Since there's no sleep board.. help me please!

Mrs.Ess · May 2012

My daughter will not sleep more than a few hours at a time. We have been sleepless for the greater part of a year, my mother in law just died, we both work full-time, and we are under incredible amounts of stress at our house. This is taking such a toll on my husband and I and I feel like I am developing serious anxiety. If there's anyone who can offer advice or sympathize with me...

My daughter turns 1 this week. She was never a great sleeper. At about 5 months, we did a modified extinction sleep training with scheduled checks. It worked wonders and she slept great. Then at about 7 months she started getting ear infections and nothing worked to get her to sleep except giving her a bottle. I know this was a bad habit to start, but it was literally the only way to get any sleep in our house as she was waking every 1-3 hours consistently. This continued on and off for the last several months. Three terrible ear infections later and we got tubes placed last week. She goes to sleep at 7:30, almost ALWAYS wakes between 10 and 11, and again between 2-3. I had managed to stop the bottle on the first waking this last week. Tubes seem to have made no difference with her sleeping. I believe it is behavioral.

We have tried the same training we did at 5 months, also tried pick up put down method; but it seems going in just stimulates and aggrivates her more, even if we don't pick her up or talk to her. I feel like she is just way too aware of her surroundings for these methods to work any more. I have ordered Weissbluth's book and have tried to read what I can about it online.. I feel like it may be the only option we have left but I just don't know if I can leave her in there to cry. When we have tried that, she cries full strength for over an hour. I know it takes consistency but we are so desparate we go in and give her a bottle or bring her into our bed, which never works anyway as she just squirms around and kicks me and talks to herself and doesn't sleep much anyway. I know these are the worst things to do but we are so desperate every night. Last night I nearly had a nervous breakdown.

I don't even know what I expect to hear from posting this, but I hope someone can tell me this can get better.

IlliniQT · May 2012

I am so sorry you are struggling. I think the hardest part of sleep training is not giving in. If she cries for an hour and you give in, then she just learns to cry for an hour and eventually you'll come to her rescue. That being said, it isn't easy, but it might be worth the short term investment for a good nights sleep eventually. GL! And sorry to hear about all the major stress going on in your life!

boopsiebear22 · May 2012

First of all, so sorry to hear about the loss of your MIL. As far as the sleep training goes... DS used to wake up like this. We got him on a seriously regimented food schedule, and cut down the naps during the day down to ONE, after lunch, for an hour. He has a bedtime routine: dinner (baby food and cereal), bath and a story, then a bottle. I have spoiled him and let him fall asleep on the bottle. Once he's asleep, I take a moment for me to just enjoy my peaceful little man before I go put him in his crib. Angel

DH works the PM shift, so he gets off work at midnight, usually making it home around 1am. DS used to wake up but now has gotten used to him coming in. We invested in a noise machine that plays nature sounds, white noise, and lullabies and has a REMOTE. I'd have to say that last part made the biggest difference because it wasnt Mommy or Daddy coming into the room. (A lot of monitors have a lullabye function.) DS learned to self-soothe once the music started. He sometimes still wakes up around 3-4am, and I am able to give him a bottle and he holds it and goes back to sleep... and so does mommy. Good luck!!

jc&cat · May 2012

I am so sorry to hear of your MIL passing and all stress you are under right now. When DS pulled this with us (didn't STTN until 18 months old!), I thought I was seriously going to lose my mind, end up divorced and this child still wasn't going to sleep! I even totalled my car

We went to the sleep center at the local children's hospital b/c we thought we were out of options. They walked us through what we needed to do to help create a routine and a plan to teach him to sleep. I read all the books, etc but it was a caring hand that directed some fed up and tired parents through the process. He had some breathing issues which we addressed with an inhaler however we still had to do what was basically Ferber to get this done. I too thought he was WAY too old for this and too familiar with his surroundings, walking, talking and NO way was going to deal. We went forward with it, stayed as strong as possible with putting him in the crib and doing periodic check ins and prayed for the best. It took about a week but it was SO amazingly (a word? not sure) worth it! Staying strong is the hardest part but as the previous post stated, you have to show consistency. I read and re-read the Sleep Easy Solution to guide me.

His routine became: snack, bath, pjs and books in his room, hugs and in the crib with his lovey and blanket. Incidentally, that is DD's routine now and it works!

Create a plan and do your best to stick with it!

