Coping?

butterflygrooves · May 2012

Hi... I have a foster daughter who my wife and I plan to adopt, she will be 2 next month and has a lot of delays. She doesn't speak on her own but has a vocabulary of 6 words that she will say in front of my wife and I only if prompted several times.

She is so disconnected most of the time and avoids doing a lot of things for herself if she can. We have been dressing/undressing her for the past 6 months and just the other day discovered that she can do it on her own but acts like she can't.

She used to flap her hands and trill but has stopped in favor of picking at her fingers and bending/crossing her fingers. She will look us in the eyes but not often and usually only when asked.

She was evaluated by the SART nurse this morning and the terms intellectually challenged/mentally retarded and autism were brought up as possible diagnoses' for her behaviors and delays. She needs further evaluation by a clinician and neuropsychologist in order to get a true diagnosis.

We plan to adopt her regardless of the diagnosis. How do you ladies cope with news like this? I feel so numb right now and I'm so scared for what may lie ahead.

Heather & Nayt · May 2012

I know I am pretty new to this board and i am sure women on here are going to have a lot more insight then i will. I just wanted to let you know that while i am so sorry you are going through this with your little one, you are not alone.

last summer we found out our son was severely delayed in his speech, and since then we have have a solid sensory processes diagnoses and are still waiting on the solid diagnoses for autism.

She is still young and from what i have read/learned getting help early is the best thing you can do, but i have also heard it is really early to dx anything as well. We have been working with our state's early intervention program and over all they have been great. But again, i know other ladies on here will have more advice on what to do since i feel like i am still drowning in all of this.

As for how i cope, I have been on a roller coaster of emotions: lost, confused, guilty, angry, discouraged, determined to do what i need to do, happy to have a great kid who is teaching me new things, over whelmed, and angry again. I can feel any and all those emotions in a 24 hour period. Just like my health issues and fertility issues I feel more in control of things when I research and learn as much as I can about it. It helps me feel like I have a tiny bit of control in something i otherwise don't have a choice in. I refuse to let it beat me and will do what I need to in order to get him the help he needs. Blogging and connecting to other moms who deal with SPD has helped me a lot to not feel alone and talking about my feeling both good and bad is therapeutic.

I try to not let the guilt, fear, and anger rule me because i am no good to my son that way but I'd be lying if i said it was easy. It's a weird cocktail of emotions and feelings and like our therapist tells me, there is nothing wrong with feeling that way, but don't let it control you.

idk of that helped or not. ;;hugs;; and good luck with it all!!

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