IVF

RingOfFire11 · May 2012

Hi ladies! My best friend just got news that her odds of getting pregnant without intervention are not looking great (it's a problem with her DH). The fertility specialist told her that she would be a good candidate for IVF though. She's not taking the news very well and will need time to digest that her situation may not be what she originally expected. I told her this is not a dead end and there are many IVF success stories on TB (and in June 2011). I understand there's a whole financial aspect of this avenue too. Do any of you have any encouraging words I can lend? I'd even like to link this post if you do. TIA!

gymnst1013 · May 2012

It will probably take her a while to digest the news so give her some time. Let her know you are there for her if she wants to talk. For me at least, once I started learning what all was involved, I started to get really excited about the whole process. There is so much hope for her - a friend of mine got pregnant with twins and now hos 2 beautiful 18 month old boys even though her husband only had 4 sperm. Yep, 4. That isn't a typo.

As for the financial aspect, I was sure that was going to be a deal breaker for us, but there are a lot of options. There are loan options, cost sharing options, possibly clinical trials, insurance if she has coverage, savings, etc. Lots of options. We did a cost sharing program that gave us up to 6 tries (3 fresh and 3 frozen) with up to half our money returned if we didn't have success. We saved up part of the money and got a loan for the rest.

Good luck to her!

kellymacc · May 2012

It's definitely not a dead end!! And it's tough but completely worth it in the end. We got DS through IVF and actually we're getting ready to try again for #2 using embryos we got from round 1. Just waiting for AF to come again so I can call in a day 1.

It's not fun - it's stressful and emotional and tough all around, but overall the medical side of it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. I had a pretty intense fear of needles when we started but now it's not a problem at all. It will take some time to sink it and come to grips with - I was terrified when we got kicked over to the fertility center, I almost begged my OB to let us try a cycle with her, but once we got started it turned out to be the best thing that could have happened to us. We got definite answers and got to start trying with the high tech stuff right away - 3 IUI cycles and 1 IVF cycle later I was pregnant!

I'm not terribly sure about the financial end of it as most of my treatments were covered through insurance (MA is one of the states that requires some coverage by all companies, plus the school I work for is immensely good to their employees). We paid maybe $500 out of pocket for co-pays and meds, and $500 a year to store our remaining embryos.

The best advice I can give is take it one step at a time, try not to worry too much about what comes in 2 or 3 steps but just what comes next. Like I said above, it's not fun but it's completely worth it and lots of people have success with it. Some take a little longer than others but people are granted their miracles everyday.

When we were going through this I didn't know anyone that had done this, and all of my friends were getting pregnant the natural way. If she would like someone to talk to I am happy to give you my email address - just PM me for it.

I hope that helps!

susieandmarty · May 2012

my BF had a similar issue. They tried for nearly a year and then discovered through testingthat her husband literally had 1 sperm per ejaculation. They were pregnant after their first IVF and now expecting a little girl on labor day - i am so happy for them

LaRue86 · May 2012

One of my goods friends is going through this. Not only will your friend struggle, but so will her husband. My friend found out in Nov 2010 that her DH has no sperm and that they may be able to do a surgical procedure and locate sperm further back. Her DH still has not come to terms with it. He still feels that sex should = baby. He is slowly getting there, but it will be two years in November.

Im sorry your friend is going through this. Having been in your shoes, I typically follow her lead as to what she is willing/not willing to talk about. I have also learned that her reaction to various people are different. Dont ignore it, but dont try to understand it either. Let her take the lead as to what is/is not ok to talk about. It will change day to day. Best wishes to your friend and I hope they have quick results with IVF!

RingOfFire11 · May 2012

Thank you SO MUCH for the responses! I am forwarding these to her and I really appreciate you taking the time to your stories.

Gym - thanks for mentioning the cost sharing. That was something new she hadn't heard of and sounds hopeful!!

Syncronicity09 · May 2012

I have no advice to give, but wanted to wish your friend the best of luck!

amberpro · May 2012

No personal experience, but wanted to say I have a friend who is in 3rd tri with triplets from IVF! They saved for several years then got a small loan to cover the remainder. Best of luck to her journey

slstine19 · May 2012

I so wish I would've started the process sooner. Instead my gyn told me they could do the same thing as the specialists. So, not true. Specialists monitored all my blood work each cycle and could make adjustments accordingly. We did two IUI's before conceiving on our own with just meds to help with my cycles. I had the mindset that I would never get pregnant. I had to give injections and hate needles, but I learned and it was so worth it. We had a c-section and was told not to try again for a yr. I can't wait to try again. It is an emotional roller coaster when you get the news that it is negative that month and then you have to prepare yourself to go through it again the next month. I know others posted about DH's having to go through it also. However, I also think sometimes they don't realize how emotional it is for the female because they are doing all the medical steps and hormones may be very different. I was one that didn't talk abt it unless someone asked and I was more than willing to talk if someone wanted to listen. Financially-we had very good insurance thankfully.

RobinSparkles81 · May 2012

We never dealt with male factor infertility (according to the doctor DH had "super sperm") but I know many women that have. I think no matter the cause it's often harder on the woman because she's the one doing most of the tough work.

For me I was relieved by the time we got to do IVF (after two failed IUIs and nearly two years TTC)...but I was definitely scared and worried the whole time. Financially we are covered by the health care system up here so I can't speak on that issue. But, on the medical side, it's definitely a lot of work. Going for internal/vaginal u/s ever other day, while on your period no less, and then all the hormone meds and of course injecting yourself in the abdomen. It's a lot to take in for most people...but for me I just kept my eye of the cause. I also went in with the mindset that the first try is a "test run" for doctors to see how you respond to the drugs...they can modify accordingly if it doesn't work the first time. Thankfully for us, it did and every day when I look at my beautiful baby girl I am in complete shock that she's really here...I honestly didn't think pregnancy was in the cards for us.

Infertility is all consuming for most women...I essentially lost those two years of my life because it was pretty much all I thought about 24/7. It's not a good way to live. Your friend is probably feeling very alone with her feelings because as much as anyone wants to support her, unless they've been there they can never truly understand. It's not to says he doesn't appreciate your love and support, she needs it...probably more than she realizes.

I wish her nothing but the best...and like kellymacc, I'm happy to answer any questions she has. Just PM me if you want my email.

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