- Pregnancy
- Baby & Toddler
- Parents
- Getting Pregnant
- Baby Names
- Product Reviews
-
Registry
- Community
-
More
Want a personalized experience?
Download the free app
Working Moms
ac4mvp
member
Can someone please talk me through this?
ac4mvp
member
in Working Moms
I am going back to work in the office in a month and a half - a decision that was pretty much made this week since my work was unable to accomodate my request to have a more flexible schedule to work from home 1/2 time (with a caregiver for my LO at home while I work). I am very upset about having someone else with my LO (my first) for so many hours a week because I'm afraid he will lose a bond with me and maybe even prefer the daycare provider over me. He'll be almost 4 months by the time I go back to work. Because I don't work in the same town that I live in, there is also the commute time of about an hour a day to add in there too. I'm hoping I can at least get off work at 3pm so that I have more awake time with my LO.
I would really love to hear how you guys get/got through this. I know that I will spend most of my non-work time bonding with my LO, but would still like to hear that you all have made it work and that your LO still recognizes you, etc.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Can someone please talk me through this?
Many working mothers have this fear. And they're all wrong
You make the time you have with them about quality, not quantity. Yes, your child will (hopefully) become attached to, and care about, his day care provider but that's a GOOD thing! Kids can't have too much love and mom and dad are always mom and dad.
D1 was in an inhome daycare for 3 years, she had a wonderful bond with the caregiver, they truely loved each other. But D1 never for a moment questioned who her momma was, it was me and she knows it.
It is tough to leave them and go back to work but there are also a lot of benefits to daycare, they get to play with other kids and make little friends. Their days are busy and they learn a lot.
You are your child's mother...and they will know that.
My DH is with DD all day because of our opposite work schedules. They have an amazing bond I sometimes am jealous of. BUT...when DD gets hurt and needs love, it's still me who she runs to.
Okay. Take a deep breath.
First, I think all of your feelings are normal.
Second, I am so sorry your employer couldn't work with you at all- I just find that really sad. Part of retaining good, hard working employees sometimes means accommodating a request, even for a short period of time.
Trust me, you will always, always be mommy. No one will ever be as good as you in the eyes of your child.
My son has a nanny who he loves. At first I was worried about the same things you are, but now I am glad he loves her and lights up when he sees her. But honestly? At the end of the day, it is me who he comes running for, even if when she gets here in the a.m., he knows she's here to play and he says "bye!" to me.
*hug*
DD 12/20/99, DS 12/14/12, M/C 9/2014, M/C 1/2015
BFP # 1 - 12/19/09 EDD 08/27/10 - D&C 1/26/10 @ 9w5d
BFP # 2 - 06/05/10 EDD 02/17/11, DS1 born on 2/14/11
BFP # 3 - 04/10/13 EDD 12/21/13 - D&C 05/15/13 @ 8w4d
BFP # 4 - 07/27/13 EDD 04/08/14 - CP 07/29/13
BFP # 5 - 09/14/13 EDD 05/28/14, DS2 born on 5/22/14
I barely see my son during the week. He wakes up at 5:30-6, we leave the house at 6:45, drop him at daycare around 7, and don't pick him up until almost 5:30. He's ready for bed by 6:30-7. It sucks, but it's doable. We just make the time count. While I pump in the morning, I interact with him in his exersaucer. At home, I try to not do other things without him (like cooking dinner), and engage him and spend time with him.
He loves his daycare teachers, just like your LO will. But your LO will always know that you are mommy. As hard as it is to leave them there, the smile they give you when you walk in is priceless - it's my favorite time of day.
I know it's hard to be rational about this - but think about it - there are people that travel for work extensively, people who are in the military and deployed, relatives that live in different countries and states. They are not forgotten. Your children are your children - your bond with them is unbreakable - regardless of going to work every day. And keep in mind that babies have no concept of time so your LO won't know the difference between you going grocery shopping for an hour and going to work for 8 hours. I got through it by reminding myself that the majority of mothers work, that millions of women do this every day and that I'm just one of them. We all miss our children when we are at work, but we know they are well taken care of and happy while we are not there. And it makes us appreciate the time that we have with them. Believe me, you will see that your child will be so happy to see you at the end of each day and you will know that child is not forgetting about while you are at work.
Thanks again everyone!
The hardest part of this for me, I think, is that I was convinced that my work would be flexible. About 25% at the company work from home full-time already - they just happen to have moved out of state or were hired from out of state. It's very sad to me that they aren't accomodating to me as a working mom. Not only that, my job doesn't require me to be in the office!! There are some that work from home that have meetings 50% of the time and work with technical people often , so I would think it would be more important for that role to be in the office, and they are allowed to work from home. After I asked to work from home for the first 3 months (having a caregiver in my house) and was denied for that, I also tried to come up with a solution of being in the office 2 days a week, at home working 2 days a week, and have one day off - working 4 10 hour days. I asked to do that for the first year (so 8 months) and that was denied as well. It's very frustrating and sad that the company isn't willing to work with me.
I would ask again. Did you present an actual FWA proposal with details of how you can do your job from home, etc?
If not, I would give that another shot. I can see why they wouldn't want 4 10-hour days and 1 day off, but what about working from home 2 days a week and in office 3 days a week?
I think proposing shorter increments might help too. I didn't have all of my FWA approved but they definitely worked with me- but I went in with a huge outline of how it would work.
Good luck!
I understand how you feel--I was heartbroken when my ML ended because I felt like I had been the primary caregiver for DD and now someone else was going to be. It's hard, but it's also totally normal to feel that way and you'll get more comfortable in your working mom role. DD is incredibly attached to me. From the moment she comes home from daycare until she goes to sleep, she wants to be with me--and no one else will do
I actually really like that she's in DC now because it's good for me to see that she is happy with someone else and it doesn't have to be all mom all the time! She's learned so much there and it's so fun seeing her interact with the other kids.
I won't lie, those first couple days were tough! On me and on DD. There were some days when I took it hour by hour. But the longer it got, the better I felt about it. I have her in a place I really love, they take great care of her and they're doing fun and educational activities with her. I also love being back at work. It's nice to feel like I have a life outside the home. I do have a hard time, still, with how little I see her in the evenings. I get home around 5 and then put her to bed by 7. It's tough trying to fit in everything. But I also work part-time and have Tuesdays off, so I feel like I have a good balance.
There's no easy solution. There will be times when you feel like you're missing out on parts of your baby's life. But there will never be a replacement for mommy. DD knows when I get home and she's soooo excited to see me. I know that even when I'm away from her all day, I'm still her absolute favorite person in the world.
All of this x1000!