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3rd Trimester
support during rest of pregnancy
My husband has been incredibly unsupportive. I try to tell him how I feel but he doesn't care. I know he's scared of the baby coming but still..It is harder for me to things around the house but he think's I'm just being lazy. I had bad sharp pains in my stomach last night and he called me a useless women telling me I don't do anything. I'm going to school and am very stressed out. He can be so nice but at the same time he turns into the biggest jerk. He has no problem with making me feel bad, if I cry, he doesn't ask why just says I need to stop being a whinny baby grow up. At night time my legs and hands hurt real bad and when I move a little he says stop moving I'm trying to sleep. He has already told me if he's working when the baby is here, he wants me to sleep the nursery with the baby so he doesn't have to be woken up and will wear ear plugs. I never though my husband would emotionaly treat me this way pregnant. He has no clue what its like, and he tells me to toughen up I'm making too big a deal of it women are pregnant all the time and don't get like. Yesterday I wasn't feeling well I tried to contact him all day sent him messages, calls, vms. This morning he tells me I'm an annoying person, lazy ass, and shitty. I'm unpleasant to be around and just being a jerk. I try to tell him how I feel and stuff and he doesn't care. I took him to a newborn basics class and he freaked out for a week. He doesn't have much interest in hearing about research I'm doing for the baby. When I cry cause he's being like this he tells me I'm whinny and do it to myself. I just don't know what to I know he's freaking out but its ridiculous.
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Re: support during rest of pregnancy
I agree. You (and your baby!) deserve better than that. There is nothing normal or acceptable about his behavior. Please don't let your LO grow up in an environment where they learn it's OK to treat people the way you are being treated. I can't imagine how difficult the situation would be, but if you reach out to people you'll get all the help you would need.
This exactly. It's not even close to ok for him to be behaving this way.
I know how sweet of a guy he is, and in the beginning of the pregnancy he was so sweet and caring. He has his off days and he's not working right now. I know he's stressed about bills, etc. But its honestly like he's thinking me being pregnant is just an excuse to do less things. I have cried quite a bit. I love him and I know he is scared, first time dad. He says I'm giving attitude, telling me I'm stupid for blowing up his phone, if he acts crappy he never says sorry. One of the major problems I r think is he came from kinda a broken family. His parents got divorced when he was in like eight grade. His dad treated his mom bad, and while married was running around with another woman when they were almost divorced. His mom had a lot to deal with. But he never actuall had a good male influence in his life to show him how to be a good caring husband, or supportive during pregnancy. In my opinion he's selfish, and sometimes when I tell him how I feel and he listens. But its like he's so scared and stressed out he's taking it out on me.
getting out of that situation is difficult but I knew it was what I had to do for DD. I would suggest marriage counselling though. If the problem persists please try and do whats best for you and your LO.
Going to our families is useless. I was thinking about going to a counselor he knows and having her tell him its not ok. Maybe he would listen to someone else, because he won't listen to me, and his mom doesnt think he has any issues. He needs someone to kick him in the ass and tell him the way he is being is not ok. I know there are times where I am annoying or a pain but its not fair for him to be like that.
First off I am so sorry that you have to be going through this especially during a time when you need the most love and support possible!
Has your husband always been this way or is this new behavior that has started since your pregnancy? It is never a good idea to stay in a negative situation that could put any emotional strain or abuse on you or your future child. If this is new behavior I would think it has something to do with his fears and nerves of becoming a new father. Is this your first child? There are a lot of good books out there for first time dads that talk about what they go through during pregnancy. A lot of men have a hard time dealing with the change that pregnancy and a new baby bring to a relationship. He may be feeling stress that he now is responsible for caring for another human life as well as look after you too.
I would absolutely demand going to talk to someone together or have a third party mediation where you can sit down and talk through it. Whatever you do don't just ignore the problem and hope it goes away.It is important that your husband knows his behavior is unacceptable and not a safe enviornment for you or your new baby and that he is going to be just as responsible for your baby as you are.
From what I read, it sounds like you are the one that needs to kick him in the ass and you need to stand up for yourself. You need to be the strong one and say "enough". Literally tell him if he cant be man enough for you then he needs to get lost. His mom is fueling his behaviors because that is where he learned them. You can put your foot down, or you can stick it up his rear and tell him where to go. Don't EVER let a man talk to you that way or call you names.
Dexter 08/31/2012~Summer 07/25/2011~Jack 10/21/2008~Aaron 08/12/2007
Speaking from experience... he sounds like he has a very abusive personality..
You will never know how things will work out in the end, but from what I know it does not get better. It sounds like he is testing the limits to see what you will but up with and he just keeps pushing you further and further. I really think you need to pack some things and leave for a few days, figure out what is going on, talk to a councler even if he will not go with you (honestly probably better if you go alone for the first few times to express yourself openly.
You do not what your child being exposed and you should never have to deal with ANYONE treating you like that... especially your husband...
Good Luck.. make sure to keep you and your baby in mind when making all of your decisions!!! You are both very important and very special you deserve nothing but the best.. if he will not give that to you - move on.
Personally, I am not a religious person, but if you are and you attend a church regularly it might be worth it to talk to your pastor/priest. I don't think you have to pay, and it wouldn't seem as formal as a marriage counselor so it might be easier to talk your husband into going. That said, if you happen to go to one of those churches where they tell women to suck it up and obey their husbands then ignore that piece of advice.
I would urge you to seek counseling in some way, and I would also urge you to look into women's shelters in your area. Make sure you have a good friend or family member who is completely on your side and will help you get away quickly, if needed. You haven't said your husband is physically abusive, but everything you have said suggests he is emotionally and verbally abusive, which is a huge red flag.
No one deserves to be called stupid by a loved one, for any reason. I can understand being freaked out about a new baby (I know I am) but it's both of y'all's faults that this is happening, and right now you're shouldering the bulk of the burden. I mean, my pregnancy so far has been a breeze (knock on wood), with no morning sickness, no heartburn, no complications, I'm still able to exercise and work full time, and it's still miserable at times.
Bottom line, you and your child deserve better than to be treated this way. Please seek out whichever solution is best for you- counseling or separation- and be safe.
Too bad he's scared. Most husbands and FTDs don't freak out on their wives/gfs and say terrible things to them. Tell him to grow up or get out.
I am very sorry you are going through this. But as a counselor, I can tell you that that counselor friend is not able to tell him what to do. The purpose of counseling will be for you to gain strength and the tools to decide what is best for you and the baby.
As a mother, I will tell you that you are responsible for the health and well-being of your baby and as difficult as it seems, you may need to decide what is the healthiest option for you.
No matter what you decide we support you! Good luck!
those bills will get a lot smaller for him when you leave his sorry ass. what a douchebag. is there anyone you can go to? ANYONE? even if a friend lives in another state, wow, i would go. this guy is terrible for you, and it would be terrible to raise your future LO in this household. i'm so sorry you're going through this. the things he's saying to you are absolutely awful.
I understand that you are both under a lot of stress emotionally and financially, but there is never a situation that makes name-calling OK. You can't cut him slack on this. You are his partner, not someone he gets to degrade. His family background doesn't matter. He's an adult, and he needs to make choices about what kind of man and father he wants to be.
PPs are right, your child will learn behavior from both of you. You should make sure that your home is a place of safety and respect. I would say definitely try counseling. If that doesn't work, you'll probably need to get out of the situation. I know you love him, but love shouldn't be reciprocated with abuse.
Best of luck to you.