How much do you say at work?

CageyMack · May 2012

Hi!

I'm wondering when or if or how much I should say to my boss. We are just starting down this baby-making road, and I really feel like it is none of their business, since it is my sick leave and all that, but I also want to engender a little support so that I can call upon it if something should come up.

What have you all done? What were the pros and the cons of telling or not telling that you were TTC?

TIA!

Cagey

mattea1986 · May 2012

I didn't tell people when I was just TTC because I didn't need to. However, now that we are starting IUI in the fall, I did have to tell my boss because it meant testing in the morning and then up and leaving halfway through the day two days in a row to get the IUI done, and I wouldn't be able to specify which day, which was only a consideration to them. Other wise I wouldn't have told them. Just to let you know too, I noticed you already have a 9 year old daughter in your siggy...there is a board for women who are dealing with secondary IF (already have children) that you might consider as well... this board is usually for women who are still trying for their first child. Good luck

mnj05 · May 2012

I told my boss pretty much everything about a month and a half ago. He knows we are doing IVF and that I have appointments I have to go to at a certain time/day. I'm a teacher and we have 8 class days left, so it's not too big a deal right now. He was very understanding and so far, I haven't had any drawbacks to my decision.

I am a very open person to begin with, so take this with a grain of salt. Do what's right for you, let how ever big or small chunks of this out as you feel is necessary and are comfortable with.

purpleyes1081 · May 2012

My Job doesn't know at all. I apart told them but they are pretty flexible withy schedule

thecuddleeffect · May 2012

My boss went through 5 years of IF so I confide in her, and she totally understands. (Her last try IVF was her bfp).

I told some other people that I work with, they think I shouldn't be trying to have a baby because I am "too young" so now I limit what I tell them.

zazu13 · May 2012

I told my boss everything and was glad I did. He was very understanding and since i have been an emotional wreck with my 2 failed cycles, he has been able to sense when I needed some time off. I have spared him the details, but basically told him it didn't work and that I would be trying again at some point and need more time off for appointments. He suggested I take even more time to grieve, but I explained that since i'm self pay and don't get sick or paid vacation at work I would prefer to limit my time off to just when I need it. Good luck!

Ms H13 · May 2012

I have 2 girlfriends at work who know and who have been incredibly helpful - when I had to cut back on caffeine for IVF, one of them even did it with me to support me! But I am friends with them outside of work, so it just made sense to tell them.

My boss doesn't know anything. He is a good boss and I'm sure he would be understanding, but I just don't want to share. So far it has not been an issue - my clinic has monitoring appointments early in the morning so I can get in to work on time, and I also have the benefit of having very flexible hours.

tombomb84 · May 2012

At first I didn't tell anyone at work. After 5 months of constantly coming in to work late and having to make up excuses, I finally just told my client's teacher (I work with autistic kids). Honestly, I was afraid I would get fired for having to change my schedule so frequently and last minute. She has been really supportive over the last 6 months and I am glad I told her.

I think it really depends on your boss, your relationship with him/her and how willing you are to field questions that they might ask you when they know you had appts, etc.

Whales124 · May 2012

My husband and I both teach at the same school so I felt we had to tell our principal. She has been great about it. She works with my appts so that I don't have to take the whole day off and she has been really good about letting me leave early on the "bad days". I'm really happy I told her and it took a lot of stress out of the situation.

jessi1988 · May 2012

When we were only TTC I didn't tell anyone, even when we started going to the RE we were still in hiding. Once we got a diagnosis I told my family, and then had a meeting with my boss to explain my situation, to date it's my biggest regret in our IF journey. I got zero suppport and was actually told that IF treatments are elective and therefore not grounds to be absent from work... Yep, my boss is a real piece of work!

dalmatinka77 · May 2012

i told me boss SOME stuff due to the fact that she'll need to know why i'm taking off or coming into work late so often. plus she had done some ivf treatments in the past and could relate

only 2 coworkers know my situation in full - they've become like family to me and have shed more than a few tears for me and DH

some other coworkers know that i cannot conceive naturally but that's been more of a conversation about DH's cancer battle than our IVF battle

ChrisH22 · May 2012

We got a testicular cancer scare whenever DH went for his semen analysis at the urologist and it was like the same day I had a meeting with my boss. She asked how he was and I started crying! Embarrassing yes, but I ended up telling her about our troubles and turns out she had trouble conceiving and had her twin daughters through help at the RE. When I started my medicated cycles and knew I'd need monitoring I just said we were starting treatments and I would be out some. She's been very understanding and a great source of support. I've told one coworker because we're pretty close but anyone else I just say I have something to take care of.

lovekatespade · May 2012

jessi1988:
When we were only TTC I didn't tell anyone, even when we started going to the RE we were still in hiding. Once we got a diagnosis I told my family, and then had a meeting with my boss to explain my situation, to date it's my biggest regret in our IF journey. I got zero suppport and was actually told that IF treatments are elective and therefore not grounds to be absent from work... Yep, my boss is a real piece of work!

I want to punch your boss in the face.

AngnShaun · May 2012

i work 9-5 and definitely need to take time for appts ... my boss is amazing and knows all about my losses so i told him we were starting IVF and he said ok just let me know as soon as you can when your appts are... that was it.

lovekatespade · May 2012

I've told my boss everything, but we are also very close friends and he went through IVF for both of his kids. I've opened up to some of the people I work with as well, and some clients, which happened because I stupidly tried to go to work after our depressing WTF appointment and couldn't keep my shiit together. I'm pretty open in general about IF and have found that 99% of the time people respond in an appropriate way and are supportive.

arbutusbride · May 2012

When we were first starting with RE, I told my boss since I would have to be late or need my schedule to be flexible. He and his wife had secondary IF so he was super supportive. Even if he wasn't, his wife would have made him! When he was transferred, I told my next boss why I was taking a LOA and he said he understood and that his wife was 2 weeks late with her period (not what I wanted to hear). Right before I was to take my leave, I got transferred to another restaurant and had to tell my boss. I waited a while until I was transitioned to let him know. He felt so bad because he had asked me a couple times when we were going to start a family. He had lots of questions about the procedure and was super encouraging. I swore them to secrecy and I believe they stuck to it.

iguana33 · May 2012

I am not comfortable telling my boss. I am sure he would be supportive, but I don't want to go there for several reasons. So, when I was going through IVF #1, I approached him and just told him that I was currently going through some medical treatments. I told him that they weren't serious, but they require frequent monitoring appointments that might make me late, and there would be a few procedures that would require me to miss a couple of days of work with little notice.

I think I actually read that advice on this board. So far that has worked for me. It does still stress me out a little. Maybe I have given him enough that he can guess, which is fine with me. I missed 2 days last month for a hysteroscopy, and at that time I said I was anticipating additional procedures in June.

Ironmom2be · May 2012

I say nothing. I don't like people knowing my business. I can get to monitoring before work and appointments I leave and come back without being questioned. I'll call in sick for my ER. No one will know anything. I'm just not comfortable telling them.

arbutusbride · May 2012

jessi1988:
When we were only TTC I didn't tell anyone, even when we started going to the RE we were still in hiding. Once we got a diagnosis I told my family, and then had a meeting with my boss to explain my situation, to date it's my biggest regret in our IF journey. I got zero suppport and was actually told that IF treatments are elective and therefore not grounds to be absent from work... Yep, my boss is a real piece of work!

What a douche!

mrskitton · May 2012

I told my supervisor everything. She was understanding and supportive when it came down to my coming and going for all the upcoming appointments I will be having.

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