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June 2012 Moms
schup156
member
Unrealistic Expectations
schup156
member
So I am a FTM and have decided to go into labor with the plan of having a natural delivery. I really don't have any specific reason for not wanting the epidural, I just figure why say for sure I want something that I don't know whether or not I'll need. I'm the first to admit that I could have 1 contraction and change my mind, but is it really so bad that I don't want to make that decision until I'm actually in labor? I realize that I'd need to make the decision at some point during labor or I won't have the option anymore, but I just don't think I need to make a final decision until I know how I'm going to handle the pain.
Of course hubby is being supportive but has made joking comments like "oh you're definitely going to need an epidural" and so have other family members. Am I really that unrealistic for trying to have a natural delivery??
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Re: Unrealistic Expectations
You are not being unrealistic about wanting a nat'l delivery, BUT you in my experience you arent going to have a natural birth if you dont have support, and if you dont go in really wanting one and having done your research.
With my first I said the same as you, and got a snowball birth. It involved pitocin, my water being broken, wanting the epi bc of the pitocin, laying on my back for 12 hours and then pushing for 2 hours (epi wore off by then) a vacuum delivery and had to be cut...which resulted in DS having a huge bruise on his head which caused jaundice and BFing issues that lasted weeks until we got through it.
With DD I wasnt trying for a natural birth but wanted to avoid certain interventions. I went into labor again on my own, but my doc wanted to put me on pit immediately, I said no. she broke my water and I walked for a few hours, avoided pit for a while got an epi after 1 hour of pitocin--PAINFUL. I got the epi and a few hours later I was 10cm and pushed 5 times and she was out, no tears, cuts nada. I walked around more before so she was in position and came out much easier than DS.
THIS time I am going natural. I have the support--DH, Doula, friends and I know I do not want Pit at all. I am realistic, but I also have the benefit of knowing my body can birth a baby easily incomparison to my first birth. I have nothing against the epi, but want to try it without. I also want no pit. I will go naturally, no interventions.
I hope you get what you want, but before that I think you need to really figure out what it is you want for sure.
I think your attitude is the best one to have: cross that bridge when you come to it.
I had a med-free birth with DD and I felt that the use of a labor tub was essential in my ability to do so, so you may want to find out what options your hospital offers to help with natural pain management. Take advantage of whatever they can offer you.
I honestly believe that in my case, it was mind over matter... before my mom arrived, I was really nervous, didn't feel I could do it, DH didn't know what to say, I was scared, etc. and the pain was incredible. Then my mom arrived, and she offered a very gentle and serene approach to labor coaching and also kept telling me I *could* do it. That's when things took a turn for the better and I was able to believe in my own ability to do it without the meds. I'm not saying everyone will have this experience, but it was mine.
Best wishes to you in L&D!
I would agree with this. It's definitely possible to have a natural birth, but it's something you need to be hell bent on achieving. I'd relate it to running a marathon. Sure, you can go in with an attitude of "let's see if I get to the finish." But, if you actually want to run 26 miles, you need to prepare. If you approach it with a "maybe" attitude, I'd say it's very likely you'll end up with the epidural.
Not saying that's bad. I got one with DD and plan to get one with #2. But to answer your first question - YES it is that painful. I've heard very few birth stories where the Mom said that it wasn't as bad as she thought it would be.
I agree with the others that support is essential. I would start with your DH. He may be joking now, but when the time comes, you're going to need him to be an absolute rock about getting through labor naturally.
I had the same attitude as you with my first. I figured, sure I'm going to attempt natural but let's just see how it goes. I did manage to avoid the epidural, but that's only because by the time I finally started asking for it I wasn't able to keep still long enough for them to put it in.I ended up with a shot of demerol instead (evil stuff!), which didn't diminish the pain AT ALL but still made me vomit and totally stoned out of my mind. I still ended up spending the last several hours in bed on my back because of the demerol, had to be cut and delivered DD via forceps with only a local. Not fun.
This time around, I know exactly what I want/don't want and have prepared DH ahead of time on how he can help and support me. We're both much more confident this time because we're better prepared. Good luck!
As long as you go into it with an open mind, you'll be fine. It's okay to have a labour plan, but as long as you understand that plans can and often do change you'll be fine.
I wanted a natural med free delivery too. I didn't get an epidural, but did have a shot of demrol and used the laughing gas. It all ended with a emerg c/s under general anaesthesia which was the furthest thing from my plan.
This time? I'm hoping for a med free VBAC. It may or may not happen, and I'm okay with that.
GL!
Thank you so much for sharing your story- it has really helped both DH and I to read a real story to see the path of intervention and your comparative experiences. I would like to go natural if possible and this and all the other comments have really helped.
I agree with this a lot! Most of the birth stories I read on here or hear in real life, where the woman has a "we'll see" type of attitude, she more often than not ends up with the epidural. And most of the time the woman is happy with the decision she made in the moment, and that's fine. I do have a couple of friends who aren't passionate about natural birth but ended up having one just b/c they didn't feel the need for an epi (or things went too fast), so of course it can happen.
But I do agree that if you really really want a med-free birth, it can take a lot of preparation. You need proper support, you need to know what you want (or don't) and why, you should surround yourself with positive thoughts about birthing and positive birth stories/experiences, and and you need to educate yourself. I don't think the above posters analogy of preparing for a marathon is too far out to lunch for most women who want, and strive for, a med free birth.
Good luck whatever you decide or whatever happens! But I can tell you, as someone who's had 2 med-free births and is prepping for a 3rd, as hard, exhausting, and painful as it is, it is so worth it!
You're welcome
I would also say you should talk to the ladies on the natural birth page, or just lurk there. Watch the business of being born (netflix), or More business of being born (online). Do some research on pitocin and talk to you OB about interventions, and how supportive they are.