Hello, let me introduce myself first..
For the first 30 years of my life, everything was smooth and worry-free. I was my parents’ most beloved child, found my true love in college, and happily married him after graduation.
At work, I was my boss’s most valued employee. Whenever I was in charge of a project, colleagues would inevitably say, “Oh, then I’m totally at ease.” I was constantly named “Employee of the Year,” with generous bonuses every year.
Later, I started my own business. Within just three months, I had broken into the market and started making money. By the fifth month, I was earning twice my previous salary. Growth was steady month after month. Right when the business needed more hands, I serendipitously met an amazing partner, and the company reached a whole new level.
Really, it seemed like at every step, whatever I needed, a pair of hands would always place it right in front of me, just in time.
My Two Girls: Ellie & Mia
Meet Ellie, My Firstborn
In 2020, my husband and I decided to have a child. After trying for over a year, we finally got the news in 2021 that a little one was on the way. In 2022, we welcomed our first child, Ellie. She made me a mother.
She is utterly adorable—big eyes, rosy skin, chubby little hands. Every time I look at her, I can’t help but give her a kiss. She is pure joy, and I love her more each day.
But as a first-time mom, I faced unprecedented difficulties. The postpartum tearing wouldn’t heal, and the pain was excruciating. Clogged milk ducts made my breasts hard as rocks. The severe sleep deprivation… And what was even more crushing was that, with zero parenting experience, I was clueless when faced with her unexplained wailing, night terrors, refusal to nurse, constipation, diarrhea, fevers… I desperately searched online, longing for one accurate, truly useful answer!
It was during this time that I thought, once I make it through this “dark” path, I must leave a light on for other new moms.
And Then Came Mia
Ellie had just turned one when I got pregnant again. In 2024, we welcomed our second daughter, Mia.
Completely different from Ellie, Mia is a great eater and sleeper. Although she had her fussy moments in the first two months, starting almost from month three, she became super easygoing. She feeds on schedule, gradually sleeps through the night, loves her solid foods, and adapted quickly when I had to stop breastfeeding due to mastitis.
This made me realize just how vastly different babies can be! It made me even more determined to write about my experiences.
Why I Had to Start This Blog
The Catalyst: A Life Pivoted
After Mia was born, my business also began to decline sharply. I had no choice but to close it and become a full-time mom. My work no longer involves Excel and Word, but instead revolves around changing diapers, washing bottles, making baby food, and managing household chores…
This has been a monumental challenge for me. All my past achievements seem irrelevant now. Managing two young children has brought me a sense of frustration I’ve never known before.
The Daily Reality
They are always fighting over things. When one is in my arms, the other immediately demands to be held too. When I try to cook, Ellie wants me to read her a book. When I attempt to load the washing machine, Mia has a diaper blowout, and I must drop everything to change her…
By the time I finish all that, I see the cup of hot coffee on the table has gone cold again. And it’s not until evening that I remember, “Oh my goodness, the clothes are still in the hamper, unwashed!”
Of course, being a mom is filled with happiness, but that doesn’t negate how hard it is.
My Promise to You
Because I’ve walked this path myself, I won’t just tell you how joyful motherhood is, like many websites do. I want to share my real, unfiltered experiences so every new mom can find a “companion” here.
I want to tell you: you are not alone. What you’re going through, I’ve been there too. Your breakdowns, your helplessness, your moments of losing control—I’ve had them all. You don’t need to feel guilty. This is just a small, necessary stretch of the journey for every mom.
My Hope for This Space
I really want to share my parenting experiences—not just the warm, glowing moments, but to honestly document the pitfalls I’ve stumbled into, the tears I’ve shed, and the “survival wisdom” I’ve scraped together in utter exhaustion.
The Goal: A Mom’s Toolkit
I hope this blog becomes a “mom’s toolkit,” filled not with vague theories, but with:
- Practical Tips: Like how to quickly figure out why a baby is crying, tried-and-true methods for dealing with clogged ducts, or how to efficiently manage the daily grind with twins (or two under two) solo.
- Pitfall Avoidance Guides: Sharing the baby products I regret buying the most, and those “game-changer” parenting hacks. Letting you know which parenting anxieties you can let go of, and which principles are worth holding onto.
- A Community for Moms: I hope my stories connect me with more moms like you. We can cheer each other on in the comments, share our own tricks, turning the storms we face alone into a journey we walk together.
The Bigger Vision
My previous career taught me to analyze data, solve problems, and optimize processes. Now, I’m applying all those skills to this new “position” of Mom. I want to prove that a mom’s value is absolutely not confined to the home. The mindset, resilience, and creativity we built in our careers can shine just as brightly—perhaps even brighter—in this more complex, long-term “project” of raising humans, and can even be transformed into a force that helps others.
My hope is simple: that every mom who opens this blog can let out a sigh of relief and say, “So it’s not just me.” Then, she can find a bit of practical info, a dose of comforting solidarity, and return to her sweet, chaotic mom-life with a little more confidence and a little less weight on her shoulders.
This road? Let’s walk it together.
chibride4
member
Re: Is Nameism the Newest Prejudice?
