frustrating comments about vbac

mobiz · May 2012

i was at a child's birthday party yesterday and it came up with two other moms that i am hoping for a vbac. one friend who had two csections, the other two vag births. they each had super rough first deliveries, so the one opted for a RCS and the other was lucky with a fast and smooth second vag birth.

the conversation turned awkward as they both kinda thought i sounded naive attempting a vbac. the friend who had 2 csections thought the risks were too big plus she said she pushed for 2.5 hrs before her first csection so she wouldn't recommend it. the second friend kind acted like i was thinking pushing would be easy when she had such a rough delivery to prove it isn't. (i never got to push because i failed to fully dilate)

i'm not saying a vbac would be easy....but if i don't try it then i'll never know how it would go. of course i have fears about either option--but i know that no delivery is without issue and complication potential!

i just felt on the spot and didn't feel like it was a moment to 'educate' them about what i've read about the options, but i also didn't like feeling judged.

i guess i'm just venting a little....does anyone else feel like you have to defend yourself? do you have a good, quick answer that explains your views and they back off?

in the end i know it only matters what i decide and not what others think...but it was just awkward.

Twizzle · May 2012

mobiz:
i'm not saying a vbac would be easy....but if i don't try it then i'll never know how it would go. of course i have fears about either option--but i know that no delivery is without issue and complication potential!

I think that what you said here is a good answer. It's short and to the point. You can also say that the great thing is that you have the option to make your own decision about your birth.

I haven't really had to argue with people about it, but I have encountered some (including my own mom!) who just assumed I would be doing RCS and were a bit shocked when I told them I was going to VBAC. I think all I told them is that I have done some research and I feel that VBAC is the better option for me.

Unfortunately there are so many pregnancy/birth/parenting decisions that we have to defend ourselves against.

babyike · May 2012

It sucks when you feel like you have to "defend" the choices you've made for your pregnancy/birth/health etc. I agree with PP that simply stating, "I understand that either option comes with possible risks/benefits, but VBAC is what works best for my situation."

GL and just know that many of us who are either planning or have had a VBAC have encountered skepticism numerous times. Be your own adovocate and relish in the support from whomever provides it Smile

cchill01 · May 2012

This is why I've come up with a mental blocking and tackling technique. If birth stories start coming up and I can get away, I do. If I can't get away, I try to nod my head and say "yeah" a lot, while not listening at all.

And, I try to refrain from telling my birth story or birth plans. I tell the SHORTEST story possible and keep my VBAC plans short and sweet. I say something like, I'm trying for a VBAC, but if it doesn't work, then I have an RCS scheduled for 6/18. If you don't go into a lot of detail, usually people don't give too many opinions or force the issue.

MAprincess · May 2012

I generally avoided telling people that I was having a VBAC. At least strangers. It always took all of my energy not to school them of the dangers of a c/s when they started to tell me how selfish I was.

None of my friends questioned me. I don't think any of them were surprised. And since I worked in research during both of my pregnancies, they knew I was well read.

I'd suggest not talking about it with relative strangers and just going with the smile and nod and the "this is a personal decision that I have researched and discussed at great length with my doctor who agrees it is the safest route for me."

iris427 · May 2012

I agree with pp to consider keeping your plans mostly to yourself. I always just said "we're going to see what happens" and kept it really vague and noncomittal. That pretty much shut conversation down and I didn't have to hear uneducated opinions. I only talked about my VBAC hopes to people I knew would not say stupid crap LOL. Don't let the naysayers get you down.

byrne15 · May 2012

I am always defending my desire to VBAC.

I don't have a good "come back" though. I usually just stare at them or say, well I hated my C-sec so I am going to try to never have another one.

emaddock · May 2012

I also feel this way. No one I know has said that they think a VBAC is the best choice it is more that they smile and nod when I tell them. Then I feel I have to tell ten that I am also thinking c-section. So, yes, I feel your frustration

Jena503 · May 2012

Ok, not sure I'd use these at a birthday party, but they're only slightly confrontational:

Too risky? Well fortunately ACOG doesn't agree with you.

RCS safer? Sounds like your OB didn't go over the risks with you.

ChynaDholl · May 2012

I had to with quite a few people when I was attempting my first. Just to hopefully encourage you (and I know no two women labor the same) but with DD, my VBAC baby, I dilated to 6cm with her without feeling it AT ALL. Then between the time it took to dilate to 10 and her being born, was less than 2 hours and she came out in 2 sets of pushes. So don't let anyone deter you and try to tell you that pushing is so hard to get a section. GL mama!

margeincharge3 · May 2012

Yeah, this is why we aren't saying a word to anyone about our plans. It's none of their business and I don't need to get into it with anyone.

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