- Pregnancy
- Baby & Toddler
- Parents
- Getting Pregnant
- Baby Names
- Product Reviews
-
Registry
- Community
-
More
Want a personalized experience?
Download the free app
LGBT Parenting
TTC/ATP wednesday!
I forgot all of our other acronyms, but how are things going? What's new?
QOTD: With obvious ulterior motives, What are your feelings about allowance? Do you/Do you plan to give your kids an allowance? How much at what age? Discuss.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: TTC/ATP wednesday!
TTC: Well AF showed last week after a long absence and we decided I was going to test and try BUT then AF decided a three day stint was long enough and not to be tmi but it was no where near what a real cycle should be so probably a fluke from stress rather than a real cycle. So I will continue losing weight and watching for real AF.
ATP: Ky has entered a no listening phase. I get terrible reports almost everyday when I pick her up about her behavior. I am trying to work with her and at home she gets it. I am going to try and talk to the sitter today at pick up about what we do v what they do. Her rash is clearing up and she is sleeping without Motrin so the ears must be as well.
QOTD: I do not remember getting an allowance when I was younger. Not sure about DW. I used to get paid for my grades once we got into letter grades. That was awesome since I always got straight As. I think chores should be expected but not necessarily tied to money. I think kids can help around the house like that at a young age. As far as getting an allowance tha tis something DW and I would need to discuss...I am interested in reaidng what everyone else does!
ATP: Life is just rolling along. Carter has gotten his 'good day stick' at school every day for 2.5w. That is a record! The kids got their standardized testing scores back yesterday and Gray was in the 97th percentile for math. Who IS this kid? He certainly can't be related to me.
QOTD: This is one area of childrearing that L and I disagree. Though I hated the approach as a child, I think that doing things around the house (making the bed, setting the table, taking out the trash, dusting, etc) are part of being a family and being a family means that you help keep the family house clean and tidy. Money is given out as needed for certain things - movies with friends, etc and extra money can be earned by helping with extra things (helping do yard work/clean out the car/etc.) L is more in the theory of everyone gets an allowance for $1 per year of age and that money is divided between spend/save/give. We are working on a compromise....but haven't reached a conclusion yet.
ETA: Based on the past 8 months, my kids racked up $300/each (and that doesn't account for the "give" money) from overly generous grandparents for birthdays/Christmas, Halloween, Easter, Valentines Day, etc. - So they aren't hurting for cash. :P
Another normal week here. Sprout has been very hot/cold with his behavior but that's pretty typical. Rosebud has been very sweet. Lots of "I love you SOOO much!" which just never gets old
And Daisy, well, i think we can officially call it...Daisy STTN!!! cue the trumpets!
QOTD: I actually have strong feelings on this one. We wont be doing allowance in our house. Family members are all a part of the team that keeps the house running. I dont pay kids for things they should be doing anyway. That being said, I do think its important for kids to have $ so they can learn to budget, save, and all those other important money lessons. So, I'd be on board with the kids earning money by doing above and beyond things when they are older, but not for cleaning their rooms or helping with the dishes.
Blogs: Our Growing Family - CT Working Moms
TTC: In the 2 week wait! It's a little easier this second time around.
I'm super confident in our timing. Only thing is right now I am having minor panic attack because I just tripped and fell flat on my face on the sidewalk outside our school. 
I'm telling myself I'm only 2 DPO and it will be okay.
QOTD: I think maybe age 10 is an appropriate age to start earning an allowance. But chores should start earlier...I want my kids to learn responsibility as early as possible!
ATP: Just making plans, and trying to strategize for the next month or three of transitioning. How to make next weekend a little smoother, what to do with the kids for a weekend or two when we are doing some renovating/house projects, etc. But, overall feeling good. Pumpkin is doing great--just started imitating sounds we make, is full of belly laughs, and eating lots.
QOTD: Obviously one we are trying to figure out. I (we) are with most of you--not to pay kids for being a part of the family. But wanting them to have some money to make important choices. (And maybe? hopefully? avoid a few tantrums at the store. "You can use your money to buy that." )
And, can I just add---I am much more concerned about this with the four year old than the ten year old.
