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Advice needed

cole2144cole2144 member
in Blended Families
Ok so for those of you who did not read my post on SD`s dance recital below, here is the situation. BM would not let my husband see SD in her dance costume at her recital even though DH switched weekends so BM could get SD ready for her first recital. Sunday night BM texts to ask us to switch weekends again for the weekend of June 2nd and my husband said no. We have no court order but some issues were agreed on through CCES, and we have been following that until we get a CO. One of those things was that the parent who has SD for a monday holiday gets to keep her. Now that DH won`t give in to BM`s demands to switch weekends she is refusing to allow visitation this weekend unless DH agrees in writing to have her back on Sunday. He really wants his visitation but he is figuring if she does refuse to let us take her, he will call the cops (who we know will not do anything) and then file for an emergency custody hearing. Can he do that? Will this look bad on BM? Any advice would be appreciated! TIA
No one else will ever know the strength of my love for you. After all, you are the only one who knows what my heart sounds like from the inside.
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Re: Advice needed

  • cole2144cole2144 member

    imageMelRC117:
    I don't know what state you are in; but preventing a parent rom seeing their child and violating a court order (I don't know what a CCES is) in the state of WI for more than 24 hours becomes a crime. Document, document, document and if you do contact police show the communication where BM originally agreed to switch weekends and where in the agreement it has that whoever has her on holiday weekends gets her that Monday also. You should also get something in court soon; police can't enforce something that isn't in writing through the courts and even of they don't get in the middle you can take BM back to court and she violated a court order. Cops can't do anything about a civil matter.

    We will certainly document everything that is happening. We have been through the CCES process and now the lawyers are negotiating terms and if and when they can`t come to an agreement on the fundamentals then we will wait for our court date. I am really wondering if DH can file an emergency custody petition if BM refuses visitation if there is no CO? Does it make a difference since we are in the process of filing?

    No one else will ever know the strength of my love for you. After all, you are the only one who knows what my heart sounds like from the inside.
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  • cole2144cole2144 member

    imagewendilea:
    I need to know what CCES is and how official it is before I answer.

    My husband filed for custody last May. The first step is the mediator, if there is no agreement which obviously there was not it goes to the next step CCES which is a child custody evaluation, they talked to both of us, her and her bf and met with DH and BM together with SD. The process took about six weeks. The Dr then makes a recommendation and then the parents try to come to any agreement. If they can not, they go before a judge along with the recommendation and they judge decides. At this point they are trying to come to an agreement through their lawyers. For the past 5 months I guess we have been working off of the few things they could agree on like who gets SD for Monday holidays, now since BM can`t get her way she wants to issue ultimatums. 

    No one else will ever know the strength of my love for you. After all, you are the only one who knows what my heart sounds like from the inside.
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  • Amanda88Amanda88 member

    This won't help you right now, but if she refuses to allow your H "exercise his right to visitation," you could file for a temporary custody order. This could potentially allow your H to have primary custody until a court order is put into place. If granted you would at least have primary custody until the final hearing. You would have to be able to present enough evidence that she has denied him visitation on X amount of dates, and that she is being unreasonable.

    When BM filed for this she quoted 5 dates (all lies). The petition for temporary custody said we had denied visitation more than two times. I assume this means we would have actually had to have denied her visitation 2+ times without reason. Fortunately, we could prove she was lying and she couldn't prove we had denied visitation. 

    We are in Texas, I don't know if it works this way everywhere else, but it may be worth asking y'alls lawyer about.  

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  • cole2144cole2144 member
    imageAmanda88:

    This won't help you right now, but if she refuses to allow your H "exercise his right to visitation," you could file for a temporary custody order. This could potentially allow your H to have primary custody until a court order is put into place. If granted you would at least have primary custody until the final hearing. You would have to be able to present enough evidence that she has denied him visitation on X amount of dates, and that she is being unreasonable.

    When BM filed for this she quoted 5 dates (all lies). The petition for temporary custody said we had denied visitation more than two times. I assume this means we would have actually had to have denied her visitation 2+ times without reason. Fortunately, we could prove she was lying and she couldn't prove we had denied visitation. 

    We are in Texas, I don't know if it works this way everywhere else, but it may be worth asking y'alls lawyer about.  

    Thank you for the advice, we will definitely ask our lawyer about this.

    No one else will ever know the strength of my love for you. After all, you are the only one who knows what my heart sounds like from the inside.
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  • SigirSigir member

    Document everything, but honestly without a CO your dh has no rights to visitation at all.  It sounds like the CESS is just a preliminary suggestion by the Doctor, so it holds no legal weight.  You could take the approach of not signing anything, picking up SC on Friday, and planning to return her Monday but be prepared that BM may call the police for kidnapping and they might all show up at your door on Sunday... that could be damaging for SD to be a part of.  And BM would be in the right, as twisted as that is--- just bc there is no CO.  (I don't agree she is right, but right now legally she is in the right, if that makes sense).

    I would probably go along with BM at this point, just so that SC does not have to witness an ugly scene... but I would also be on the phone every day with my lawyer pressing to get into court already.  Or consider switching lawyers!  I would be so mad that it is taking so long.  How old is SD- why has your dh never had a CO all this time?  I guess it is water under the bridge, but it's been years, right?

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  • cole2144cole2144 member
    imageSigir:

    Document everything, but honestly without a CO your dh has no rights to visitation at all.  It sounds like the CESS is just a preliminary suggestion by the Doctor, so it holds no legal weight.  You could take the approach of not signing anything, picking up SC on Friday, and planning to return her Monday but be prepared that BM may call the police for kidnapping and they might all show up at your door on Sunday... that could be damaging for SD to be a part of.  And BM would be in the right, as twisted as that is--- just bc there is no CO.  (I don't agree she is right, but right now legally she is in the right, if that makes sense).

    I would probably go along with BM at this point, just so that SC does not have to witness an ugly scene... but I would also be on the phone every day with my lawyer pressing to get into court already.  Or consider switching lawyers!  I would be so mad that it is taking so long.  How old is SD- why has your dh never had a CO all this time?  I guess it is water under the bridge, but it's been years, right?

    SD is 4 and a half. They never went to court because DH did not want to do that to SD and because BM threatened that he would get less time. DH was dumb to believe her and too scared to lose even more time with SD. Well fast forward 3 and half years and all along BM has always tried to call all the shots and use visitation to blackmail DH. Finally DH had enough and filed last year.

    No one else will ever know the strength of my love for you. After all, you are the only one who knows what my heart sounds like from the inside.
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  • CFjo2010CFjo2010 member
    Get all documentation regarding BM's request to switch weekends together and forward them to your attorney immediately. Let him deal with her attorney regarding this. If BM's attorney knows anything about Family Law and the Court system, he'll tell her not to go back on her word. Judges do not like these games, especially when SHE is the one who originally requested the swap. Until you hear back from the attorney, just keep reminding her that the switch was already agreed upon at HER request. As PPs said, let her know that DH will be going in for full custody if she continues to interfere and impede upon his time with his daughter. The term "parental alienation" will light a fire under her attorney's butt. 
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