Single Parents
filxoxo
member
Update on -Seconds thoughts hyphenated name- post
filxoxo
member
He's now saying he's going to be talking to lawyers and whatever he needs to do to make sure his name is attached to our LO. He said something about it being a pride thing and that if he will be paying child support (which he will be) then he 'deserves' to have his last name added to hers.
I know it's hard to say but how likely do you think a judge will grant his request to hyphenate our last names for our LO?
BEAN *06/29/2012*
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Re: Update on -Seconds thoughts hyphenated name- post
BEAN *06/29/2012*
To be honest, a lot of BDs blow a lot of smoke and threaten all sorts of things when they feel that they are losing control of the situation. Also, a lot of times they say they will pay child support willingly, but then when they see that money disappearing out of their paychecks it becomes reality and they do things to avoid paying.
I would still just give baby your last name and if he wants to file for visitation and he can bring it up in court then.
Again, let the proof be in the pudding. Don't put him on the birth certificate then file for child support. If he wants visitation or name hyphenation, he can fight for it.
He is just blowing a lot of hot air right now. You have seen his actual concern for his child to date, there is no reason to think that he will step up once the baby is present. Seriously, don't borrow trouble.
Lurker from blended, just wanted to say that this is not true. DH took his ex to court to get SS last name hyphonated and won. If he does it while the child is still young I'd say he has a very good chance at winning. The court sees it as what does it benefit the child to only have one last name vs what does it benefit to have both? It would be hard to prove that only having one would be beneficial.
Not saying you should put it on the bc, but something to think about if he does fight you on it...it cost EACH of them close to 3k to fight over the issue.
Right, I understand thats the big difference, but I wanted to share on the off chance he does fight it.
The way I saw it was that it would be easier for him to get the name changed once LO was older because then he could use that he has an active role in her life (if he does). I feel like me being primary caregiver, and him being 2.5 hours away and saying things like he might not sign the birth certificate because things aren't going the way he wants and he may not want our LO because she doesn't have his name and he may "snap" and not be able to take it anymore are all good reasons that she doesn't need to have the last name of an unstable father.
And I'm not sure if by ex you just mean ex-girlfriend or ex-wife. The father of my baby and I have never been anything more than friends who ended up with a precious gift.
BEAN *06/29/2012*
This also depends on the state. Here, they have a hard time seeing why a name should change it just because you want them to. A matter of pride would make a judge laugh and rule in favor of the mother. Plus, if they've never been married or cohabitated, the father can rarely prove he's an equal care giver to the child.
agree with the other ladies, a lot of BD's blow a shxt ton of smoke about "pride" "identity" when it comes to naming the children. My BD has said it and even brings it up in court often. I gave my daughter my last name and it's the best decision I've ever made. Will a judge order me to change it? I really don't know. I'll worry about that if/when it gets here. But for the time being, she has mine and I'm happy that I didn't allow him to bully/threaten me into doing something I wasn't happy with. If he does step up later (and not just paying child support, IMO while great, it takes more than a check every month to be considered a good parent), then be fair and offer to reach a compromise. but a last name is a privilege, not a right. Make him work for it.