October 2011 Moms

Am I cold hearted?

So I need an outside perspective here....

I have a friend in town from Germany. He is my baby brothers friend. Not really mine, but we used to run in the same crowd, somewhat. Whatever, he is here for 6 months  on a work and travel visa. He is 26. Now, when he originally arrived, he stayed with us for 3 weeks and then moved into an apartment with room mates. I think it's a sublet at student housing.

Now, when he asked if we could help him out before he came, I originally said no, because well, I was pregnant at the time and didn't want anybody in the house. My brother then asked if I could reconsider and I agreed, but I made clear that it really cannot be a long term thing. Then A was born, he was an easy baby and I warmed to the idea. Well, as you all know I got pregnant again. So I made sure that Ron knew it was a temporary thing with us - also because the guest room will become A's new room, since the nursery is gonna stay the nursery. All of that was clear.

Fastforward....Ron arrived and we had just gotten rid of BFF and her horrible new guy. He was doing well, quiet, helped out, looked for a job, an apartment, everytHing was great. Yes, he was  still a guest, and that can be annoying all by itself, but he was really as pleasant a houseguest as can be.

And then he moved out. And he quit the job he had because he thought he had something better. And that something better did not work out. And he figured he would buy a car but now cannot afford it. And the room mates try to not party too hard and he doesn't like that either.....and...well, he has turned into a whiny baby. He wanTs to stop by all the time. That usually disrupts our schedule. Aside from the fact that he is a serious downer when he is here and keeps sorta whine about Canada in general, how difficult everything is, how much he misses home, that the food is bad, that he gained weight...blablaBLA.

While I don't mind having him come here once a week for dinner and being his German connection, going to authorities and all that, I really don't want to be his mommy. I don't want to hear how much he misses home. I don't want to listen to how much the place I chose to leave home for sucks. I really just don't want to listen to constant whining, because that is what I do for DS anyways. My lap is already taken, so to say, and he cannot sit on my knee whining.

I also don't get why you would want to go abroad to experience a foreign country and then don't try to actually experience it and don't embrace the differences at least a bit. Or why you would wait to email contact companies for jobs until you are there. Or why you would not research car insurance costs for example, just to then find out you cannot afford it when you are there. I just do not get it.

Now, he keeps calling every day and trying to invite himself. I told him no. He can come for dinner once a week, period. He b!tched about that.

But now, I/we never offered to be his host family or whatever. Quite the opposite, we only agreed to start him up and even said no in the beginning. Because we knew that we did not want to be emotionally involved with anyone right now. Between each other, DS, this pregnancy, the dog, the cats, the company and normal life, we are stretched pretty thin. And he knew all that.

So, am I cold hearted? Do I have to suck it up and hold his hands through the next four months? I really don't feel like it. He said today, that he will leave early if he cannot be part of the family. I told him that he would regret that down the road and to try and make the best of his opportunity. There are other jobs out there, he has two offers on the table where he can start on Monday. It is not like he has to live on the street. He is not lonely. It is just not the family attachment he wants, and his room mates don't feel like drinking and partying either, so he mopes.

I just need to hear some input here....WWYD? And what do you guys think about the situation? 

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Re: Am I cold hearted?

  • No, you are not cold-hearted.  He is an adult and he made his choices.
    Married 08.19.06 ~ DS 9.30.11 ~ Baby #2 EDD 11.28.18

  • I don't think you're cold hearted. I think you're being generous by offering him a warm meal and company once a week. 

    I understand, we've had a few room-mates since MH & I bought our house, we said once the baby was born that there would be no more. It's hard to live with someone else. I don't blame you a bit for saying no.

    He'll get over it.  

      
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  • Good god!  This guy is annoying me.  Let him go back.   It is his life and his experience he can only get as as much as he puts into this.  You are being overly nice, but still having a backbone, not cold.
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  • Thanks ladies,I needed some reassurance here. 

    Penny, I get that. It is annoying me to even type it out.... 

    Lilypie Second Birthday tickers Lilypie First Birthday tickers
  • Not cold hearted...just mature with a life of your own.
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  • It sounds like you've already done more for this guy than most people would be willing to. It also sounds like he's totally ungrateful for all the help you've given him so far. He's a grown man who made the decision to put himself in this situation and he needs to make the best of it on his own. You've got a lot on your plate, and don't need to add his issues to it. If he decides to go home early that's his problem.
  • No way, dude. You are not his mommy. I agree with Crystal - he needs to grow a vagina Smile
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  • You're not the slightest bit cold hearted and I'm amazed at how patient you've already been. That would drive me crazy! There is only so much energy when you have a child and on top of it, you're pregnant again. So much of the emotional comfort and satisfaction within a family is met by the mother and you need to worry about yourself and your family first. He's invited for dinner and that's perfectly reasonable.
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