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WWYD

wheelsonthebuswheelsonthebus member
in May 2012 Moms

Hi Ladies, Since all of us on here have either just had a baby or are about to have one, I thought you'd be the best ones to ask about this situation.

A year ago, I agreed to be a bridesmaid in my cousin's wedding. My cousin was like a sister to me growing up so I was very excited and honored to be a part of her big day. When I found out I was pregnant and that the wedding was about a month after I gave birth made me a little nervous, but I didn't think it would be something I couldn't do.

After a few months, my cousin decided she was going to have the wedding abou four hours away from our home town. I still thought this would be do-able for us. Recently, in the last month or so, I'm finding out more and more details that are making the wedding day very hard for me with a newborn and a toddler. She decided that the reception would be four hours after the ceremony with dinner at 8pm. The ceremony location is 35 mins away from the hotel and the reception is 30 mins away from the ceremony and hotel. As these details were found out by me (She is a very poor planner) I became more and more nervous, but was trying to go with the flow. She told me this past weekend that she is now expecting everyone in the wedding party to be with her from 10am-8pm. She said we will not be going back to the hotel for the four hour break between the ceremony and the reception and that she wants my H to follow the limo from place to place so that I can nurse the baby. My H is now obviously upset because we were planning on having him stay at the hotel with the children for the ceremony. I was going to go back to the hotel after pictures and nurse the baby etc. This is just becoming more and more complicated and I'm in full panic mode about how we are going to do this. My husband is very angry and doesnt' think he can handle carting the two kids in the city rush hour traffic from place to place all day long.

So, as fellow new mommies and new mommies to be, what do you think of this? Any ideas on how to work it out? This is keeping me up at night. I don't want to burden my cousin with stress, but this just feels so ridiculous to me.

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Re: WWYD

  • fyziksgirlfyziksgirl member
    I think that sounds unreasonable. I would sit down your cousin and talk to her honestly. Tell her that you will have a newborn and will have different restrictions. Lay out what you can do (attend ceremony, stay for photos, rejoin at reception, whatever you think is reasonable). Tell her you cannot do more than that, and that you understand if she would rather you not be in the wedding. Basically, give her two choices: you participate as much as you are able (and lay out what that is), or you don't participate in the wedding but just support her as a guest. Make it clear you will support her either way, but if it were me I'd put my foot down somewhat.
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  • papeetepapeete member

    imagefyziksgirl:
    I think that sounds unreasonable. I would sit down your cousin and talk to her honestly. Tell her that you will have a newborn and will have different restrictions. Lay out what you can do (attend ceremony, stay for photos, rejoin at reception, whatever you think is reasonable). Tell her you cannot do more than that, and that you understand if she would rather you not be in the wedding. Basically, give her two choices: you participate as much as you are able (and lay out what that is), or you don't participate in the wedding but just support her as a guest. Make it clear you will support her either way, but if it were me I'd put my foot down somewhat.

    This exactly.  Good luck!

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  • FyreFlyeRushFyreFlyeRush member
    imagepapeete:

    imagefyziksgirl:
    I think that sounds unreasonable. I would sit down your cousin and talk to her honestly. Tell her that you will have a newborn and will have different restrictions. Lay out what you can do (attend ceremony, stay for photos, rejoin at reception, whatever you think is reasonable). Tell her you cannot do more than that, and that you understand if she would rather you not be in the wedding. Basically, give her two choices: you participate as much as you are able (and lay out what that is), or you don't participate in the wedding but just support her as a guest. Make it clear you will support her either way, but if it were me I'd put my foot down somewhat.

    This exactly.  Good luck!

    Ditto! 

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  • DrRxDrRx member
    imagefyziksgirl:
    I think that sounds unreasonable. I would sit down your cousin and talk to her honestly. Tell her that you will have a newborn and will have different restrictions. Lay out what you can do (attend ceremony, stay for photos, rejoin at reception, whatever you think is reasonable). Tell her you cannot do more than that, and that you understand if she would rather you not be in the wedding. Basically, give her two choices: you participate as much as you are able (and lay out what that is), or you don't participate in the wedding but just support her as a guest. Make it clear you will support her either way, but if it were me I'd put my foot down somewhat.
    I agree with everyone.  It is just unrealistic to expect you to be with them for 10 hours while your DH follows you around so you can nurse. 
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  • cookies+milkcookies+milk member
    imageFyreFlyeRush:
    imagepapeete:

    imagefyziksgirl:
    I think that sounds unreasonable. I would sit down your cousin and talk to her honestly. Tell her that you will have a newborn and will have different restrictions. Lay out what you can do (attend ceremony, stay for photos, rejoin at reception, whatever you think is reasonable). Tell her you cannot do more than that, and that you understand if she would rather you not be in the wedding. Basically, give her two choices: you participate as much as you are able (and lay out what that is), or you don't participate in the wedding but just support her as a guest. Make it clear you will support her either way, but if it were me I'd put my foot down somewhat.

    This exactly.  Good luck!

    Ditto! 

    I completely agree with this! 

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  • livinrealitylivinreality member
    When is the wedding? HOw old will LO be?
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  • pithikakipithikaki member
    imagecookies+milk:
    imageFyreFlyeRush:
    imagepapeete:

    imagefyziksgirl:
    I think that sounds unreasonable. I would sit down your cousin and talk to her honestly. Tell her that you will have a newborn and will have different restrictions. Lay out what you can do (attend ceremony, stay for photos, rejoin at reception, whatever you think is reasonable). Tell her you cannot do more than that, and that you understand if she would rather you not be in the wedding. Basically, give her two choices: you participate as much as you are able (and lay out what that is), or you don't participate in the wedding but just support her as a guest. Make it clear you will support her either way, but if it were me I'd put my foot down somewhat.

    This exactly.  Good luck!

    Ditto! 

    I completely agree with this! 

    Perfect advice here IMO.   It's immature for her to have such unreal expectations, especially of someone with a new LO.  

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  • winter-shockwinter-shock member

    Personally for me I would do it. But I have two very easy going children. Both travel well (so far) and I would just make sure I pack lots of activities and snacks/food for the older child. But I am also a person who doesnt mind the challenge for a day. 

    If you are not comfortable with it and don't think you guys can manage without too much stress, talk to her! 

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  • MelissaMisoMelissaMiso member

    imagefyziksgirl:
    I think that sounds unreasonable. I would sit down your cousin and talk to her honestly. Tell her that you will have a newborn and will have different restrictions. Lay out what you can do (attend ceremony, stay for photos, rejoin at reception, whatever you think is reasonable). Tell her you cannot do more than that, and that you understand if she would rather you not be in the wedding. Basically, give her two choices: you participate as much as you are able (and lay out what that is), or you don't participate in the wedding but just support her as a guest. Make it clear you will support her either way, but if it were me I'd put my foot down somewhat.

    perfect answer


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