Delivery Question.

AliciaP0528 · May 2012

I am having a scheduled C-Section (that is of course, unless my baby has other plans) and my husband does not want anyone to come to the hospital until after the baby arrives. This is his first child, my second. He says he wants it this way so that we have time alone with the baby, which I do understand. However, my mom and I are VERY close and when I told her the plan for the delivery date she got rather upset. She is not only upset that she won't be there when the baby comes, but she is also upset that I am going to be having surgery and she won't be there. She said that she would hate to get a phone call that, heaven forbid, something went wrong rather than being there in person. I am totally torn. I understand where my husband is coming from and I want to respect his wishes, but I also see where my mom is coming from on this situation as well. Any thoughts?

mamameg11 · May 2012

My mom is exactly like your mom. I had a c section with DD and my mom didn't even look at DD when we came back in after surgery, she was more concerned if I was doing okay. She said she loves her grandbabies, but that I am her baby and she worried about me the whole surgery. My sister would not let my parents come for the delivery - she and her husband had a no visitors for 1 week rule. My mom was heartbroken, then my sister's labor didn't go as planned and she wound up with an emergency c section. My mom was so upset, but she did get over it eventually. I can see where your DH is coming from, but I honestly could not imagine having my next c section without my mom being there. You could compromise and allow your mom to be there during/right after c section, but then let her know she needs to leave after the first hour and let you guys have your alone time for a few hours.

mylittlesunshine · May 2012

This is tricky because as the patient, you should have the ultimate say.

Maybe you can come to agreement that she come soon AFTER you have baby, are in recovery and have a little time just the three of you. Maybe for him, by him being the only one there makes him feel that HE is the one that is there for you (almost as in if something comes up, maybe he is afraid that you would turn to YOUR mother rather then him). Just my two cents.

Regardless you both need to be on the same page. If you decide that it just be the two of you, then you need to sit down with your mom and explain why you came to that decision. Maybe she was upset because you didn't explain fully why your DH just wants it to be him and you. Alone time with a new baby is very important to me so I am sort of with your DH on this. Your mother is going to have a long time to get to know her grandchildren. As a mother and father, that time when you have a brand new baby is so special, so I see where he would want to make a few memories (especially since this is his first child).

thatoneredhead · May 2012

I totally understand where your husband is coming from. We had to compromise. I want mom and mil in there for the birth, but they have ground rules. First, I can kick them out and they are already aware of this. Second, they are leaving once hes settled. That time is mine and my dh's. The birth isnt intimate for me- its the bond afterwards.

Its my first, and Im very concerned about being stampeded by faimily. I bet he is too. Maybe you can compromise w DH and let him set rules. Like, she can be there, but we get so muh private time. That sort of thing.

unaveragejane · May 2012

I think my hospital only allows spouses in the OR during c-sections. That might be something you want to check into.

TnG05 · May 2012

We're the opposite. I'm like your husband and he wants his mom there. I want the bonding time after and figure they can come later that day or the next day depending on what time the baby arrives. I think there are times, when we have to respect our spouses wishes despite what our parents say and in this case I think you should tell your mom that you all will call her after the baby arrives and don't assume something will go wrong. Honestly, if it does there is nothing she'll be able to do. Are there reasons, she thinks something may happen? If so, then that's another discussion.

MrsCAA · May 2012

A lot of c/s only allow 1 person in the OR.

But maybe have your mom in the waiting room, knowing that you are going to have an hour or 2 of recovery time/ bonding with the baby before DH comes and gets her to come back. That way she is there if something goes wrong and you gets your private family time.

amberlynnr7 · May 2012

I think that you should make the call regarding your mom..because that is YOUR family. Even if he doesn't want her AT the birth, she could be in the waiting room. That might give both of you piece of mind.

topaz7777 · May 2012

I told my mom she could be in the waiting room if she wanted to. DH will come out and announce when the baby is there and let them know we will call them when we are ready for visitors. (probably several hours later at the earliest)

jc0n15 · May 2012

My hospital doesn't allow anyone but me, DH and the baby for the first hour after birth so this isn't an issue for us. Maybe make up a story like that so your mother doesn't get hurt and your husband is happy.

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