are plenty of things that I force on him anyway, I'm just wondering whether/when there's a reason to do it with shoes. I'm also assuming that he'll grow out of it eventually. I do get the side-eye from people when we're out, and I don't mind that if it's just a difference of opinion.
That seems like a pretty severe reaction to a shoe. Have you discussed with your pediatrician if he has similiar reactions like this to other things as well?
Shoes is one of those things that I would encourage for the time being. Take him to the store and let him be involved in the process of buying them. Try a variety of different styles and let him experiment. Let him try to put the shoes on himself. Make it a game for him.
I'm not a big enforcer of "because I said so" rules. The exception to this is wearing appropriate clothing in public (including footwear). I let my children have choices and control over what they wear, but the rule is they have to wear something. I would definitely not allow this to go on as he gets closer to 2, personally. What if he decides he doesn't want to wear pants and a shirt? Is it acceptable for him to run around nude?
I disagree it's not a safety issue. Think of a grocery store (or a store like walmart). People drop glass things and they shatter all the time. You don't think that a worker could miss a shard of glass and he could step on it? What if he has a small cut on the bottom of his foot before you realize it's there to bandage--do you trust the floors in a store to be well cleaned?
Kids feet are too cute to be considered rude at any point to me lol. Like you said...that part is just depending on the person.
But it is a safety issue in my opinion. Just yesterday we were in a sporting goods store and there was one of those theft devices on the floor. It was the part that has that sharp end that sticks through the clothes. We didn't even see it at first. So imagine your kid stepping on that without noticing it..yep that would hurt a lot. I agree with letting him picking the shoes out. Especially if it's a control thing.
My oldest wouldn't wear shoes or socks either as a baby and always ripped them off. When he turned 1 and was walking on his own, I made him wear shoes. Honestly it's no big deal out and about but when you go into a store or restaurant I think it IS a big deal. The signs say "no shirt, no shoes, no service" for a reason. One being what if he stepped on a piece of glass in a store and you wanted to sue them? Etc. It's not ok in a business if he is walking. In a stroller, fine. At some point you need to get your kid to wear shoes, right? Why not now?
More Green For Less Green
I let my two year old go barefoot at the farmer's market this morning. It's in a parking lot of a strip mall. He's two and very opinionated. He normally loves to wear shoes but the shoes we had with us had gotten wet walking through the grass just before and he didn't want to wear them. I decided it was not a battle I wanted to fight. I figured if the pavement was hot or otherwise uncomfortable that he would choose to put the shoes on. I realize that he could have stepped on something sharp, but ultimately he'd probably survive.
I grew up running around barefoot on a farm. My dad stepped on a nail in the barn and it went right through his foot, had IV antibiotics the whole works. He was wearing sneakers at the time. My parents made a sign for the barn featuring the offending nail. The sign said "no shoes allowed". Obviously I'm not advocating walking into a barn barefoot necessarily, but shoes don't protect you from everything, and the things shoes do protect you from are probably not deadly (with exceptions of course).
However, my son is comfortable wearing shoes in general and is willing to wear them if I insist. I think in a situation where the child is walking regularly and refuses to ever wear shoes it's important to get to a point where they are willing to wear them sometimes and don't throw a fit. I wonder if playing dress up in your shoes would help.
PS - Another my son doesn't wear shoes story: He got a concussion and we took him to the ER. We were so concerned that we didn't pack well and forgot his shoes (he wasn't wearing them when he fell). We were carrying him around for the most part because he was lethargic etc. However, then he started to feel better and we realized we didn't have any shoes. I did let him walk around the ER hallway without his shoes on. I was just so glad he was ok, I also trusted the hospital to clean somewhat regularly and I was right there.
I don't think it's an issue beyond his own comfort and safety, but as long as you are confident that the safety issues are minor eg, a stubbed toe rather than standing on discarded needles, then I would let him discover the discomfort for himself.
Odds are he'll come to prefer shoes for their comfort in his own time.
I have also read (can't remember where) that ideally kids should go barefoot as much as possible until around 4yrs to allow for their bones and muscles to develop fully without shoes interfering. That might be something you want to look into for your own piece of mind.
Elizabeth 5yrs old Jane 3yrs old
If we are out and about DD has to wear shoes or she isn't allowed out of the cart.
If she's walking in public-she has to wear shoes. That's just the rule and she has to get used to it.
I briefly scanned the replies so forgive me if this was already mentioned. I would be concerned about the health issue as well. Any type of cut or scrap on his foot coming in contact with the bare floor in stores would be susceptible to infection. In addition to bacterial infection, fungal infections including worms can be picked up when barefoot. It's the same reason why shower shoes are recommended in locker rooms, and flip flops around pools.
My suggestion would be for you to do some reading on transmission of diseases including fungal infections via bare feet and then make a decision that is best for your family.
I really feel that sometimes you need to persevere and "make" things work.
My son (18M) usually has a negative reaction to new shoes. He cries, throws a fit, tries to rip them off, etc. Until he has worn them a few times (and yes, I make him keep them on). Then it is fine. He knows that if he wants to go outside he has to wear shoes, so he brings him his shoes to go outside. When I tell him we are going shopping or to the gym he sits on the bottom step and says "shoes shoes!".
If I had just taken his cues early on (screaming crying fit every time a shoe was placed on his foot) I would have the same trouble as you. Instead, I made it an everyday thing that he needed to do in order to go places and see things he wanted to see. Now it is routine. And every time we get a new pair of shoes we go through the same few minutes of "acclimation" and then all is well.
It is absolutely a safety issue. Glass, pins, and other hazards are everywhere. Adults who want to go barefoot are a different issue IMO. Adults are more in tune with dangers around them. Babies put their fingers in sockets still. 18 month olds don't know to keep their eyes to the ground looking for glass - they are running straight for the next toy/shiney object.
I look at this like I look at sun protection. My kids don't love being slathered in sunscreen every day - but they are. Because I want them safe and I'm the parent. If they got burned I would blame myself. If my child was barefoot and needed stitches on the bottom of their foot I would blame myself.
Go let your kiddo pick out shoes. Iw ould avoid crocs as "first shoes". They are clunky and heavy. I would go to stride rite and get some sandals with velcro that breath well and are light but easy to get on and off.
ETA: I was reading replies and see people mentioning sensory integration issues. Since the OP didn't mention this as a problem with her son, I didn't respond from that angle. Not every aversion is due to a clinical problem. Kids sometimes just don't want to do something and you have to keep trying until it is "old hat".
If there are sensory issues, you might want to talk to your pedi.
Married 6/28/03
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I alluded in my post that it could be an issue worth discussing with your pedi, but I agree with this.
I think if this is the only quirk your child has, no biggie. If your child has other quirks along with this (like food aversions/severe reaction to sound/certain materials) I would definitely have a conversation with the pediatrician.
I agree not all kids who have significant issues with shoes necessarily have sensory issues, but it can definitely be a warning sign that something is amiss.
I really appreciate all of your advice, I just thought I'd clarify something. I'm capable of making DS wear shoes, and I know the more often he wears them the more he'll get used to them. I haven't made him wear them so far because I don't think they're necessary yet. If he loved shoes I would have him in them for certain occasions but since he doesn't I haven't seen the point of it. Like I mentioned before, there are plenty of things that he needs to do even though he doesn't like it.
I see where you're coming from on the safety aspect but I guess I'm comfortable with the risk at this time. My original question was to see how other people felt about it (I assumed most would disagree with me since I get the side eye a lot) and to get some insight into why/when it's important to wear shoes. Thanks again ladies.