Good luck!

katncrack · May 2012

I had a terrible time with sleep also and things are better for now. I did the sleep training with checks and also learned that I can't let my baby get too upset or she can't settle. If she starts getting too upset I pull a chair next to the crib and hold on to her while she falls alseep. It took almost two weeks for her to get used to going to bed for naps and at night on her own. She still wakes once a night. For us an early bedtime works best, she really likes to be in bed at 6. She also needs naps although for a long time I didn't work on them because I just didn't think she needed it. I read Ferber (and I did not want to) but my pediatrician recommended it. It is not a sad book about leaving a baby to cry, I actually found it quite helpful.

nbbride06 · May 2012

I am so sorry you are having such a difficult time. I totally get it as my LO, who was finally STTN, started waking up again last week due to teething and has woken up every night since. Ugh. I second Sleep Easy Solution. It is great. It worked wonders for us for the going to sleep at night. However, it didn't work for middle of the night feeds so we had to do extinction. We literally didn't go in at all and let her cry. The 1st night took 1.5 hours. The second night took 45 minutes. The third night on there was no crying. It sucked but was totally worth it and LO is not any worse off.

ericalg · May 2012

I agree with the PP. Sleep was very hard for us in the beginning too, and we'll still have our bad nighst but the biggest thing in consistency. When we did CIO I just kept reminding myself that if we let her cry for 30 or 45 minutes only to go in the and pick her up we were only hurting her more. I think if you do that they don't realize why one night they cry and you don't come and or pick them up and the next you do (or vice versa). If you really can't let your LO cry then there are other options out there (no cry sleep solution, I think). I'm not sure how well they work because I haven't read the book because Ferber worked for us. All I can say is good luck. Pick a plan and STICK to it. It could be a very rough couple of days, but I promise it will get better. And it will be worth it.

MrsEllis10 · May 2012

I am very sorry abou the loss of your MIL and also the stress you are under. I hope I can help with my response...

I had similar issues, but never had to use the bottle. I literally tried to sleep train her 4 times and after a week of crying for an hour every night I would give in and go back to rocking her to sleep. I must admit that I am pregnant right now and I gave in a lot easier in the 1st trimester because I was just so tired and sick. Most nights she just ended up in our bed. I even thought maybe she was having night terrors and mentioned it at a checkup. The pedi checked her ears and asked me a few questions and then told me that she was playing games with us and I would just have to let her cry. I began to cry hearing this because I was so tired of having to hear her cry. I tried sleep training again and failure, BUT I did take the pedi's advice of letting her cry during the night. We were going in every 2 hours patting her butt, sha sha her, anything to get her back to sleep. (I will add that she was STTN at 3 weeks old and the 4mw ruined her) The first time she woke she cried/fussed for 30-45 min and put herself back to sleep, the next night she woke twice and fussed for 20 min each. The 3rd night she woke 3 times, but only fussed a min each. Now she still wakes once sometimes, but its a toss and turn and 1 wah and back to sleep. I kept rocking her to sleep and not going in the room until it was time to get up for the day. I was finally getting sleep! This has been forabout 2 months now. We did go on vacation and of course just let her sleep with us, because she would wake in the PnP and freak not knowing where she was. I had said I would try sleep training again when we got back. I tried and the first night was 45 min, 2nd was an hour and 10, 3rd was 20 and 4th was nothing. This has been goingon for about 2 weeks now and I am going to sleep much better as is she. I honestly think that she just was not ready to be sleep trained.

I guess what I am getting at is maybe keep doing anything and everything that works to get her down initally and try to let her CIO during the night. Do full extiniction until its time to get up for the day. It worked for us and I hope if you do try this it will work for you. Every baby is different and requires different methods of sleep training. Good Luck and I hope you get some sleep soon!! Keep us posted!!

JMU_Bride09 · May 2012

I know it's not what you want to hear, but it sounds like you really need to CIO. I was absolutely against CIO, but my son was doing the same thing of waking every 1-3 hours. I would bring him into the bed with us, but he went from sleeping soundly for 5-6 hours to restlessly for 1-2. I tried every no cry method I could find, but he always knew what I was doing and just cried. I could tell that he was exhausted (he even had red rings under his eyes), and we eventually did CIO. It was really hard...he would cry for over an hour sometimes too. I would check on him every fifteen minutes. And it didn't work within a day or two. It took maybe a week. It was a really hard experience, but he is so much happier now. If you can find something else that works, then by all means, do that! But I wanted to share my experience with you. Good luck!!

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