this may be too early to be worrying about this...

MommyLuvsMe1210 · May 2012

I've been doing my research for my "birth plan". I fell in love with a birthing center in my area, but everyone else thinks this is a bad idea.

Originally, my plan had always been to find a hospital that would allow me to keep baby in the room with me if there were no medical reason for him/her to be in the nursery. There's a whole long story that plays in the back of my head about MY time of birth that I would very much like to avoid with my own baby.

But then I found the Women's Health & Birth Center. This place allows me to pick my environment (bedroom settings, bathtub/bin, "zen" room, etc.) and I get to go home 6 hours later (which would be perfect since I'm due around Thanksgiving, and would much rather be at home with the people I love).

At the same time, though, I can see their concern. IF there are complications, I would need to be rushed to the hospital... and the risk of getting the care I need in a timely matter hangs in the balance. An argument my boyfriend's parent's made was that they're uncomfortable with me having the baby in an environment that sends you home 6 hours after birth. Also, everyone seems to think the baby would be "better analyzed" post-labor for anything that may be wrong. I see the point in this BUT, I've done my thorough research on this facility and they have never had any problems.

I know I'M the mother, and ultimately it's MY decision, but my boyfriend is standing his ground on this one. He's been extremely supportive about everything else, and as the father I really do value his feelings on this. How should I go about making my decision about this? Any advice?

dosafyre · May 2012

The birth center sounds wonderful...and being able to go home 6hours after sounds perfect! Personally...if you are not a high risk pregnancy there is very little chance you would need anything above and beyond what the Birth Center is already set up to handle anyways. I wonder if there is a way you guys can talk through "what ifs" with the Birth Center to see how they'd handle different situations, to make your BF feel better?

In extreme cases, even here in Seattle, most of the hospitals would be stabilizing and sending you to one of only a couple NICU specialty hospitals...so really, it's not much different than a birth center imo.

caralck · May 2012

you could point out that in most European countries, women birth at home or at hospitals/birth centers that also send moms and babies home soon after birth. Usually with these types of set ups in the US, the midwife or doctor will visit mom and baby the next day at home. Is that the case for the center you found? The hospital birth center I'll be at does rooming in as the standard (I think some hospitals now charge if you keep your baby in the nursery longer than a short nap). In a completely healthy birth/postpartum course, the baby isn't hooked up to anything and sometimes if mom and baby are both asleep, they won't bother doing their vitals until they wake up. I don't even know if they take vitals more than every 12-24 hrs now if everything is normal(I work there...you would think I could remember how often the vitals are reported in the charts).

KateLouise · May 2012

Your in-laws opnions are irrelevant. However, I can understand your BFs concern, and whilst ultimately it's your call, it will be easier if he's on board.

Have you talked through exactly what he's worried about? I like pp suggestion of talking through with the birth centre how various situations are handled.

Honestly going home 6 hrs after giving birth sounds awful to me, but I had the option of staying 2 nights in a birthing centre with a private room, a double bed for me and DH, fantastic food, and midwives oncall around the clock...so that was a lovely option.

And no I don't think it's too early to be thinking these things through because often it takes people time to mull through options and to come around to a different option than they'd initially thought of.

Nechie122 · May 2012

Just like in a hospital, your baby's pediatrician will examine him or her shortly after birth. S/he won't be "better analyzed" at any point just because you're in a hospital.

And six hours is plenty of time to recuperate after a natural birth. Remember: you've just given birth without any intervention whatsoever so you don't need to wait for epidurals to wear off or IVs to be removed. I gave birth and the first thing I did was get out of bed and get changed, then I used the bathroom by myself. I felt great.

FyreFlyeRush · May 2012

Honestly, it's not his choice. I know that sounds callous, but it's not. And, it's CERTAINLY not his parents' choice. If you feel a birth center is what is best for you, then that's what you need to do. If I weren't high risk, I'd probably have gone for a BC over a hospital. The BC is more than prepared to handle issues that come up. IE, they'll take no chances and get you and baby to the hospital ASAP if need be. Talk to the BC, research it, look up reviews, and take your BF with you.

HSartteach · May 2012

I gave birth to my DD at a birth center that "sent" us home about 7 hours after giving birth. It was no big deal. They "monitored" DD while I was there, but she was with me the entire time--meaning I held her or DH held her until they took her to weigh and measure her.

It was totally fine. We went home. I got to sleep in my own house with my own things...I slept on the fold out couch so I wouldn't have to go upstairs to my bed. I was given a chart to fill out to monitor baby--temp, pee, poo, feeding, etc. The midwife came by at 3 days pp to check on me and the baby and to do the first foot prick test.

I was on such a natural high for 3 days that staying in hospital would have sucked. I hated staying in the hospital after DS was born. I liked being home. I would keep talking with your DH about it and ask him what his fears are. Do some internet research about it and show that to him.

MommyLuvsMe1210 · May 2012

Thank you all for the input. I feel a lot better about this. I felt like I was being a brat.

judahsmommy1 · May 2012

FyreFlyeRush:
Honestly, it's not his choice. I know that sounds callous, but it's not. And, it's CERTAINLY not his parents' choice.

I definitely agree that it is NOT his parent's choice. I'm a little more hesitant to say that he should have no input. We aren't just talking about who is going to be caring for the mother, we are talking about who is going to be caring for the child as well - and that means that the father SHOULD have input (although not necessarily the final say.) I think that the idea that "it's not his choice" starts things off by being disrespectful of this father's position in his child's life. While it is obviously NOT his choice if she gets an epidural etc... talking about what safety equipment is available at his child's birth is something very valid for him to be concerned about!

