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February 2012 Moms
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I need some honest perspective here!

minteamintea member
in February 2012 Moms

Coming back to work was somewhat difficult but a lot of fellow working moms said a plus side to working is that they really cherish each moment and are "completely present" in the evenings and weekends with their children. I take people at their word and that sounded great!

However, it's Thursday and I am still beating myself up about this past weekend so I need to hash it out with you ladies. After being on the go as a family all morning Saturday, DH left in the afternoon to visit some friends and I was alone with LO. "Great," I thought, "here is my time to shine and be so present and in the moment and joyful!" Except I was exhausted and LO was sort of fussy and the house was a disaster. I was kicking myself because I couldn't get "completely present" and in cherish-mode and I was thinking of how much better those other moms are. That made me feel awful and guilty-- so much so that I called DH and asked him to come home because I was feeling overwhelmed.

Typing this out I am realizing it seems sort of ridiculous to put such pressure on myself--we are juggling a lot of things here, it makes sense to be exhausted-- but even with that realization I can't help feeling guilty and kicking myself. Am I failing here?!

DD #1: 2012; MMC: 2014; DD #2: 2015; It's a boy! 3/31/2018

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Re: I need some honest perspective here!

  • aglennaglenn member
    I totally know how you feel.  So much so that a friend of mine sent me this link that I think you might enjoy; I bookmarked it on my computer for myself.  We are trying so hard and it's OK to admit that not every second is bliss.  Give yourself a break!
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  • sparks2987sparks2987 member

    As a fellow working mom let me tell you I completely get where you are coming from!!!

    I want to "cherish" every moment with DD, but life has to go on, laundry needs to be done, house needs to be clean, dinner needs to be made...the list goes on and on. What I have learned to do and this might help you, I set out 2-3 things that HAVE to get done on the weekend, usually laundry, clean the house and buy groceries for the week. After those things are done and I only do them while DD is napping, I am done. If I have time/energy to do more I will but I dont put pressure on myself and learn to lower my standards.

    My relationship/bonding with DD is more important than ANYTHING else, period. In  a week, month, year I wont remember if my house was clean that week but I will remember the time I spent with DD. With that in mind remember babies will be babies and fuss and you cant blame yourself for that.

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  • jmccall79jmccall79 member
    I feel bad in the evenings because I only have about 3 hours with my son...but come Wednesday all I want to do is crawl in the bed when I get home!  I feel bad because most of the time when I get home with him, I put him in his exersaucer or on his play mat...I'll sit there with and talk but I feel like a zombie.  I don't know that he knows any different, but I feel like I'm not doing the best I can, but also think sometimes what else could I really be doing with him anyway?

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  • nebraska84nebraska84 member
    I too, am a working mom, and you are doing the best you can. I always feel guilty when I leave LO but I tell him I am doing it so we can do fun things together and go on vacation and spoil him a little. :) Know that you are doing what is best for your family and it does not make you a bad mom at all. I think this is something we will all struggle with forever but we are doing what is best for our family. You are doing great...

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  • Lizg1799Lizg1799 member

    First of all, all those blissful mothers are full of it.  Unless they have babies who are completely content 24/7, there is no way they are "in the moment" all the time.  We are human and it is virtually impossible to assume that parenting is joyful all the time.  Even less so when you have the pressures of an outside career.  It's hard...I dread going back to work in July.  

    I, too, feel like I should be cherishing this time at home with my LO but I often find myself blowing up my husbands cell at 5:00 in anticipation of a little break.  

    Dont be so hard on yourself.   

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  • cs1225cs1225 member

    imageaglenn:
    I totally know how you feel.  So much so that a friend of mine sent me this link that I think you might enjoy; I bookmarked it on my computer for myself.  We are trying so hard and it's OK to admit that not every second is bliss.  Give yourself a break!

    OMG.  I am crying after reading this. Thanks for sharing it. 

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  • liberty95liberty95 member

    imageaglenn:
    I totally know how you feel.  So much so that a friend of mine sent me this link that I think you might enjoy; I bookmarked it on my computer for myself.  We are trying so hard and it's OK to admit that not every second is bliss.  Give yourself a break!

     

    What a great article! Thanks for posting :)

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  • MrsLindinger0905MrsLindinger0905 member

    I've been going through the same battle myself. The important thing to remember is that we are not failing! I'd loooooove to be a stay at home mom, but then I would feel just as guilty as I do now because I wouldn't be able to help support our family financially. That would just add another type of stress and it would create the extra burden on DH as well.

    In an effort to find the middle ground in this situation, I've recently started looking for a new part time job. I understand taking a pay cut will be hard for us, as we have some debts we're trying to pay off. But I think it will be worth it :)

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  • MrsLindinger0905MrsLindinger0905 member
    Also wanted to add, every weekend DH and I take turns being on "baby duty" for a couple hours. He does yard work and then I clean the house. I would love to cherish every moment, but I am a clean freak and get stressed out when the house is a mess lol. It's kind of like my "me time" which IMO is very important.
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  • minteamintea member

    Thank you all so much for helping me to feel less like a freak.

    And I am so grateful to AGlenn for sharing that link! I almost cried reading it because it was very reassuring that it's normal to not feel sparkly every minute of the day. Of course then I read some of the comments on the blog post about what an awful mother the author is for feeling that way, etc. and I felt a little shattered again.

    I need to grow a thicker skin!! Rationally I don't give a crap what some random blog commenter says, but it gets under my skin and makes me doubt myself. How do you toughen up!? Ughhhh!

     

    DD #1: 2012; MMC: 2014; DD #2: 2015; It's a boy! 3/31/2018

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