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Attachment Parenting
e_uecker
member
Having some worry/guilt
e_uecker
member
I have a 10 month old daughter and am now about five seconds pregnant. I am already starting to feel some guilt or maybe worry about how I will continue my hope with DD. We bedshare and I know that will be a tight squeeze. I wanted to breastfeed till three, and will continue, but I worry about doing it up until the baby. I know I need to research that more. I also feel guilty that I love wearing her on my back and was so excited to do so into toddlerhood, but now I wonder if the baby will be the one to wear now. This all are probably dumb and ways around them, but I can't help but have some guilty feelings along with the excitement. Any two under two moms continue with all of these?
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Re: Having some worry/guilt
I have 2 barely under 2, but I'll share what we've done on these fronts.
Bedsharing - We bedshared with our toddler for a little while when he was little but we weren't all sleeping well that way so we transitioned him out. I do know people who have added a toddler mattress in their bedroom as a lovely transition. But I also know people who have bedshared successfully with two older kids. It just depends on the variety of sleeping personalities. My daughter is naturally a wonderful sleeper and did not have any interest in bedsharing so we didn't.
Wearing - My toddler is super active and prefers to walk these days. However, I have been able to wear him on my back under certain circumstances (airport, walking the dog etc) throughout the pregnancy and then been able to wear baby on the front and toddler on the back (but not for more than an hour).
Nursing - We successfully nursed through pregnancy and are now tandem nursing. It has been the best thing ever for us.
It is totally possible to parent however you want, no matter how many children you have and how they are spaced. They are each individuals and as long as you meet each of their needs you'll be doing just fine.
Another 2u2 mom-and I'll share my experiences
Bedsharing--we were able to bedshare with both kids. My toddler went in between DH and I while the baby slept between me/a bedrail.
With babywearing-my oldest didnt like it once he got mobile into toddlerhood. You could definitely make it work by using a stroller on occasion with the baby while you wear the oldest. I still wear my younger child on my back and she loves it, so there could be hope with your 2nd.
GL and congrats!
Adventures in tandem nursing is a great book. Get it and read it!
My kids were just barely 2u2 and I nursed DS until he weaned himself at about 7 months pregnant. I was okay with him self weaning although I would have been okay with tandem nursing too. I just followed his lead and figured if he was happy then it was okay with me.
I think any pregnancy after the first child brings worry and guilt with it. With the first you might have the momentary Oh *** what did I get my self into feeling but mostly you are just excited. With a second (or I'm betting 3rd, 4th etc) you always worry about the other child and feel guilty for changing their life. Of course you are excited too it is just different. It will be okay though and even if your DD isn't BF until age 3 she will get a sibling that she will play with, learn from, teach, and ernjoy for the rest of her life.
My first 2 were 2u2 and we bed shared until the the older one started having trouble sleeping than we transitioned to a toddler bed in our room until he was ready to move to his own room.
I never word DS1 (I just didnt know about it) so I only wore DS2 and DS1 walked.
I had my 3rd and he is 5 years younger than my DS2, it doesnt matter if they are 2u2 or 20 years apart, every mom goes through a periord of gulit bringing a new baby into the family. But you will all adjust and fit into each others lives perfectly and you soon will not be able to imagine your life without LO2
CONGRATULATIONS!
My two will be about the same difference apart. Here is how we plan to approach the different things:
Bedsharing- DS will sleep between us, NB will sleep in the crib side-car next to me.
Nursing- Ditto reading Adventures in Tandem Nursing. I am still nursing DS. At this point, he is pretty much dry nursing because I just produce a few drops, but we both still want to continue nursing, so we do. He'll continue to self-wean as he desires unless my body decides otherwise in which case there is nothing I can do about it. He nurses about 3 times per day for <5 min each time, but it is still something.
Wearing- If you are strong enough and don't have any contraindications you can still wear your older one on your back during PG (see sig). I have pelvic instability and holding my son in my arms is painful, so wearing him is a great fit for our family. I could do a stroller but a) pushing things isn't great for my condition and b) DS and I both love the closeness so we work it into our week when possible. At this point, I wear him a bit 3 days a week versus a ton 6 days a week, but we still get it in. If desired, you can tandem wear the kids or have your DH wear one while you wear the other. You also may find that you decide to incorporate a stroller more for the NB so that you can continue to wear your older one.
No one makes the rules but you! I had similar fears, but eventually I decided that I wasn't going to treat something as a problem until it was an actual problem. I can gather ideas and resources now, but I don't have to "solve" anything until...well...I have to. New baby may have different preferences, DC1 may naturally grow out of something before baby comes, etc. I have found that mental shift very freeing.
Oh, and totally unrelated to anything you wrote about, but consider reading the book Siblings Without Rivalry. It doesn't address babies, but it did help me think about the way I want to phrase things even now so that as the kids' awareness grows, I've already "trained" myself to approach parenting two (or someday more) kids in a healthy way.
More Green For Less Green
Thank you all so much for the advice! I am very excited, but I am glad to hear the guilt is common. I look at my DD and think is it weird that I am excited for this baby when I have a baby right here? I know that is really silly, but it's the truth. I cannot wait for her to have a sibling though! I agree that this is the best thing I could give her. Even with the upcoming trials I am excited it still.
I will definitely look into the books!