I agree that talking about how common home births and birthing center births are in other highly developed countries (many with significantly lower maternal/fetal death rates than the U.S.) might be very helpful for you bf. Also a discussion with the birth center about how they handle complications and at what point they will transfer you might also reassure him.

MommyLuvsMe1210 · May 2012

judahsmommy1:
FyreFlyeRush:
Honestly, it's not his choice. I know that sounds callous, but it's not. And, it's CERTAINLY not his parents' choice.
I definitely agree that it is NOT his parent's choice. I'm a little more hesitant to say that he should have no input. We aren't just talking about who is going to be caring for the mother, we are talking about who is going to be caring for the child as well - and that means that the father SHOULD have input (although not necessarily the final say.) I think that the idea that "it's not his choice" starts things off by being disrespectful of this father's position in his child's life. While it is obviously NOT his choice if she gets an epidural etc... talking about what safety equipment is available at his child's birth is something very valid for him to be concerned about!
I agree that talking about how common home births and birthing center births are in other highly developed countries (many with significantly lower maternal/fetal death rates than the U.S.) might be very helpful for you bf. Also a discussion with the birth center about how they handle complications and at what point they will transfer you might also reassure him.

Yes

alandals · May 2012

You are giving birth. I understand valuing his feelings, but ultimately it's your decision.

Bonidiebabe · May 2012

I'll just tell you a Little about my experience with things. I really wanted to switch our care from ob's to mw's that deliver at a birthing center. DH was not thrilled. He thought the same thing about in case of an emergency type stuff. I got him on board by taking him and my mom to an orientation at the center. After seeing how conservative they are I think it settled his fears. Plus my mom saying that she wish she had an opportunity like that really opened his eyes to the fact that it wasn't just ok it was a great opportunity.

Well, I did end up having to go to the hospital. I tore very badly and the repair could not be done at the center. I was transferred by ambulance (policy) and had to have a spinal block for the repair. It is what it is. I would not change a thing about having my med-free birth at the center. I loved the experience and would do it again in a heart beat.

pixieprincss · May 2012

It is definitely not too early. If you go the birth center route, they likely have a maximum number of patients they take in a given month. In my area, these spots go FAST.

As for deciding, I would meet with the various practices that you are considering with your BF and let him ask as many questions as he'd like. Between hearing what they have to say and seeing the different environments and how you are treated as a patient it will give you some tangible things to weigh together versus assumptions and ideals on both sides.

As for going home soon after the birth, we will be doing that and I have no qualms. For one, only low-risk moms and babies are candidates for non-hospital births. Midwives protect the integrity of their livelihoods through extreme caution. Additionally, at the BC we'll be at, they teach dad ahead of time what to monitor baby and mom for, plus they do a home visit a few days after the birth, and we'll probably do a doctor's visit with baby's doctor in his office. If baby or I were to not be well in the hours after the birth, they would send us to get care at a hospital, not send us home. Personally, I look VERY forward to not being poked and prodded and awoken at all hours of the night by the hard-working, well-meaning nurses who have to do their jobs even if it means waking baby or I. Also, I look forward to getting food whenever I want versus the hospital meal hours, sleeping in my own bed, no one telling me what I should or shouldn't be doing with baby, etc.

MommyLuvsMe1210 · May 2012

you all have made very good points. we had a long talk tonight (i used some of your words and suggestions!) and he seems to be more okay about it. we will still be going in to interview with them in the upcoming months (they don't admit anyone under 24 weeks) so let's keep our fingers crossed this will go well!!

thank you all for your advice and support

mom2be0912 · May 2012

GL to you! I will say that my H was the one more into the BC idea than I was initially just because I had some similar fears to your BF and his parents, however once I interviewed the MW and toured the BC and asked all of my burning questions, I was SO put at ease and realized I really had nothing to worry about. I was also more freaked out about delivering at a hospital at that point! But my MW is very conservative in that she said if there is ANY reason we need to go to the hospital, she is sending us immediately and in all of her decades of doing this, there has not been a single baby or mother hurt or damaged due to lack of response time/delay which I was so initially worried about.

mandilouwho · May 2012

We already have taken the birthing center tour because this idea was always in the back of my head. DH was extremely concerned and asked lots of what if what if what if questions. They were extremely great and answered them all. To birth there you have to be low risk and have to attend an orientation plus a series of 6 classes over 6 weeks, One class is exclusively on emergency s. After the tour DH told me how much he liked it and how he thinks it will be a good place. Now we'll have to see if baby cooperates and is low risk

drpayne · May 2012

First of all , as PP said, it's YOUR decision and you really don't have to justify it to anyone. Also, statistics are on your side. Most people who attempt a BC birth do so with no issues. In the event that you do need to be transferred, the odds of needing to be "rushed" to the hospital are very, very low. I had to be transferred (failure to progress after 5 hours of pushing) but we didn't need an ambulance. FWIW, I still plan to have the next one in a BC. Don't get me wrong, the folks at the hospital were great but there was something really awesome about the BC environment. Good luck!!

Want a personalized experience?

this may be too early to be worrying about this...

Re: this may be too early to be worrying about this...

Choose Another Board

Search Boards