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Toddlers: 24 Months+
groovygrl
member
anyone feel like everything fun just ends badly?
groovygrl
member
sometimes I just don't want to do things b/c I know while it will be fun, the ending will always be a mess, b/c they won't want to stop, or they're tired, hungry or some combination and I usually end up carrying at least one screaming child into a car or house followed by crying & tantruming. Yes, I give minute warnings and "after this one last time of xyz we're leaving" warnings, etc but it doesn't matter, 80% of the time when we finally have to go, at least one of them resists & if I"m by myself, dragging them both out is a nightmare.
Take tonight, we go outside to play in teh evening with their cozy coupes. They take FOREVER to ride them around the sidewalk & then want to push the toy lawnmower around the yard. Fine, nice night, they had a late snack & decent nap... I tell them we can do it for 15 minutes and then inside for dinner. At some point I need to put an end to this & go inside ot make dinner and I give them warnings--- we go around the back one last time then into the garage and inside for dinner. Get close to the garage & say, OK DD gets to push it the last bit into hte house now and then we go in to eat. When we get to the garage all I get is NO NO NO, laying on the ground, screaming ,running away as I try to drag them both in & get the garage door closed. She is still whining & crying and I"m trying to get the dinner finished but she'll be all worked up & won't eat it now. My neighbors must think we beat them w/ all the screaming that goes on in our driveway every time we go out somewhere.
I just feel like it is this way with everything we do no matter the time of day, the activity, etc. zoo, museum, walk, park, play in the yard, play on the porch...always ends with someone crying & screaming and just makes me not want to leave the house some days. Ugh. Thanks for letting me vent.
ETA before anyone tells me to plan better, I try my best to always have snacks w/ us, to not be out during our normal sleep times (to the point of being anal and probably too much into that) and all of that.
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Re: anyone feel like everything fun just ends badly?
Yes. Or during the outing/playtime/event there will be a major meltdown or any number of reasons neither DH nor I can pinpoint. We have tried everything and have become afraid to go out sometimes because of it. I don't want to wish time away, but I am ready for this stage to hit the road..
And same here with the planning. Snacks, toys, books, activities structured within activities (animal safari at the zoo, game at the park, etc). He could not give fewer shlts about my planning.. The only thing that ever goes remotely OK is the gym pool in the winter because he gets cold and wants to go home after 30 minutes. Or the park if we're willing to stay there and chase him wherever he wants to wander for hours on end until he is too tired to walk another step. And even then he flips out about going in his carseat.
Would it be possible to have them do something fun inside while you are making dinner? DD2 LOVES to draw, so instead of saying lets go inside to have dinner, tell her we are going inside to draw, she happily complies, I let her draw for 5/10 minutes. When it's time to eat their might be a little fuss (but at least she is inside), I also let her know she can go back to drawing when she finishes dinner. GL, I hope things get easier for you
there is not really anything outside of TV (sometimes) that would draw them inside as a fun activity. And that would then end badly when it got turned off.
This is me. I'm always eager to get out and run errands because they are so good out. We can do party city, go out to a sit down restaurant, an hour long grocery trip. Doesn't matter. They are golden. I dread coming home because they are fussy and fighting and although there is no shortage of stuff to do here, bored.
I think it's the age. I think calm and consistent and never bargaining is key. My DH takes the kids to the nearby playground for an hour after dinner so I can clean up in peace and he found setting the timer on his cell phone and taking it to them so they can hear it works rather than telling them. Good luck!
We've had so many issues with DS. A couple of suggestions that would work with DS is telling him ahead of time what is going to happen. So for example keeping it short by saying we are going to the (1) car, then to the (2) park and then (3) home. So with everything we would do I would usually use a social story or pictures to help show him what is expect and what to expect. Also a timer works great for DS. I tell him one or five more minute and set a timer when the timer goes off I stick to leaving or cleaning up or whatever the timer is needed for. Practice at home so when they hear the timer when they are out it means something to them.
DS has a few sensory issues so he has had therapy but I think these tools would work great for any parent especially for ones with LO who have a hard time transitioning.
DS just turned three and there has been a HUGE change with him. Less tantrums, easier time transitioning and really no longer needs a timer. So these tools can be use for a short time and can be faded.
The other thing I should mention is I started keep DS in and avoiding situations but it really isn't then answer.
GL!
You might try setting an alarm on your cell phone when it is time to go home or go inside.
We were having lots of trouble getting my son to go upstairs to take a bath and/or get ready for bed. He never wanted to stop playing. Now, we give him a 10 minute warning and tell him that when the alarm sounds (we call it a dinger) it's time to go upstairs. Until then, he can play whatever he wants. It's like magic. As soon as the alarm sounds, he puts away his toys and goes right upstairs without a fuss.
It seems to be easier for him to listen to the alarm then have us tell him to do it!
It's totally normal for you to feel this way, and for them to act this way:)
I still went out when my child had tantrums when we left places, but I only had one to deal with. I wouldn't have done it with two at that age!
I have friends who completely stopped going places for a while. It just wasn't worth the effort. They stayed home and had friends come over, played in their yard, etc. If you can eliminate some of the hassle (getting into the car, tantrums in public, etc.) that is half the battle.
Good luck! It does get better and easier!
By no means are things perfect on my ranch but two things that SOMETIMES help me:
1) when they have 15 min left, "Ok, you've got 15 minutes left, you're going to ride back and forth then put your bike away and come quietly inside and play with your inside toys while I fix dinner", repeat those expectations at 10 and 5 minutes.
2) when the fit's being thrown (or after when I can get his attention) I tell him that I understand that he's not happy about going inside but that it makes me sad and that it makes me not want to do fun things because I don't want to deal with that reaction.
Good luck!
Thanks all! I'm going to try the cell phone timer, then it is always with me...!!!
Went on a playdate today. had a great time, they all played so nicely, ate lunch nicely, played outside nicely....gave a minute warning twice, then a 'last time down the slide and we go home' type thing and both screamed & resisted, DD screamed as I carried her inside to grab our stuff and did not stop screaming until 30 min later after we'd been home 10 min and she decided she wanted a book before our nap. I ignored her pretty much the whole time in the car & took her right to her room when we got home. She's got some lungs & does.not.stop. argh.