Dad having a tough time

Jenny952 · May 2012

DH gets really frustrated with DD when he can't calm her down, and it's starting to frustrate me too. I told him a few weeks ago that I need him to help me more, give me breaks so I can go to the grocery store or sometimes just pee in silence. He's really trying, but yesterday he took her for a walk while I ran errands and she cried the whole time. I know she was tired, and the stroller usually always puts her out, but this time didn't work. He picks her up from day/care and is with her for about an hour before I get home and he tells me it's the most stressful time of his day. I leave a bottle for him in case she gets hungry. I just don't know what to do anymore. Anyone else have advice for DH? For me??

jb2rn · May 2012

He needs to keep at it. He will find his own way to comfort her.

My dh does what I call the "daddy bounce". When ds won't settle/nap, dh holds him against his chest and bounces him. I try but can't replicate it.

I am a SAHM so I naturally just know ds a little better, but I praise dh and make him feel special for the times he IS able to comfort ds, because I know dh feels bad when he can't.

I think you just need to let your dh keep at it - I know it's frustrating for everyone.

mama&baby · May 2012

First of all, both of you should know that if you feel like you are at your breaking point, it is OK to put your LO down in a crib/safe place with no objects around, and take like 10 mins to yourself. Lots of shaken baby syndrome occurs because people get frustrated and don't know what else to do (PLEASE don't take this as though I am implying that you would EVER do that-- I was just trying to relate the level of frustration from a LO that won't stop crying). If that doesn't work, does your LO like the car? Perhaps your DH could take a short drive with her? Perhaps she is like my LO and likes to be held ALL THE TIME! Maybe investing in a baby carrier may be a good route for you to take..... I know you said she is in daycare-- maybe talk with them to make sure they are putting her down for naps at regular intervals. Sounds like it may be an over-tired issue. Good luck!

NNGnome · May 2012

I agree with pp, I would also add that babies pick up stress, so if your DH is stressed it can make the baby stressed making everything worse, if your DH can put the LO down as pp said and just walk away for a minute it can help. My LO also went thought a stage a couple weeks ago when only mummy would do and he would cry for everyone else even when I was in the room, it was short lived though, he still does it if he is tired or hungry, but DH was able to have him for 4 hours this weekend and keep him calm (he used the car a lot though Wink

)

sap05e · May 2012

Like PP said, babies can sense that stuff. My DH has just recently gotten to where he is totally fine with being alone with her. He was getting really depressed for the first few months because he felt like he wasnt cut out to be a dad. I started having him do things with her while I was at home so he could get the "practice" but could call on me if he needed help. I still do most of the work, like feeding (solids), bathing and putting her to bed most nights, but he's done all of them enough now to where he is comfortable if I cant be there. He also takes a different approach than me at bedtime - I will keep rocking or trying new things til she goes to sleep. He just gives up and takes her downstairs to play. What's important is that both dad and baby are content. He just needs to remember that he doesnt have to try to be mom. He can have his own parenting style too.

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gina2433 · May 2012

Yep to the stress. Husband dude and LO started out B. A. D. But now he lives being around dad, smiles and even looks for him. It just takes time and he needs to relax and learn in his own.

varkeyr · May 2012

Most of my kiddos never really liked Dad until around 8 months (this is # 5). Tell him to keep going. Sometimes he just has to try different things to calm your LO. He might try music, dancing around, taking her outside, swinging her, ect..

Tink112011 · May 2012

I'm glad I'm not alone in this. My DH, while a great guy and loving dad, is very hands off. At this point neither of us would be comfortable if he had to watch DS for a full day or put him to bed at night.

So no advice, just letting you know I can relate.

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