I think if anything it will continue going down. Condeleeza Rice and Barack Obama have helped with that, I'm sure.
I do think it's funny that people think because they read 20 pages of Freakonomics and reviewed the SSA name list they are naming experts.
Many of the rich people I know have the most obscure names. Of course they are high-brow obscure, but still.
ETA: Personally I just want a nice sounding, easy to pronounce name that is not too obscure (due to our last name) and not too common (due to having to be First Name Last Initial in school).
Good question, and I am curious to hear responses!
I tend to assume a name was given by the parents, not chosen by the child, so there's some benefit of the doubt that even if the name is horrid, the child is not.
That said, there are certain names that just sound super cute or immature that I think could add to difficulties a person could have if say, they already look or act young for their age. I guess what I am trying to say is, a "bad" name could be an additional negative if other negatives are present too. So, when naming my child, I don't want them to have to prove themselves in spite of a name but would rather the name either be a neutral factor in their life or perhaps even an asset, helping to highlight their best features. 
I can see that. I aready look a lot younger than I actually am (I frequently get judgement for being a teen mom, I'm 23). If I had a cutesy little girl sounding name it would probably be a lot worse.
Here's an article from the NYT about black professionals who have "whitened" their resumes because they were not getting the attention they should have given their credentials. Academic studies using fake resumes with distinctively black or distinctively white names find that there is a difference between the interviews based on the names.
As PP said, another issue is ageism. I have a name that grew in popularity in the 1980s and is very popular now, but was rare pre-1980. Thus, I have a "little girl" name and it does have a negative impact on me professionally. I work in a field dominated by older men, and it is sometimes easier for me to go by initials in written work that needs to be taken seriously.
I don't think nameism is new at all. I think that if you look back in US history, you will find plenty of negative attention given to names that signal that the person is black, an immigrant, or poor. That's one of the main reasons so many immigrants changed their names. Look at 20th century Hollywood ? every actor changed his or her name to be whiter. It's a class issue too ? look at the difference between William Jefferson Clinton, who is comfortable enough in his class position that he can adopt the amiable Bill, in contrast to Johnny Reid Edwards, who knew that Johnny signaled his working class background and changed his name to John for his political career.
Baby Name Popularity by State
So frustrating! And I look young for my age too. I am very grateful my parents gave me a classic name. Just one less thing to deal with.
Nameism, as you call it, is nothing new at all. It's probably been around as long as people have had names.
I don't think a "bad" name is that much of an obstacle, but there could be the potential for making things not-as-easy for a child. It takes just one prejudiced hiring manager to make a snap judgement.
So, why take the chance?
I make the same type of assumptions. If the name doesn't make sense phonetically or is just way too "unique," I tend to assume that the parent wasn't very educated or was very young (and then likely to struggle due to young parenthood). Because SES and education level tend to be transgenerational, I then conclude that the person whose name I'm reading is of that same background. It isn't fair, and I'm often wrong, but that's the prejudice.
BFP #1 9/7/10, EDD 5/14/11, Violet born 5/27/11.
BFP #2 4/9/12, EDD 12/16/12, M/C Rory 4/24/12.
BFP #3 10/6/12, EDD 6/16/12., Matilda born 6/17/13.
I used to work in HR and I will cop to tossing resumes when I couldn't pronounce a name. When such a resume crossed my desk, I would ask a few co-workers to pronounce the name. If nobody could pronounce the name, the resume got tossed. It was for a practical reason, though. I worked for a news dissemination company and employees receive upward of 20 phone calls an hour.. Some stories needed to go out, like, yesterday and our clients did not have time to try to guess the name that corresponded to an editor.
Also, some food for thought, at the same job, my coworker LaToya was from Jamaica. She told me that there is no way that she would get the same interest from an employer that I would. To test it, we found a few job listings in the NYTimes and started calling. She his her Jamaican accent and said that her name was LaToya and asked if the advertised job was still available. She was told no. I called 30 seconds after she hung up. I gave my name and asked of the advertised job was still available. Wouldn't you know, it was.
I don't think so. Prejudice is something that one holds against another, larger group, because of stereotypical beliefs or perhaps a few bad experiences. I think looking at a resume and pausing to br sure that Candy Cane Smith has the best qualifications and personality traits for a CEO of a Fortune 500 company is not prejudice. A bad name can be seen as a resume handicap, but it's not something that can't be overcome. There are no long standing political, theological, economical constructs in place to purposefully demean a group of people and place them at a lower chance of success. Most people have to work extra hard to become CEOs and IMO most people with crappy names don't end up worn the drive, ambition or self-confidence to do so.
My name is Chasity. People get it wrong all the time. I seriously had issues with it growing up and always thought about going by my middle name. Long before I got to the part of life with resumes I had trouble with my name and self-identity.
I think it's easier to find a catchphrase and tell people that Candy Cane Smith will be the joke of the job world than to tell posters that they aren't thinking about how it will most likely affect their child's whole life and self-image. Strippers don't end up strippers because their name was truly do bad no office or retail shop in the world was willing to hire them, it has much more to do with how they perceive themselves.
