3.5 yr old running away - help!

StacyBee79 · May 2012

My oldest, who will be 4 in August, has been terrible about running away from my husband and me for the past week or so. The other day when we got home and he got out of the van, instead of going to our front door he took off the other direction and got clear to the next street before a neighbor saw what was happening and stopped him for me. He was on the sidewalk the whole time - never crossed a street - but still, it was a big problem. Since I'm hugely pregnant I wasn't able to run very fast, not to mention I had my 2-yr old to contend with as well. The other night, he took off running in front of us when we were at a busy outdoor shopping center. Tonight, he ran off from my husband from the playground. As hard as it is to chase after him now, it's only going to get harder with a newborn, so I REALLY need to get this to stop. Yelling at him to stop doesn't have any effect - it's like he thinks it's a game. Giving him a timeout afterward or taking away privileges (like tonight's bedtime story and song) upsets him but doesn't seem to deter him from repeating the behavior. I know if I tried to pull something like that when I was younger I'd get spanked and that would be the end of that... but I really don't want to resort to spanking. But it's getting to the point where I'm scared to leave the house with him because I feel like I won't be able to control him. Any tips?

Littlejen22 · May 2012

Does he have other impulse control issues?

StacyBee79 · May 2012

Littlejen22:
Does he have other impulse control issues?

I wouldn't say so... at least nothing that's out of the ordinary for his age. He doesn't always mind us, but for the most part he's an obedient and helpful kid. What would you consider to be impulse control issues? Maybe I just don't know any different since he's my first.

the_jackpot · May 2012

My son is a runner too. I always remind him of our expectations as we get out of the car: hold Momma's hand, we walk together etc. He thinks it is a game too, he will look back and laugh the whole time. We had a long chat with him last time he pulled that and it was about 3 wks ago and he hasn't done it again. I still think he would make a break if I did not reinforce it all the time.

Littlejen22 · May 2012

StacyBee79:
Littlejen22:
Does he have other impulse control issues?

I wouldn't say so... at least nothing that's out of the ordinary for his age. He doesn't always mind us, but for the most part he's an obedient and helpful kid. What would you consider to be impulse control issues? Maybe I just don't know any different since he's my first.

I don't know why I thought he was older. I have no real experience but was trying to rule out more serious problem like ADHD Impulse control I was thinking along the lines of is he often putting himself into dangerous sulituation, if you tell him it is dangerous does he keep doing something bc he cannot stop himself?

Jena503 · May 2012

If he can't listen, then he doesn't get the freedom to walk by himself. I would not let him anywhere outside the house or fenced yard without being held by the hand. When he complains tell him that he keeps running when mama says stop, so now he can't walk by himself. You'll probably need to keep it up for a few weeks, but I would make him earn back the privledge of not holding hands. I don't think that missing a bedtime story is effective unless you were going into the house to go to bed. Besides, it's not relevant to running away, so how is it a logical consequence?

schnappycat · May 2012

Jena503:
If he can't listen, then he doesn't get the freedom to walk by himself. I would not let him anywhere outside the house or fenced yard without being held by the hand. When he complains tell him that he keeps running when mama says stop, so now he can't walk by himself. You'll probably need to keep it up for a few weeks, but I would make him earn back the privledge of not holding hands. I don't think that missing a bedtime story is effective unless you were going into the house to go to bed. Besides, it's not relevant to running away, so how is it a logical consequence?

I agree with all of this. I would treat him like a toddler who runs and is just learning. He has to hold your hand, be carried, or go in a stroller (if you have that option) or cart if he isn't going to listen and behave. That is what we do for our little one right now and she is learning. Your DS might just need a reminder and I bet after a week or two, he will probably be a bit better. Or he will be embarrassed that he's being treated like a "baby" again and it might hit home quickly.

jlw2505 · May 2012

I would consistantly remind him of the rules before you leave the house/car or wherever. Tell him he has to hold your hand at all times until he proves he will listen and stay with you. Threaten to use a lease/stroller if needed. Consistency is always key and just staying on top of him. He is at that age where he wants to be independant.

MammaBear81 · May 2012

Jena503:
If he can't listen, then he doesn't get the freedom to walk by himself. I would not let him anywhere outside the house or fenced yard without being held by the hand. When he complains tell him that he keeps running when mama says stop, so now he can't walk by himself. You'll probably need to keep it up for a few weeks, but I would make him earn back the privledge of not holding hands. I don't think that missing a bedtime story is effective unless you were going into the house to go to bed. Besides, it's not relevant to running away, so how is it a logical consequence?

This exactly! I'd go as far as putting him a stroller if he pulled his hand out of mine when walking. I'm not chasing after anyone, if you don't stop when I say stop, then you can't walk on your own... You can't hold my hand while we walk, you don't get to walk.

704bride · May 2012

Jena503:
If he can't listen, then he doesn't get the freedom to walk by himself. I would not let him anywhere outside the house or fenced yard without being held by the hand. When he complains tell him that he keeps running when mama says stop, so now he can't walk by himself. You'll probably need to keep it up for a few weeks, but I would make him earn back the privledge of not holding hands. I don't think that missing a bedtime story is effective unless you were going into the house to go to bed. Besides, it's not relevant to running away, so how is it a logical consequence?

I completely agree with this and since you're not always able to hold his hand, especially with a 2 year old and a newborn on the way, I recommend one of those puppy backpack harnesses. We have one for DS that we used in certain places, like the airport. I don't care what people think of them. In my opinion, it is a great way to give them a little bit of freedom, but to get them used to needing to remain near you. Not to mention that there are times where your hand is just not available to hold theirs the entire time and safety is the number one priority.

penguingrrl · May 2012

It sounds like he is not yet trustworthy enough to go without a stroller or leash. I would keep him strapped to something any time he's not in the house or a fenced yard. If he fights it you simply explain that he has to earn your trust and until he does he doesn't get freedom. My mother used those exact words throughout our lives, from toddlerhood until we wanted to stay out later in high school and wanted to get our drivers licenses.

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3.5 yr old running away - help!

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