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June 2012 Moms
jamiah18
member
Baptism becoming a family issue...please help!! (long backstory)
jamiah18
member
Thanks ahead of time for reading and ANY advice is greatly appreciated:)
Ok so, at Thanksgiving, my mom asked dh and me if we would like to have her bf's friend (a priest that has been moved around and is currently at a parish about 2 1/2 hrs away from us) perform our baptism at our home parish. It's generally a common thing for priests to perform sacraments at other churches for friends/relatives. Dh and I both agreed. She contacted the priest, and our parish...everything seemed a go.
Enter mother in law. She is far more religious than anyone I've ever met and believes that the priest in my home parish has been given "special holy gifts" and to not have him baptize our child is wrong.
Now all of a sudden my husband thinks we should have our regular parish priest perform the baptism because of said "holy gifts" and because he doesn't want to hurt the priest's feelings by choosing a different priest.
While I'm not trying to stir up any religious debate, my issue really is that I just want my child baptized. I honestly don't care who does it, so long as its done. But I'm upset with dh because all of a sudden, it's an issue. My mom has no idea and I just know I'm going to be pulled in the middle...and I foresee it becoming a my family vs his family issue.
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Re: Baptism becoming a family issue...please help!! (long backstory)
As a lifelong devout Catholic... my first thought was your MIL must be pulling your leg. No disrespect meant, but I have never heard of whatever special gifts she is referencing. It seems incredibly silly since priests do change parishes from time to time.
Your way out of this is to say the arrangements have already been made, the other priest has already been contacted, he has already gone out of his way to agree to it, he is a family friend, and it's already been approved and set up. You could also have your home parish priest write MIL an email/ letter/ give her a call and let her know that he is perfectly comfortable with the arrangement.
I do think it's weird that your DH is backing up his mom instead of talking to you about it first. Presenting a unified front will be an incredibly important aspect of parenting.
Thanks for your response and advice:)
No disrespect taken regarding the MIL, you don't even know the half of it, lol!
And yes, it is a problem that my dh is all of a sudden siding with his mom, and yes it does scare me a bit. That is a point I will definitely be bringing up when we discuss this!! Thanks again:)
Ok, I think I read your post a little bit wrong. Are you saying that your MIL believes that special gifts are bestowed upon the head priest of EACH parish, or that only this specific priest has said special gifts? I read it the first way originally, but now I am realizing you probably meant the latter way. No matter, I still haven't really encountered this before but it does bring a little more clarity to her line of thinking.
I also noticed that this decision was made 6 months ago (I'm assuming your DH agreed then?) It's a little too late after the fact to be contesting it, IMO. But, something I realize that I should have said is that you should hear your DH out. Ask him for his honest reasoning. If he has some really good reasons for you that make sense to you, consider it. If he is only doing it to placate his mom, stick to your guns. Just my opinion. I also have some fun MIL issues and I find the more she gets her way via DH, the harder it is on our marriage. It gets worse once the kids show up, too.
I hope you find the right solution that works for everyone... trust me, I totally understand.
She is saying that this specific priest has special gifts because his uncle is a Monsignor with special healing powers.
Yes- dh agreed 6 months ago.
His reasoning for doing the 180 is: it's his baby not my mom's ( I get that it's more dh's decision than my mom's) but again, where was that answer 6 months ago when my mom asked us? Also- he thinks it will "hurt the feelings" of our parish priest that we would prefer someone else to perform the baptism. However, by creating this issue, he is hurting the feelings of the priest we originally asked and my mom's feelings.
And I should add- I am a devout Catholic as well but not very active in my church (nor is dh) and I could probably bet that the parish priest doesn't even know who we are. He didn't marry us and has only been in our parish for two years.
I am a catholic also... aaaaand your MIL is full of crap. lol Priests given "special holy gifts"??? No way. If the priest is upset by the fast that you want a different priest to do it then he probably isnt the best choice to begin with, a real caring priest would just be happy that your baby is being baptized.
Sounds like your MIL just wants to start problems and test your boundries...
But your asking for advice sooo if it was me i would say:
I'm sorry but the plans have already been made. My child being baptized is what matters, not WHO baptizes him. "No priest is given special holy gifts... God is the only one with power" God would not care who performed it as long as the baptism is done... and make sure you throw in that god probably would not like anyone turning the baptism into a family debate. The baptism is to be a good thing for the PARENTS to enjoy and no one should be willing to start a fight over it.
You are completely right. And I would bet my MIL is trying to cause trouble. To her, I'm still the girl that stole away her precious baby and I believe any trouble she can cause between us, she will. Thanks forte advice:)
I tried telling my husband this but he doesn't want to believe me. Grr!!:)
I'm a Baptist, so I'm not sure how this would work for you, but sometimes we utilize two pastors in a baby dedication. Could one priest hold the baby, and the other sprinkle? Or maybe they could split up the talking?
If this is not an option, I'd say stick to the priest you originally planned to use. Perhaps you could contact your parish priest and ask him to let your husband know that he is not offended.