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February 2012 Moms
noryang
member
Had a consultation with a pediatric plastic surgeon today...(long)
noryang
member
I briefly alluded to this in the FFFC today and promised the full story. Here goes...
While not obvious at birth, it has becoming increasingly obvious that Eowyn got her grandfather's ears. And by that I meant that she has some seriously sticky-outty ears. It is adorable right now and reminds me every minute of my beloved grandfather who passed a few years back. Because it is so cute I have just been enjoying it. But in the back of my mind somewhere it has occurred to me that this may not be cute forever.
The cold reality of this hit like a ton of bricks when two friends referred to her as having "Dumbo ears".
Despite this, DH and I haven't really discussed her ears as a problem and I have been trying to shove it to the back of my mind. Then, at our last pedi visit, our very crunchy pedi suggested that we might want someone to take a look at her ears before we depart for post (in less than six weeks!). She mentioned that there is a procedure that is "barely surgical" and referred us to a plastic surgeon at Children's Hospital. H and I were shocked but assumed that our pedi wanted us to get a consulation because the procedure to was something very simple, minimally invasive and much easier to do on an infant than an older child.
So...we decided to go for a consulation. This was no easy decision. On one hand I don't ever want my daughter to feel like she is anything less than perfect to me and that I wanted to change her in any way. I love the way she looks and I don't want to change her. But on the other hand, kids are cruel. And it is my job as her mother to protect her in every way that I can. If a simple procedure could protect her from years of teasing and feeling self-concious about her ears - then I needed to look into it. I made an appointment all along hoping that the doctor would tell us that her ears are perfectly within normal range or that she would, in fact, "grow into them".
The truth is that he confirmed that she really does have "prominent ears". Significantly so. There is no such thing as "growing into them". And after taking measurements and photographs he said that her ears are in a range that most patients choose to have corrective surgery. And it is a pretty big surgery. General anesthesia and an hour or more of surgery on each ear! 
Apparently they do not prefer to do the surgery until the child is much older but recommend age 5 - before the child enters school and is likely to face "social consequences".
I can't believe that I am going to have to make this decision someday. That I may have to explain to my little baby that she has to have a really painful surgery so that kids aren't cruel to her. I am beside myself. It is truly an awful feeling to have a plastic surgeon tell you that your perfect, beautiful baby may be teased someday because of how she looks. I am so, so sad.
Soon to be Big Sister Eowyn - DOB February 2012
My family is a Foreign Service family. Families like mine are posted in every corner of the globe. We live our lives away from family, friends and the conviences and comforts of home. We often live and work in dangerous places among those that misunderstand our intentions and purposes. Sometimes members of our ranks sacrifice our lives to further diplomacy. Please remember that we serve too. And I'm always open to questions.
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Re: Had a consultation with a pediatric plastic surgeon today...(long)
Oh, wow - I would hate to be in your position. I honestly don't know what decision I would make. I would be so tempted to just tell her, "If they make fun of you, they aren't your friends," but I know it's not as easy as that. But you know, even if Eowyn didn't have sticky-outty ears, kids would find something to tease her about - that's the unfortunate thing about childhood, that kids are cruel, no matter what.
I guess it's good that you'll have a chance to wait until she's older - maybe the doctors will be wrong and her ears won't be as noticeably prominent, and you won't have to make that decision at all. In the end, I know you'll do what's best for Eowyn, because that's what good mamas do.
Melodic Insomniac
I'm sorry you have to make this decision! I honestly do not know what I would do if I was faced with this decision. I think it is good that you have to wait until she is at least 5 years old. You can wait and see how her body changes between now and then- and you never know what will happen. I think all babies have big ears at some point. My brother had the biggest ears when he was little and now they are totally proportional with his body.
A friend of mine just got her ears "pinned" (the same surgery) and she is 23.. she went through 23 years of deciding whether or not she wanted to do it and finally decided to just go ahead with it. I think it is good that you are open to the surgery and you can let your daughter decide if she wants to do it. Not to be insensitive, but I think I would be heartbroken if I found out my mom got my ears "fixed" when I was just a baby. Babies are cute and perfect and shame on the people who called her a name.
With all that being said, I am not in your situation. I hope you can find peace with whatever you decide and I hope people--especially the adults!-- will be kind to your daughter. She is beautiful and perfect.
Oh, I am so sorry you have to even think about something like this.
