Am I right to be mad (regarding DS1)?...

beeunit · May 2012

Last weekend MIL said she wanted to take Aaron to some shoe store to get him fitted for "walking shoes" and to buy them. I told her socks and bare feet are best for babies learning to walk. I just called H and asked him what he's doing...he's at the store with MIL getting those shoes. I already explained this to her. She is constantly overstepping her boundaries and I'm done with it. I'm so pissssssed.

KiraH28 · May 2012

I'd be mad. This is something my mother in law would do.

beeunit · May 2012

KiraH28:
I'd be mad. This is something my mother in law would do.

Even if she insisted and said she wanted to buy them, she should have waited until I could go and help pick them out at the VERY least. Now he's going to come home with some stupid looking pair of shoes that I don't want him to wear, because SHE had total control over them.

lclaws13 · May 2012

I would be livid, but I'd also be passive agressive about it. I'd tell her that it was so nice of her, but she could keep them at her house because he won't be wearing them in yours.

KiraH28 · May 2012

lclaws13:
I would be livid, but I'd also be passive agressive about it. I'd tell her that it was so nice of her, but she could keep them at her house because he won't be wearing them in yours.

Bahahaha. This.

blowfish11 · May 2012

I can see why you're upset. Does he spend a great deal of time at her house? If he's mostly with you, you can just accept the shoes, put them away and not make him wear them.

JenniatONU · May 2012

I'd be pissed too.

My MIL over steps all the time, and Dh doesn't see it. She keeps offering to come stay with us to help with the baby, but we have to get rid of our cat! (She won't even come visit us because of our cat, and has tried several times for us to get rid of him. Hell no.)

When we first told her we were pregnant, (5wks) she IMMEDIATELY in front of us texted all of her friends. Well, thanks, now all those people know we had a vanishing twin. I hate MIL's.

Structenggal · May 2012

On the other hand, kid shoes are expensive. you don't have to make him wear them, but if you ever want to, you have them and they didn't cost you anything.

beeunit · May 2012

Structenggal:
On the other hand, kid shoes are expensive. you don't have to make him wear them, but if you ever want to, you have them and they didn't cost you anything.

This is true. I just feel like it was done behind my back after I told her it wasn't needed. H told her the same thing last weekend, then went parading around with her to buy them. I went off on him, and I could tell he was trying to not say anything because she was standing there.

+SMACE+ · May 2012

I don't know the relationship between you and your MIL but this wouldnt upset me in the slightest. It's shoes, not a tattoo.

+SMACE+ · May 2012

Also my son wore shoes at that age when we went to the mall and the park. Bare feet are not a good choice at those places.

blowfish11 · May 2012

+SMACE+:
Also my son wore shoes at that age when we went to the mall and the park. Bare feet are not a good choice at those places.

This. I wouldn't really be upset about my MIL buying my kid shoes. I'd be irritated about my toes being stepped on... But I also choose my battles with that woman. HA.

+SMACE+ · May 2012

I know for my mom, she was super exited to by DS his first pair of shoes when he started walking. It's an amazing milestone and the grandparents love to buy shoes. I think they reminisce about when THEIR babies needed shoes and started walking.

I think you're being a bit sensitive. And while, yes, learning to walk is best barefoot, his progress won't be hindered by wearing a pair of shoes every now and again. I assume your mil is coming from a place of excitement. DS learned very quick how to walk. We needed those shoes bc he refused to sit in a stroller even though I thought they were a waste at the time.

This is surely not a hill I'd die on. Not even worth being annoyed.

+Jasha+ · May 2012

blowfish11:
I can see why you're upset. Does he spend a great deal of time at her house? If he's mostly with you, you can just accept the shoes, put them away and not make him wear them.

The bolded part. I wouldn't put DS in them at all. You already had the conversation with her (and I assume your DH) and they chose to spend the money anyways. Too bad if they sit in the closet and never get worn. If MIL asks where they are you can simply repeat your previous conversation "at this age it is best for babies to be barefoot" and leave it at that.
Then again I don't have a MIL to deal with (SOs mom passed away about a year before we got pregnant with DS), and his dad and step mom live 12 hrs away and has no interest in any person who isn't capable of holding down a conversation.

+SMACE+ · May 2012

beeunit:
Structenggal:
On the other hand, kid shoes are expensive. you don't have to make him wear them, but if you ever want to, you have them and they didn't cost you anything.

This is true. I just feel like it was done behind my back after I told her it wasn't needed. H told her the same thing last weekend, then went parading around with her to buy them. I went off on him, and I could tell he was trying to not say anything because she was standing there.

