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Attachment Parenting
mintea
member
Baby-led schedule & Naps
mintea
member
So far we have pretty much followed DD's cue for scheduling but from what I understand naps are important and now she's only getting a couple of cat naps. She set her own bedtime at night so we expected her to adopt some naps but she hasn't-- and when she does drift off it's usually for 20 mins or less.
We have tried to specifically put her down for naps by turning out the lights and rocking her if she does seem sleepy. Most of the time it doesn't work but if it does it only works for about 20 minutes and then she's totally awake. Do we need to be doing something to make her sleep more during the day? What would that look like?
Not sure if this matters but here's some background: At night she pretty much always starts nodding off around 9pm but she wakes up to eat at really varying times... sometimes as early as 1:30 and sometimes not until 6. She eats about every 3 hours during the day, but the times depend on when she ate during the night because her first morning feeding hinges on that.
DD #1: 2012; MMC: 2014; DD #2: 2015; It's a boy! 3/31/2018
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Re: Baby-led schedule & Naps
I'm pretty AP and baby-led, but naps... nuh-uh. What I learned, the hard way, is that many babies do not know, intrinsically how to sleep on their own. Because staying awake is so much more interesting, they can fight sleep HARD. (Not all babies, but some.) Heck, adults do it too. Thing is, it's somewhat self-rewarding, so left to their own devices, a baby may well learn how to function (though non-optimally) on as little sleep as they can manage.
For us, sleep is non-negotiable. It took DD 1.5hrs to go down for her nap today. 2hrs yesterday. But she's not leaving the bedroom until she sleeps. When she was younger (the 4-10mo range), it would often take an hour of bouncing her on a ball, while letting her suck my finger (wouldn't take a paci), humming, while she was swaddled, in a nearly pitch dark room, with a noise machine on. But we did it. For a mind-numbingly long time. Because sleep is that important, and she would just get more and more exhausted and fight sleep harder if we didn't.
I agree with this. Already we picked up "The No-Cry Sleep Solution" to get the foundations lain for better sleep when she's 4+ months old. I'm so so glad we did, because she has been much happier and better rested just a couple weeks after reading it.
I would recommend reading several sleep books in addition to the NCSS. Some stuff makes sense and when it feels right, try it. Although not popular in the AP circle, HSHHC has become sort of a go-to for me on what is expected/age-appropriate as DS grows.
More specifically, we noticed a huge improvement when we darkened the bedroom considerably. I forget now what our 3 month situation was, but somewhere along the way we discovered the importance of the dark room. When DS was really overtired, I would take a nap with him (we're co-sleepers at night) so that he could catch up. Somehow this makes things less frustrating for me, too.
At 3 months, I wouldn't sweat the short naps... their sleep cycles are short. My DS is a 45 minute sleeper a lot of the time. If you want to link sleep cycles, try to nurse your baby back down when they stir. At 13 months, I still do this when DS wakes up crying.
GL!
First- is her nap "schedule" negatively affecting her? Is she grumpy, irritable, etc? Or does she seem happy and fine with short naps? If she seems fine I wouldn't worry too much if they are short- LO did the same thing at that age (drove me nuts! lol). Don't worry about how much sleep she "should" get, just consider what she really does need.
Second- sometimes you'll hear people say to look at a (older than yours, of course) LO's nutrition over the course of a week, not day by day, to get a good picture. I think the same is true with sleep. Baby-led schedules/routines/etc doesn't have to mean you have to take every single day as it goes and have LO sleep just whenever with no structure (unless that's working for you, in that case... carry on
). For us, the first few months WAS like that- holding or wearing LO almost all the time, sleeping whenever he felt like it- and it worked. But as he got older and more alert it stopped working, so it was time to reevaluate.
Look at her days for a week or so. Is there a pattern to when she is tired? A certain number of hours of awake time she can handle? You might start to see a pattern of, for example, she likes to nap at 10, 1, and 4, or she likes her first nap after being awake X hours. Once we figured out a loose schedule like that at about 5 months, I would encourage a nap at around 11 and 3. Some days the naps were later or shorter or longer or earlier depending on the circumstances, but in general he started to really stick to that 2 nap routine. If you have a pre-nap routine ie rocking, wearing her, etc, start it as soon as she starts to look sleepy. If you start to see a pattern of times, you can start the routine before she even looks tired, and cut out the overtired issues.
Sorry that was long- my point is to continue following her cues like you have been doing, but don't be afraid to be mindful of the clock in addition to her cues.
All of this. A dark room + knowing the sleep cycle and being there for that transition into a second cycle was the big key for us when DS was an infant.I could time it down within a couple of minutes and as long as I was there when he stirred he'd go right back to sleep.
I should clarify that I work outside the home FT so I am not there for nap time most days- this is just the info I've been hearing from the relative who is watching her.
The dark room sounds worth a try though, I will suggest that since I had previously advised to not make it dark so she wouldn't confuse night and day. But LO seems to understand night now so maybe that would help.
I might also pick up the NCSS book. I read some reviews on Amazon that were unfavorable so I didn't end up getting it, but it might be worth a try.
She doesn't seem to fussy or anything, but all in all it sounds like we should be doing something to help her nap versus just letting her nap if she happens to nod off. Which is what we've been moving toward so we'll keep trying!
DD #1: 2012; MMC: 2014; DD #2: 2015; It's a boy! 3/31/2018
More Green For Less Green
DD took mostly "cat naps" (under an hour, usually around half an hour) until around 5 months. She then seemed to regulate herself and started taking 3 longer naps and is now down to either 2 longer naps, or if she wakes up early from her morning nap she'll sometimes take a half an hour nap in the middle of the day.
I also agree with the other moms who have stressed the importance of a dark room. It will definitely help.
This for my LO - it wasn't until around 5-6m that he started taking longer than ~45min naps. We did nothing different, he just got older and started taking 3 longer naps. He's now down to 2 naps 1+ hr each, occasionally a third short nap of about 30mins in the late afternoon if his 2nd nap ends earlier than usual.
It may just take time before longer naps happen. FWIW LO naps in a room with regular blinds, so lots of daylight, and he naps fine.