NOT Pre-School related at all...infidelity question

cecee36 · May 2012

2 years ago when we lived in California, I snooped through my husband's email and found a picture of a young woman. When I confronted him, he became extremely angry and hung up on me while traveling out of town for work. When he came home, we discussed things and put the issue to bed.

Last year, when (literally) walking out of the door to head to my mother's for the weekend with my daughter and grandmother, I asked my husband to use his iPad. I opened the Safari app, and his gmail account popped up. He'd forgotten to log out. I saw an email exchange between him and a young woman. Turned out to be the same young woman I'd found in his email when we lived in California. He apologized profusely, swore that nothing that ever happened, and promised that it wouldn't happen again.

Earlier tonight, I snooped through his email and found, yet again, another series of email exchanges between him and this same young woman. He even went as far as wiring her a few hundred dollars just yesterday. I know that I have to confront him but how can I when my "hands are unclean'? How can I confront him about his behavior when mine isn't legit either? I am looking for any and all ways I can have this conversation...please help. Thanks.

Princess_Lily · May 2012

Your H may make an issue of the fact you snooped, however it is only to deflect that all eyes are on him.

This clearly needs to be discussed, but I may suggest doing it when the children aren't around...maybe set up a sitter and have a calm discussion at dinner.

AZ123 · May 2012

I wouldn't even say anything about the email. I would sit him down, hold his hand, look him in the eyes and calmly say, "I know that you're still talking to this woman and I know you've given her money. What I don't know, is whether or not you want to stay married to me?"

If he focuses on the fact that you snooped, then just keep saying, "You wife looking at your email wouldn't be a problem if you had nothing to hide." Don't use "snooped" and don't use "Me" - use things like "your wife" or "the one you took vows with"

Good luck and I'm so so sorry.

cecee36 · May 2012

Thanks for the support, ladies. These last two days have been really rough. But, right after I dropped my daughter off at school yesterday, I met with an individual counselor and she suggested many of the things that you all mentioned. What really seems to be the common thread is this: the way I came across the information shouldn't matter so much and I will let that sink in. He comes home tonight; I'll update you all on how things work out.

WestCoastMommy · May 2012

Just to be clear he is cheating. To maintain a relationship that long with another women means they aren't just friends. Not to mention he lied/is lying to you. You are married to him and who cares how you found out. I would confront him asap!

704bride · May 2012

I pretty much have the same advice as everyone else and am hoping that you talked to him by this point. I just wanted to offer my support and wish you luck. I'm so sorry you're going through this right now.

Emilia0101 · May 2012

WestCoastMommy:
Just to be clear he is cheating. To maintain a relationship that long with another women means they aren't just friends. Not to mention he lied/is lying to you. You are married to him and who cares how you found out. I would confront him asap!

I agree on the fact he is 100% cheating. It is nice to have friends of the other sex, but you don't hide them from your spouse, lie about them, and send them money. I hope if you are wanting this relationship to work he comes clean and you can move forward with professional help.

soxfan74 · May 2012

I am so sorry that you are going through this.I just know that if I ever knew that my DH was cheating, he would be gone. I would not stand for it. Stay strong and do what you have to do for yourself to be happy! Life is too short! Good luck. I would give the same advice to my best friend, my sister, and my daughters. You are worth more than to be treated like that. Oh and to answer your question, I would just tell him that I saw the sh*t he was writing to that girl, (by the way you are so nice to call her a "young woman" I would be calling her a lot worse,) and I would basically tell him to pack his sh*t and get the f out. Obviously without the kids around and in a nice calm voice. But again, that is just me! Seriously, good luck and stay strong!!

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NOT Pre-School related at all...infidelity question

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