This is a good reminder of how important the way we raise our children is. Children can be so hurtful sometimes. I really want and hope I do a good job of raise my babies in a way where they are accepting of everyone's uniqueness and beauty.
I think your daughter is beautiful!! Maybe there is a way she can embrace her ears and be proud of them.
I'm not in your position, so I can't imagine what you're going through. But unique and unconventional is beautiful -especially when that person is confident in who they are. This sounds like an awfully big medical procedure for a little girl, especially since it is totally elective. One of the other PP's is right - if you get her ears "fixed", kids will find something else to make fun of her for. it's heartbreaking to think about our kids being made fun of, but unfortunately it's going to happen. What if she needs glasses when she's little? Would you consider elective surgery to correct her vision at such a young age? I'd be afrraid that if I went through with this surgery for her, you'll never really know if she'll grow into them or that she might think "Mommy and daddy didn't think I was good enough the way I was." General anesthesia has some pretty big risks (maybe not common, but big)... is this procedure worth those risks? I don't envy the position you are in - but my gut instinct would say "Hell, no, mister doctor sir. Who the hell are you to comment on my daughter's appearance??!!"
I have enormous ears. When I was an infant, somebody suggested to my mother that pinning my ears would be a good idea. She was so upset. I grew up getting teased- oddly enough more often it was adults rather than kids. I got the occasional "dumbo", "satellite dishes", "Fievel" etc etc...But I took it in stride for the most part. I hated my ears until after college when the jokes had stopped and I felt I had "grown into" my ears. I was 27 when I got pregnant- all of a sudden my ears were the butt of everyone's jokes again. I have to be honest here...it hurts my feelings, even though nobody knows. Colton got my ears. Worst than people teasing me, now I hear "oh, he definitely got your ears." It makes me feel like sh!t. My husband suggested we get Coltons ears pinned. That really stung.
Anyway if it's not her ears it will be something else. I dont feel like it scarred me or made me a better person; however if my Mom asked me when I was about 10 if I'd like to get my ears fixed I would have said yes. If you asked me right now id say mo. Im comfortable with myself. Surely this isn't helping you at all. Sorry. I can just relate. I'd wait and let it be her decision.
Im on my iPhone now but I'll post my pic later. Whatever you choose wont damage her either way, so don't feel guilty. You're a great mother for weighing the options and talking to people about it.
My Colton...Growing up so fast!
And Coralee, his baby sister...On the way!
I too have big ears. I was called dumbo at school a few times but what hurt me the most was when I was in high school my aunt told me that I should get my ears pinned back. It was the fact that a loved one told me I should have something changed that hurt me the most. I have never had it done and will never do it because they are a part of me. I know I got my ears from my dad and his family because we all have these ears. My husband even comments that he loves my ears just the way they are : )
Just as pp's have said. No matter what we do kids will always find something to pick on our children for. Luckily you have time to figure out what is best for your dd
I just want to thank all of you ladies for your support and kind words. The very fear of her feeling like I want to change her is the number one reason not to go ahead with any procedure (not that it is an option right now anyway).
And thank you so much to those of you that called her beautiful. I stare at her all the time and she takes my breath away with how gorgeous she is to me but I think we all do that.
For now H and I have decided that we need to love her ears (we already do) and have some great, lighthearted response prepared in case someone in her future lacks good sense and grace and makes an obnoxious comment. I feel strongly that she will absorb more crap about her ears from me if I don't handle it well or get upset than she will ever be bothered by aquaintances or strangers. This is where the hard work of being a mom begins...
My family is a Foreign Service family. Families like mine are posted in every corner of the globe. We live our lives away from family, friends and the conviences and comforts of home. We often live and work in dangerous places among those that misunderstand our intentions and purposes. Sometimes members of our ranks sacrifice our lives to further diplomacy. Please remember that we serve too. And I'm always open to questions.
I totally understand what you are thinking...you could also think of it similar to having you child get braces to straighten their teeth but instead of it taking years to slowly "fix" it is all done in 1 day with a few recovery days.
And yes there are times when braces are needed medically BUT they are more commonly cosmetic and that is why insurance companies often do not cover them, but will cover to get teeth pulled if needed before getting the braces.
I just thought of this b/c my almost 8 year old needs to go to the orthodontist and we are having the pleasure of learning all about them and what is covered and why.