Any other brilliant tips for all the "Buy-me's" at the store?
We had several (read: at least ten in one day) tantrums, or pouty tears on demand. This doesn't actually bother me. I am fine with a crying child at Target while I observe from two aisles over.
At one point, I said, "I am not going to buy that for you. You can buy that with your money." "I don't have money." Bingo. And you have no control either.
I think your response was perfect and one I've used lots of times. I also say, "My job as a parent is to buy you what you need. You are responsible for the extras that you want."
Like 2brides mentioned, kids rack up money so the "i dont have any" is probably a temporary problem, but I would have responded, "No problem, lets sit down together tonight and talk about ways you might be able to earn money. Would you like to write down the name of this doll/toy/whatever and how much it costs so we'll remember what we are working towards?" or, if it is close to a bday or holiday, I'll remind the child that they can put it on their gift ideas list.
Sprout used to be really bad about the tantrums in stores but it passed relatively quickly if i used the above and kept my response calm and excited. Things like "oh, i can see you really want that toy! I bet you'll have it in no time if you feel this strongly about it. I'm excited to see what you come up with to earn the money!"
and for the record, 99.9% of the things he threw fits over were forgotten by the time we got home from the store and never mentioned again.
Blogs: Our Growing Family - CT Working Moms
Yup.
Note to self. I need to remember to be as calm, cool, and collected as CT.
yeah, i just re-read that and it makes no sense at all, lol. you know what i mean, right?...
Blogs: Our Growing Family - CT Working Moms
LOVE this.
TTC/PCP- We have sperm swapped out and DW is just finishing a cycle so hopefully in about 4-6 weeks we will be back to the 9 million RE visits. We are using ijectables this time and that is a little nerve wracking but we need to get these follies stimulated and moving along.
QOTD- Neither of us had allowances as children. I started "jobs" for my mom and neighbors at 10 and would earn money that way. I was very poor growing up and started working myself the minute I could legally work. DW never wanted for anything but was not spoiled either. We plan on teaching our kids the value of a dollar but will probably limit allowances. When our future children are older we agree that they can earn money by doing small "jobs" for the moms to earn money but these would be outside normal chores.
I hope nobody minds me coming out of (mostly) lurkdom to participate this week. I just wanted to share that our boys will be here Friday morning if not before then - less than 48 hours from now. Hooray!!! I have reached the point of utter misery in this pregnancy so I am documenting this as much as a pep talk to myself as anything else. LOL!
QOTD: M and I haven't talked about this at all yet, but my instinct is to give our children both chores and allowances, but not have them connected to one another, for pretty much the same reasons you all have listed. Chores will be part of being in our family/household; allowance will be to teach saving, budgeting, prioritizing, etc. I'm fine giving a small amount of "unearned" money (i.e. $1-2 dollars a week just because, without them having to do anything for it) in exchange for the educational benefit it will provide. If they want more beyond that, it's lemonade stand time. ;-)
TTC: On hold while we replenish the savings account. I'm so sick of no progress in this area.
ATP: I gave an update yesterday of our fostering progress. Things seem to be moving along swimmingly! Our issue right now is that people keep telling us to be open to more than one child, but Katie is REALLY scared of doubling our family size overnight. I think if they're in our target age, we'll be okay.
AOTD: I think kids should have chores, and then do extra chores for an allowance. K disagrees, b/c she was given an allowance as a child (I wasn't). We'll see. I don't think we'll have to decide this one too soon. Although, neither did you, EratJean!!
We are in a waiting phase and will be until at least August when the girls are TPR'd.
QOTD: Our kids have chores but no allowance, I ditto CT's response 100%.
Two Mommies Healing Hearts
This is how I grew up. There were chores, and they were not negotiable. The allowance had nothing to do with the chores. It also wasn't very much AT ALL.
We haven't decided yet exactly what we're going to do, but I think I lean in the direction of the model above. I don't know where K stands.
