CO

+j+k+ · May 2012

Just talking out loud here.

So it's getting down to me reviewing the CO and trying to decide what I am going to propose to H in mediation. I got the paperwork for that portion from my lawyer today.

My husband does not know yet that I am filing. I don't want him to know just yet because I want to make legal decisions with a clear head and I am trying to get as much determined as I can prior to that discussion. After I tell him it will be very hard and I will be making decisions based on hurt, anger and guilt. Flame me if you want, but I need to make healthy clear headed decisions for DD.

But I still feel guilt. Today I got an overwhelming sense that I was betraying my husband. Maybe I am...but I keep telling myself and I feel in my heart that I have to do the right thing and I need to provide a healthy happy home and life for DD most of all, and for myself. I no longer believe that I can have that with H. I have always been open and honest with him and for the first time, I'm keeping secrets. It's not my way but I feel I have to.

God this sucks so bad.

Cheerilee · May 2012

If you are doing the right thing by you and your DD, then you're doing the right thing! Hang in there. You're a strong woman and will get through this. Hugs, thoughts, and prayers your way!

Kaeldrasmommy · May 2012

You're doing the right thing. I can understand why you would need to do things the way you are, and the way you feel that you are betraying your husband. I can't say that you are or you aren't, but I think I would feel the same.

karatechrissy · May 2012

Your priority is your dd right now. You have already decided you are done, so don't think of it as betraying him. He betrayed you by all these poor choices he has made in your marriage. You are making good decisions for you and dd in order to keep her as safe and stable as you can. You deserve happiness. I can't imagine how hard this is for you, but you are in my prayers :-)

socloudy99 · May 2012

You are doing the right thing. Guilt is a terrible thing and most of the time it isn't deserved.

Big hugs and lots of luck as you make these big changes!

Phantomgirl · May 2012

Only you know if you are doing the right thing.

Either way I think you should give individual counselling a go.

I'm truly sorry that it has come to this J and I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

You must be so hurt and devestated right now.

You're a good person and a good mother no matter what road you take.

X

DarthNBJenni · May 2012

I would write the court order that you WANT right now, and tuck it away. If you think your husband might fight back at anything, I'd ask for the moon first, and work my way to the court order you deem fair.

Karma1969 · May 2012

You need to ask for everything because your H will ask for everything too. That's when mediation starts and they try to find the middle ground thats agreeable for both of you with the child's best interest in mind.

Or you ask for everything and your DH walks away and moves back to Texas. Based on his past, I think this is more likely. If this is what he decided to do then it's better that it happens now while your DD is young and won't remember it any other way.

I don't consider what your doing to be sneaky. I consider it to be proactive for your DD benefit. She is the focus now and you do everything you can to give her the best of everything at almost any cost.

Holly_1007 · May 2012

I just wanted to wish you luck j&k

I'm finding myself in a difficult place in my marriage right now, and am starting to do exactly what you did a few months ago, getting finances in order and documentation I will need. we are going to go ahead with counseling, and hopefully we can improve our relationship, but I just wanted you to know that even though you felt like all you did was piss and moan on here, you helped me realize what I needed to do if it came down to a situation that I needed to dissolve my marriage, so thanks.

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