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December 2011 Moms
cookinitup
member
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How are you controlling the "stuff"
cookinitup
member
Sorry I couldn't come up with a better title and that this is long....
We have had a steady stream of "stuff" (gifts, clothes, handme downs, toys) given to us from friends and all three sets of grandparents. And of course - it's a competition in my MIL mind. Everytime she finds out that another grandparent has given LO anything she has to get him something too.
We've gotten multiples of items - many times I can't return them because they're second hand or there's no receipt. (most of the time I save that stuff to regift) Some of it we just don't like (not trying to sound ungrateful here!) I've had nightmares about the stuff multiplying and growing before my eyes and it swallows us up.
I've come up with an idea to help the grandparents stay in check and I'm not sure if it seems to controlling or calculated - but I really don't want more than we actually need and I don't want to feel bad everytime I give something away or throw it out/donate it because LO granny bought it for him. I also don't want a bunch of cheap, noisy plastic toys (that's a whole nother post!)
I've created a spreadsheet using google docs so that all of the grandparents can access it. On one tab I've created a list of toys that they can get him, things we think are appropriate, with links to make it easy. The other tab lists the clothing (size/type/quantity) that he will be needing for the next season. They can all indicate in the column that something has been bought so that they others *hopefully* won't duplicate.
Am I crazy? Is anyone else having the same issues? What are you doing about it?
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Re: How are you controlling the &quot;stuff&quot;
While the organizer in me just loves the idea, I think it might be a little overboard. Unless the grandparents are open to it, I think it's a little much.
Maybe sit them all down and explain to them that you're being overloaded with gifts and while you are very grateful for it, you would appreciate it more if they sort of followed your guidelines. If they're open to the idea, go for it. If they're kind of turned off by it, just grit your teeth and bear it.
It could be worse. C has two sets of grandparents that never buy her anything. My parents got us a lot of stuff before she was born and a few pieces of clothing here and there since. Hubby's parents got her nothing before she was born and a few too-small outfits for her for Christmas but that's it. The grass is always greener.
Fastest year of my life.
Yeah, that's slightly crazy. If someone gave me a spreadsheet like that I would be appalled & probably never buy something for them (their baby) again. But, that's kind of what you want so, go for it?
You could always sell the stuff you can't return. Or talk to the grandparents & tell them the deal. A spreadsheet will probably be taken worse than a conversation.
I suppose I'm too type A for my own good.
If my MIL wasn't truely insane this wouldn't be such an issue. FWIW the conversations haven't worked. Even though birthday and Christmas are still 6 months away I'm trying to get ahead of it (the spreadsheets are not big at.all. Ten lines each maybe) And - the other two sets of grandparents have asked specifically what to get - I guess I thought a list that they could choose from would be easier for us all than me trying to remember and describe.
And yes, I realize the shoe could be on the other foot and we could not be given anything! Like I mentioned in OP - by no means am I trying to be ungrateful, and I realize how lucky we are to have generous parents.
I love spreadsheets, but it might be a little cold and likely to offend. Aside from re-gifting or giving to friends who need it, I would sell things to OUAC (or similar place) and the things they didn't take, I'd donate. There's no reason you have to keep everything you're given.
Honestly, I think the spreadsheet is a bit much. I have the same issue with grandparents buying tons of stuff for Calvin. I've tried hinting and implying and straight-up telling them that he does not need more crap, but it doesn't matter. They see something they think is cute and want to get it for him. I just smile, exclaim over how cute it is, and take it home.
And then I get rid of something he already owns. We have adopted a strict one-in-one-out policy. It's getting easier to do now that he is outgrowing things. Every time a new onesie or toy or book enters the house, something must go out. I can't control the grandparents, but I can control the stuff accumulating in my house.
Jan17 Sept Sig: Pumpkin Spice gone too far
This.
Why don't you make a Wish List on Amazon (or other site) and let people know its out there. That, for whatever reason, seems more acceptable to me.
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This. We usually pack away or toss stuff we don't want.
I agree... It does sound a bit crazy.
I too have an issue with the amount of gifts we get...and what we get is always lacking in usefulness.
I'm living with DS is DH and my responsiblity. Everything else is just a "bonus"--sometimes an unwanted bonus, sometimes a useful surprise. I graciously take everything and I'm thankful for it. But in the end if I don't want it it has been going to a box in the basement. When the box is full it's going to a shelter/Goodwill/etc. I appreciate gifts, but they don't have to take over my life. I find it stupid that grandparents feel the need to compete. So far no one has really said "where's that _____ I got him?". Thankfully, but if it does happen I'm standing my ground. I should be able to keep what I want in my house and be able to monitor what my children have---I'm with you, those cheapy toys I highly dislike. Most are super annoying and I fear them be a hazard.
I think the checklist system makes it seem more grabby. I also think it highly appears that you cannot take care of your child yourself. I'd either say "please stop bringing gifts" or take them as they come and don't feel the need to keep them. It might be a waste---but it's their money to waste. I totally get that it's a PITA to you. My MIL is super competitive. She a crappy grandma and tries to buy love in general. She'll bring us truckloads of clothes that don't fit and then tells me to return them. It's kinda like "thanks for the extra task on my to-do list".