I don't think he went parading around. He is probably caught between a rock and a hard place. It's simple, you don't like the shoes, put 'Em in the closet. Though if your son is anything like mine, you'll need them quicker than you think.

candr09 · May 2012

Totally something my MIL would do and I would be annoyed too. Stuff from my MIL usually ends up being donated or tossed in the back of the closet and "forgot about" until it doesn't fit anymore.

When you are ready for DS to wear shoes go pick and buy a pair yourself and if you are ever questioned on it just say that you got him a pair too and they fit him better or he likes them better or the match his outfit better or whatever.

RissKay · May 2012

I do not blame you at ALL. I would be SO pissed at the overstepping her bounds and doing something you asked her not to. My MIL is the same exact way. COMPLETELY. l

All I would say is to pick your battles with her. If you feel as though this is going to start her spiral downward to overstepping bounds, by all means, say something. Good luck, girl. I hope it all works out, even if the shoes simply end up in a box in the attic labeled "first shoes."

beeunit · May 2012

+SMACE+:
Also my son wore shoes at that age when we went to the mall and the park. Bare feet are not a good choice at those places.

He has shoes that we put him in at the mall/park/wherever. He is a new walker, and doesn't walk around the mall or the park. Only in our house or in the yard. If he is in the yard, he is barefoot in the grass.

denise_m · May 2012

I would be pissed. Just as mad at DH as with MIL though.

I honestly wouldn't pick this battle though. So what, she buys him some shoes, you don't have to put them on him. He doesn't have to wear them.

I'll also just throw this out there, we did the socks and barefoot for dd2 and she was learning to walk. She's 18 months now and WOULD NOT wear shoes, she would throw herself on the ground if we tried to make her wear them. It took a weekend of forcing her to wear shoes around the clock for her to start wearing them outside. So, worse case scenario, you could put them on him for an hour a day so he gets used to them.

beeunit · May 2012

+SMACE+:
beeunit:
Structenggal:
On the other hand, kid shoes are expensive. you don't have to make him wear them, but if you ever want to, you have them and they didn't cost you anything.

This is true. I just feel like it was done behind my back after I told her it wasn't needed. H told her the same thing last weekend, then went parading around with her to buy them. I went off on him, and I could tell he was trying to not say anything because she was standing there.
I don't think he went parading around. He is probably caught between a rock and a hard place. It's simple, you don't like the shoes, put 'Em in the closet. Though if your son is anything like mine, you'll need them quicker than you think.

It's not that I don't think he needs them. He already has shoes, for one. It's that she kept hounding on me to get him these special walking shoes that I told her weren't necessary. Then she called my husband while I was working and said "Let's go get them now". I feel like it was done behind my back. If she said "I know you think they aren't needed, but your H had some and I want to get them for Aaron" that would be one thing. But I said no, she never mentioned it again, and then shows up when I'm at work to take him. I just feel like it's something I should have been at as well, regardless of whether or not I agree with him needing them.

missusmeeseeks · May 2012

I would be mad too. She deliberately went against your wishes and it's unacceptable.

kerribear1717 · May 2012

Maybe she asked your H and he thought it was a great idea? Bare feet is best but I'd also want a pair of nice beginner shoes especially for when my kid was out of the house. I got DS a pair of stride-rites and they were not cheap but they were highly recommended and great for beginning walkers. I agree she shouldn't have gone behind your back. But I would've been grateful for family to buy expensive/good stuff like that, that they grow out of so quickly.

operilman · May 2012

You just described my MIL. Exactly. She is this way with my BIL and SIL and my nephew. I keep saying she is in for a RUDE awakening once this baby is born. Thank god she lives across the country.

LLK122207 · May 2012

That's how my mom is.. I'm sorry I know it's frustrating! Try to not let it upset you too much but still say your peace. I had to put my mom in her place a few times that this was not her child and her hounding was not helpful. I would ask hubby to back you up in this conversation with her! GL!

cassoppea · May 2012

Let her waste her money on the shoes. He doesn't have to wear them. It's her problem that she didn't listen to you.

Brie2006 · May 2012

You people are insane. She wanted to do a nice thing and buy her grandson shoes. You made it a thing by being all "there will be NO SHOES on my baby".

Give her the small pleasure of buying her grandson shoes and say thank you. If you don't like the shoes don't use them. The end.

Also, if your H wants to go shopping with his kid and mom for a pair of shoes that aren't hurting anyone then LET HIM. Jeebus.