Shiva is an uncommon name in the US and not one most people would suggest on here, but assume that child is known he is named after a Hindu god, a good strong Indian name, and I bet his confidence will be entirely different from Candy Cane. No one said negative comments about my name but I was acutely aware that it was not like the others, I felt like an outsider just because of how frequently people got my name wrong. Now imagine it for a child where it's pretty clear people are trying not to make a face, laugh or scrunch up their name at Candy Cane. By the time they're picking teams in the school yard I bet she already has started to think she doesn't fit in. And this is assuming a western culture which doesn't place a huge relationship between name and identity.
Just my opinion. It's less likely to be prejudice and more likely to be that Candy Cane just doesn't even apply for the job or remotely meet the qualifications. I really don't believe most employers would scratch off a stellar applicant due to the name.
I worked for a very small company so I was very involved in the hiring process. When first receiving resumes I would throw out the ones with errors, etc. but not because of a person's name.
I will admit that the names did influence to some extent how I ranked them. I'm going to have to work with this person and hear/say their name a lot. I'd prefer to not work with a cutesy named person because I will assume that if her parents gave her a cutesy name, then they also treated her like a princess. I want to work with someone who is smart and will project that. Also I worked in a male dominated field so I want to make sure it is a woman who can hold her own (and not embarrass me by being helpless.)
All our finalists would be based upon merit, but if someone had a great name then that would certainly influence how they would be my favorite pic. For example one woman had a name similar to Aaron Burr, which reminded me of that milk commercial. She was the best qualified, but the idea of being able to say "Aaron Burr" all the time was also appealing.
Another time the final two candidates had similar qualifications, but the one I preferred, for various reasons, also had a plant name like me as opposed to a very popular 80s name. In the end she was the one we chose to hire.
I'm in HR and source resumes and applications all day. I definitely don't discount people based on their names but I come across some pretty terrible ones often. I look at job history, qualifications, etc first and the name last, once I call to screen them. When I notice that the names are u-neek, terrible, hard to pronounce, I'll "judge" their parents and just feel bad they got stuck with that name. I'll call anyone who's qualified for my jobs, regardless of name, race, ethnicity, sex, age, etc...
That being said- when naming MY children, I took into consideration what their names will look like on resumes and wish others would do the same. You definitely get an "impression" of what you THINK the person will be like from seeing the name. I'm not saying that's right (and my impressions are often incorrect) but it happens.
I think it's probably very easy to do this without realizing you are doing it. Unfortunately, we are judgmental creatures. I consider myself to be very polite, and I always try not to judge a book by its cover, but I'll admit I've done it. We got a resume once for a girl named Bambi. I automatically assumed she was some bimbo and maybe I was even more likely to look for grammatical or spelling errors. Well she did get that job and she is most certainly NOT a bimbo, and I felt really bad when I realized that I had jumped to conclusions. So, yes, I think it's possible that those with certain names are going to get studied more.
However, I'll admit that my first thought is often "what where her parents thinking" and not necessarily against the individual. That being said, I did spend some time thinking about my future daughter's name and how it would look on a resume and how it would fit a woman in her 30s, 40s, etc.
I'm sorry if this offends anyone, but I think this is a great question and I'm trying to give the most honest answer that I can.
For me, how seriously a person will be taken is not really the issue--everyone knows that almost no one chose their legal name themselves; it's not their fault if it's crazy.
I would think the main concern would be mispronunciations, misspellings, and funny looks or "How'd your parents come up with that?" questions and comments a million times in the child's life. That, I think, would prove more of a disruption to a person's life than the off-chance of one recruiter saying "No employee of mine will be named Mick'aynziee!!"
Great question & I love this discussion.
Another twist on it ladies.....let's go back in time to pre-SO, BFP, etc, etc and a friend calls you up and says "Hey, I know this guy, you should meet him, yadda yadda."
You- "What's he look like & what's his name?"
Friend- "Oh, he's super hot, you would look so good together!" "Um, his name is Fabio...."
You- "Hahahaha!!! Seriously, what's his name...."
WDYT?
It definitely happens.
There was even a poster here on BN a few weeks ago who is in charge of hiring at her job, she specifically said she puts the "trendy/stupid" named applications off to the side and goes through them (the "dregs" she called them) if she didn't find a worthy applicant among the "normal named" applicants.
I read the post from May, and I agree there's a difference between trendy, unusual cultural names we're not used to hearing/can't pronounce, and whacked out names like Lemoncello. While I'm not aboard the -ayden train, I just can't wrap my head around naming a kid Lemoncello or Koolaid or Zuma! If I was that child, I'd change my name as soon as legally possible.
With how kids can be growing up, I can't help but think that years of torment over a name like Princess Leia would break a child's self esteem down and could result in that child not realizing their potential due to all of that badgering. I also wonder how an educated adult on an upward career path would not see that their name could be a hindrance, and wouldn't make that change before their career kicks off. I struggle with taking an adult named Snow Bunny or Mack Daddy as a serious person.
It’s not that I don’t like you, it’s that I don’t know you. Stranger Danger.