ATP: Things are going pretty smooth for us. E has 3 weeks left of kindergarten though she'll continue going there for care through the summer. I'm looking forward to nights without the pressure of homework and a tired kiddo. Her school gives us a weekly menu for what's served for lunch, snacks, etc. and now that she's reading a bit she's taken to trying to decipher what's on the menu for the next day. Last night she was reading it and came to pretzels and said piranhas. I said "E are you going to eat the piranhas or are the piranhas going to eat YOU???" We had a good laugh about that one, silly girl!
QOTD: We got a couple bucks a week for allowance as younger kids but I don't remember it being tied to specific chores. When we were older we were given money as needed for specific activities and both of us got PT jobs after we turned 16. E's dad and I haven't talked about allowance yet, but it's been on my mind. I also like the idea of the money not being tied to specific chores, that everyone should contribute to the house as a part of the family.
Welcome back! This probably more accurately represents L point of view.
We just had Jen's follow-up visit at the MFM and everything is going really well with the recovery. My brother and his girlfriend came over last night and watched the babies from 12:00a-5:00a while we slept - together, at the same time, in the same bed. And when we got up they had made a huge batch of lactation cookies to help Jen's supply. They are coming back tonight, and on Friday! I can only hope that H will be such a good brother to M when they grow up! I wish they didn't live 3,000 miles away. They're moving here but not for another 2-3 years.
QOTD: Chores, yes; allowance, yes; connected, no.
My parents' approach to chores and allowance was pretty scattershot. Jen worked a ton for her parents as a kid - not only chores, but also doing landscaping on their rental properties and working in the business they owned. (And when I say a ton, I mean that it was a special occasion when she got to go home an hour early to get ready for a big dance in high school.) Some of that was paid and some of it wasn't. She has a fantastic work ethic now, but we both agree that we need to meet somewhere in the middle. Since the beebees are only two weeks old and we aren't paying them for pooping, the details have yet to be worked out
TTC: Waiting... (2ww style.)
QOTD: I believe strongly in yes chores and yes allowance, but they are not connected in anyway. You are expected to do chores as part of the family. You get allowance to learn money management, all the reasons you guys have listed, and also because you're part of the family. This is also the way I grew up. How much depends a lot on norms at the time and what we can afford. I doubt our kids will get all that much in cash gifts. Maybe a little from B's family, but thats not my family's style. Saving a portion of that will be encouraged and/or maybe required. I'm also pretty strongly opposed to paying our kids for grades - school effort is an expectation. I was always super jealous of kids who got paid, as a good student who didn't, but as an adult I agree with my parents.
IVF Oct/Nov 2012
Beta #1 = 77, Beta #2 = 190, Beta #3 = 1044
Cautiously optimistic.
TTC: Also in the TWW. I'm going away for five days and I hope C can keep herself busy so she doesn't go crazy.
QOTD: I'm in the chores and allowances but not connected group. I think chores can be introduced very early - putting toys away when they are old enough to walk, etc. Allowance will start when they are a bit older...maybe 5-7? I have no idea how C feels, we'll talk about it a big closer to the time. We're definitely both committed to teaching money management and avoiding shopping as recreation, although there are plenty of kiddo temptations in non-recreational shopping places too.
AMH 0.5, AFC 5-8, FSH 7ish
IVF #1 - antagonist. Empty follicle syndrome. 1 retrieved, 0 fertilized.
IVF #2 - antagonist. Ovulated early. 3 retrieved, 2 fertilized, 0 blasts
TTC: I'm officially non-preggers again, so I am having a cheese and wine (and whine) session with a friend tonight. We're going on holiday to Seattle for a week so I'll miss my ovulation for June. Honestly, I think a break will be good. Now that I know what to expect from the process, I can relax on holiday, and come back refreshed and ready to start again. We'll do our third iui in July. I asked my RE whether I should consider meds/monitoring for the next few cycles, and he said that there is no reason to at this point.
QOTD - I agree with 2Brides on this one.