ETA: Can you imagine YH telling you that you aren't allowed to go shoe shopping with your mom and son? I doubt it - because it is RIDICULOUS.

jeanbean13 · May 2012

I'd be mad too. Your MIL was disrespectful to ignore your wises. However, I'd be cautious to let the incident to turn into a big fight. She probably thinks that she's doing a really good thing. I don't know your relationship with her, but I doubt she was being malicious. Also, like others have said, your son doesn't have to wear the shoes.

klondikebar · May 2012

1. Untie laces

2. Place in closet

3. Wash sand out of vagina

You chicks are in for a rough time if you are going to get that pissed over an article of clothing. It's not like MIl went out and bought him a puppy behind your back.

sourpatchkids · May 2012

I do agree with the last few posters and I honestly think you need to take a step back, relax and re-think about the situation. I'm not trying to be rude, I just don't feel that it's the end of the world because your LO's grandmother wanted to buy her grandson shoes and did, even though you told her they weren't necessary. It was a nice gesture on her part, whether you want him to wear them or not, and whether you think they are ugly or not, you don't have to have him wear them. Did they go to Stride rite? She easily spent at the very least $40 today, how can you be angry about that? There are worse MILs out there, you should be grateful that this is her worst "offense"!

kategw · May 2012

Unless she got a pic of the shoes tattooed on him, I think this is a tremendous overreaction. What nerve she had buying a gift for her grandson!

+SMACE+ · May 2012

FIRST WORLD PROBLEMS!!!!!

Lol. I just have to laugh bc it's ridiculous to be mad over this. Your life will be very trying if you over react over every little perceived slight.

And, you're kinda crying wolf right now. Lets say your MIL over steps her bounds in a way that actually matters, you're gonna have a lot less credibility and people will roll their eyes. I've seen this happen.

Just. Chill. Out.

Itll be ok. The big bad shoes won't hurt you.

Ciconrad · May 2012

I honestly get being annoyed if she's constantly doing stuff like that. But the people who are saying they would be soooo pissed and livid are beyond ridiculous. It's shoes, people!

And your husband is with her so maybe he's ok with them or helping her pick out something he likes. God forbid he gets a say in a simple parenting decision like shoes.

JLSmith124 · May 2012

I can see where you are coming from. It's not necessarily the specific shoes that you are mad at, it's that she did it when you told her not to. If she is doing this, what else is she going to do? I would be mad too. She needs to respect your wishes.

+SMACE+ · May 2012

JLSmith124:
I can see where you are coming from. It's not necessarily the specific shoes that you are mad at, it's that she did it when you told her not to. If she is doing this, what else is she going to do? I would be mad to. She needs to respect your wishes.

I'm sorry, but that's ridiculous.

My mom buys stuff for my son often when I tell her it's not necessary. It doesn't mean that she doesn't respect ANY of my rules. She does. She just likes to buyshit for the kid.

PICK

YOUR

BATTLES.

And don't pounce on one thing that means NOTHING in the scheme of things.

You people are going to make parenting even harder than it already is.

Mrs.DeliaMarieP · May 2012

I would be mad because you should be the one getting your DS's first shoes fitted and picking them out. And, you already told her no. I would also be mad at my DH for letting her do it, unless he didn't know you had told her no.

LadyNikon · May 2012

I constantly got this from my god mother. WHERE IS HER SHOE's YOU WHERE SHOES is all she would say.. I told her that she doesn't need them til she is actually walk around. After awhile she gave up trying. People fail to realize that our babies are just that.. ours..

JLSmith124 · May 2012

+SMACE+:
JLSmith124:
I can see where you are coming from. It's not necessarily the specific shoes that you are mad at, it's that she did it when you told her not to. If she is doing this, what else is she going to do? I would be mad to. She needs to respect your wishes.
I'm sorry, but that's ridiculous.
My mom buys stuff for my son often when I tell her it's not necessary. It doesn't mean that she doesn't respect ANY of my rules. She does. She just likes to buyshit for the kid.
PICK
YOUR
BATTLES.
And don't pounce on one thing that means NOTHING in the scheme of things.
You people are going to make parenting even harder than it already is.

I have 2 children already. I know when to pick my battles. This can become an issue if you don't address it.

Meli B · May 2012

I know how you feel. My MIL oversteps her boundaries constantly and my DH has had a lot of problems with her because of it but she is very stubborn and everything has to be her way. She found out yesterday that we are expecting and is already deciding the babys name. I even had the same issue as you with our first son over jewelry...I didnt want him wearing any jewelry but she bought it anyways and gets upset when he doesn't wear it. People like that are very difficult to deal with and can get you very stressed but I hope you can find a way to deal with the situation without stressing yourself out too much...good luck

laura1 · May 2012

blowfish11:
+SMACE+:
Also my son wore shoes at that age when we went to the mall and the park. Bare feet are not a good choice at those places.
This. I wouldn't really be upset about my MIL buying my kid shoes. I'd be irritated about my toes being stepped on... But I also choose my battles with that woman. HA.

This!

Am I right to be mad (regarding DS1)?...

Re: Am I right to be mad (regarding DS1)?...

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