IL vent time! — The Bump
April 2012 Moms

IL vent time!

MIL & FIL were visiting last weekend.  When it was time for DS1's nap, FIL volunteered to go up and take a nap with him (thank goodness he decided to nap on the floor and not in DS's bed with him since he's 300lbs and I was afraid he would break it), even though we take him for walks to get him to sleep, because he no longer goes to sleep for naps if we just put him in his room.  FIL did not care and seemed to think that he would go down with him.  Half an hour later, DS is still playing, and I told DH to go get him and take him for a walk.

Fast forward to yesterday.  I was emptying the trash in all the bathrooms, and I notice that it stinks in the hall bathroom really bad.  The toilet in there has been broken for months, and we don't ever use it anyway, so we have not been in a hurry to fix it (the tank is under a counter lip, so it's a b*tch to get into and we've been lazy).  The water has been turned off to it since otherwise it runs constantly.  I flush it every few weeks so that the water in the bowl does not get stale and nasty.  We have told FIL on numerous occasions that the toilet is broken and if he wants to use it he needs to turn on the water underneath, or use the one in the master bath or the one downstairs.  Anyway, so I notice the nasty smell, and check the toilet thinking the water has just gotten stale.  Nope, FIL peed in the toilet and then did NOTHING when it did not flush.  I would understand that he forgot it was broken.  I would understand that he could not get down to turn on the water because he's so fat that he can't get down under there.  I do not understand why he could not tell anyone what happened and just wait for us to find it.  So freaking nasty!  I'm about to ban him from using out toilets at all (not really, i'm just annoyed!) since the last time he visited I stepped in pee on the floor in front of the toilet after he left (he was the only one to use the downstairs toilet) that he did not clean up.  I understand that he has bladder issues, but seriously? Clean up your pee!  A time before that he clogged up the toilet and then tried to use the toilet brush to unclog it.  It did not work, so he just put the brush back, covered in toilet paper.  Seriously? Is it too hard to ask DH for the plunger?  He is manic depressive as well, so you can't even bring it up with him without him throwing a tantrum and storming out.  I told to DH to deal with it, since it's his dad and I'll probably just be a b*tch to him. 

Ok, my vent over, time for yours!  What has your IL's done lately that annoys you?

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Re: IL vent time!

  • Wow,  that is all I can say.

    I just don't know.  I think next time I would tell my husband that his  parents have to get a hotel room.  I don't put up with that kind of stuff though. 

  • ToraniTorani
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    Wow,  that is all I can say.

    I just don't know.  I think next time I would tell my husband that his  parents have to get a hotel room.  I don't put up with that kind of stuff though. 

    They don't even stay with us!  GMIL lives here too, so they stay at her house.  Therefore, they come for the weekend, but only visit on Saturday afternoon. They know that DS1 naps right after lunch, but they still insist on showing up right before lunch, getting DS1 all excited so that he won't nap, and then leaving after dinner.  No Friday night (even though they usually arrive early enough), and no Sunday, since FIL gets a bug up his *ss to get home ASAP.  We are up at 8am, so they would have hours to play with the boys if they actually came earlier.  But no, it's more fun to complain on how little they see their grandsons that to actually get out of bed and get over here to see them more. At least my MIL is awesome and cooks for us when she is here and cleans the kitchen.  Can I just keep her?

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  • Oh I see.  Hmmm well then if it was me I would tell my husband that he needs to say something to his dad  about peeing on the floor and not cleaning it up.  I would also make it clear to my husband that I wouldn't be the one to clean it up, but I am kinda a b*tch like that. 

    I have to ask, is your FIL in therapy ?  Could he be suffering from dementia somehow ?  I just don't know.  Leaving urine on the floor and not doing anything about it just isn't good, not good at all. 

    Also I wouldn't be afraid of FIL throwing a temper tantrum.  He has obviously learned that he gets what he wants when he does it,  so he will keep doing it. I am far from a psychologist, but I imagine that even if he did have a personality disorder, that by giving into these tantrums, you really aren't helping him live a more mentally healthy life. 

    I also wouldn't change the kid's  nap time schedule at all.  If they miss it, oh well.  Maybe next time  they will just have to try harder to see the kids.

  • dojo1dojo1
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    I was goingtosuggest that fil might have intended n telling you but forgot until I kept reading..l he doesn't get the benefit of doubt from me! Yuck!

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  • Umm... that's ridiculous and gross. 

    My ILs expected me to travel to their house on Mother's Day. They live 2 hours away, I had just given birth 11 days prior, I lost over 2 liters of blood and was told not to really leave my apartment for 6 weeks, it was my vert first mothers day... none of these were good excuses to them and they still expected me to come. (We didn't go, obviously)

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  • gisa886gisa886
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    Flucking gross man! My ILs also complain about not seeing my kids, but they don't come visit. They expect us to make the trip. Cause ya know it is so much easier to pack up two kids and go 8+ hours than it is for two retired people to make that trip
    i wish i could be joking but my dad is the music teacher at a church so he owuld be mad. we had sex, all the time how bad i know but we dont want to wait and he said GREAT OH KAY! and I was really feeling the wets? down there- too embarsed to say- but he acted like man.
  • Sometimes I feel bad complaining about my MIL because she's a really nice person, but she drives me crazy. She lives an hour and a half away (not that far, but my parents are a 10 minute drive) Before the baby we saw her maybe once every two months and she was totally fine with that. Never made any attempt to come see us, we always drove up to see her and that was fine.

    Now that I have the baby she is so clingy. She wants to come down every weekend and routinely texts after she leaves saying she misses the baby. My fiance works all weekend, so there is no buffer- just me, her and DD. She's not exactly offering stimulating conversation when she's here either, just a constant stream of "she's so sweet, she's so cute, I love her so much, I love her eyes, I love her nose, did you see that face she just made?" (I know these things- she's my baby!) She also uses extreme baby talk which I haaaate and have already asked her to avoid using. It drives me nuts if I'm sitting holding the baby and she's leaning over me kissing her face over and over (she has done this while my mom was holding her as well)

    I have to go to my niece's dance recital on Sunday and my fiance enlisted MIL to babysit. I kind of don't want to go because I know how thrilled she will be to have the baby all to herself without me here(as she has already mentioned many times.) Now I sound mean and might be crossing over into crazy. 

     

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  • kkfeb04kkfeb04
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    Flucking gross man! My ILs also complain about not seeing my kids, but they don't come visit. They expect us to make the trip. Cause ya know it is so much easier to pack up two kids and go 8+ hours than it is for two retired people to make that trip

    This.  Both my mother, my IL's and BIL/SIL expect me and/or DH to pack up the kids and make the 2+ hour drive to each of their houses. My family is about 3 1/2 hours away from his family.  Prior to kids we use to travel to both houses at holidays, stopped about 5 years ago after being stuck in a snow storm on the highway for about 10 hours, we finally got home and 15 min later we lost power, it was a horrible Christmas. DH's brother NEVER travels not even to his parents house which is 10 min from them because they have to "pack" to much for their 6 year old.  They have only seen DS once at our house because they are douchebags.  SIL has not even acknowledged DD and she's friggen on my facebook so she could at least like a damn picture.  But yeah I have heard from both my mother and IL's that I need to travel the 4+ hours to spend 2 hours at most there and both parents are disgusted by BFing and DD will not take a bottle from me nor are our parents allowed to feed the kids (multiple issues on both sides). I would be traveling just myself since my next day off with DH is Thanksgiving.  Nope, they can come to me. Oh and neither house is toddler proofed and I have severe allergies at both places (enough to use epi-pens) since IL's regularly have SIL's cat and I'm allergic to my mom's dog (she thinks I make it up even though I have wheezing and my airway closes at her house since I'm not allergic to my dog).

    ETA: The grandparents are retired also meanwhile DH works 60 hour weeks and I pull 40 hours at work.

    Sorry no paragraphs, bumping from my phone.
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  • ToraniTorani
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    Oh I see.  Hmmm well then if it was me I would tell my husband that he needs to say something to his dad  about peeing on the floor and not cleaning it up.  I would also make it clear to my husband that I wouldn't be the one to clean it up, but I am kinda a b*tch like that. 

    I have to ask, is your FIL in therapy ?  Could he be suffering from dementia somehow ?  I just don't know.  Leaving urine on the floor and not doing anything about it just isn't good, not good at all. 

    Also I wouldn't be afraid of FIL throwing a temper tantrum.  He has obviously learned that he gets what he wants when he does it,  so he will keep doing it. I am far from a psychologist, but I imagine that even if he did have a personality disorder, that by giving into these tantrums, you really aren't helping him live a more mentally healthy life. 

    I also wouldn't change the kid's  nap time schedule at all.  If they miss it, oh well.  Maybe next time  they will just have to try harder to see the kids.

    No, he's not in therapy, but he really should be.  I don't think they can afford it and I don't think he would go.  He has even more issues that I would not mention (things growing up and hates his other family members) and he would probably really benefit from therapy if he would go.  As far as the tantrums go, he ruins the whole day.  We tend to ignore him and let him go watch tv, but it just creates a really tense aura that I like to avoid.  SIL does the same thing, so let me tell you how fun it is when they are both around.  He is better now that he's on medication, and it's sad to actually say the way he acts now is better!  I don't change DS's nap, but I tend to be the only one saying he needs his nap and pushing DH to go get him down. 

    I guess the nice thing is that they do come to us, and don't expect us to pack up and go there all the time.  We'll be going there (3hrs away) next month for MIL's retirement party.  The last time we were there was last summer.  At least no guilt trips!  My dad loves to give me guilt trips that he only sees us on birthdays and holidays.  Well dad, with my sister's 4 kids and my 2 kids, plus the rest of us, that tends to be at least once a month that we see you and that's plenty!

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