WTF... (super long)

mm29 · May 2012

I'm not really sure what to say, except for that I am so confused with how, when or what we are going to do as we move forward.

Our RE feels that because I had a c/p it is not my body rejecting the embryo, but that my embryos are genetically abnormal. He also feels that we may still have success with my OE's since I am young. However, he thinks it may be a better option to move forward with DE, because it will probably work the first time. It will less expensive than trying IVF over and over again with my OE's and we will be able to take home a baby sooner. He is willing to try again with my OE's as well.

He does not think that I will benefit from staggered IVF with PGD/CHG because I develop so few eggs, it is better to do a fresh embryo transfer with what I make instead of paying the extra cost for genetic testing.

I had a few immulogical testing completed in the past. NK cells were negative, I have one copy of Mthfr which did not call for lovenox or aspirin. He does not feel that I need further testing because the tx for antiphospholipid antibody is the same as Mthfr, and now that I sit here typing this I should have asked for antiphospholipid antibody to be checked, because that makes no sense to me. And he does not think that fragile x or antiovarian antibody needs to be tested because that will not change my protocol in anyway.

DH and I are going on a road trip tomorrow, we are going to do some soul searching and decide what we want to do. What we do know is that we have to wait anywhere from 6 mo to a year before cycling again in order to afford another set of IVF cycles.

Ladies I need your honest opinions. Should I get other RE's opinions? Do you think my eggs are sh!t, should I give up on my eggs and move on? I know that these are very personal choices, but I trust all of your opinions, and need good honest advice. XOXO

reb259 · May 2012

Ok, so just my opinion...

2nd opinions can never hurt...it might even help to make other decisions.

As far as your other questions...I know I probably already told you my story so sorry in advance. For me both "new" RE's said that they would cycle me with my own eggs if I wanted. I want a take home baby and my chances of having that happening are much better with DE than mine. We have spent so much emotionally and $ that I am tired and want the best possible odds of a take home baby.

Wishing you all the best, they are hard decisions to make but once you do I think you will feel a sense of peace.

Hugs!!

Sloane99 · May 2012

Given that you're on financial hold regardless, I see absolutely no harm in getting a second or even third opinion. I'm the kind of person that has to gather all the information even remotely possible before I can make a decision or at least make a decision that will lead to the least regrets.

As for DE versus your OE, how do you and your DH feel about this? There's such an emotional side to this as well that's completely personal so I can't even begin to answer it for you.

SweetDahlia · May 2012

I agree that it doesn't hurt to see another RE. I meet with our 3rd next month.

The 2nd one has no clue WTF is wrong with our fert rate. After the fail of 3 I was super down and have really thought about donor eggs. I am just so tired and can't keep doing it, money wise or sanity wise. I just want a baby. So deep down you just have to think, can you keep at it with all the heartbreak, or do you just want a baby? It sucks. I don't know what to tell you, now I don't know. There is a FB page for DE and DS.

Aegis2005 · May 2012

I'm sorry that everything seems so unclear right now. I'd be inclined to get a second opinion.

naybird · May 2012

It never hurts to get a second opinon and a new set of eyes looking everything over.

Good luck, I hope you can figure out the right thing for you to do.

Big hugs.

lynn0926 · May 2012

I would absolutely get a 2nd or even a 3rd opinion. I had a total of 4 consults and it became clearer and clearer to me what to do next after hearing what they had to say. Hopefully they can give you some more insight. I know that you know already know that nobody can tell you which direction to move in. You will know when the time is right to move on. That being said, if you do decide to move onto DE that puts you on the 6 month +/- track from start of the DE process to completion depending on what type of program you choose. That is in line with your savings plan as well. I hope your road trip helps with your soul searching and helps bring you clarity.

krod2010 · May 2012

I agree with everyone that a second opinion won't hurt. I think you should do the antiphospholipid testing and rule it out. I also have one copy of MTHFR and I have antiphospholipid antibodies. I saw a hematologist who didn't necessarily think these issues could cause a m/c (I did DE and had a m/c at 9 weeks and just had a cp) but the hematologist said that she would rather have me do lovenox than not because if I did have a m/c I would think that was the problem. Genetic testing ruled out a chromosomal abnormality so we will never know why I miscarried.

I don't think any dr or person can say your eggs are ***....because quite frankly this is a crap shoot. We have done two cycles of DE with perfect embryos and both times have failed. My dr doesn't have an answer either.....So my point is do whatever testing YOU feel you need to rule out everything so at the end of the day you aren't wondering if it might be APA. My identical twin had two children at 34 and 36 (has the same MTHFR issue) and she never had a problem conceiving.

It is a personal decision whether you want to do DE or OE. DE doesn't guarantee a baby anymore than OE at least in my case and you just need to decide how much more you are willing to do.

Keep the faith and I am wishing you much luck and success with your next cycle whatever you decide.

may2806 · May 2012

I agree that a second opinion would be a good idea. The decision to move to DE is very personal but like pp, I got to the point where I just wanted a baby. As for the additional testing, I'm of the opinion that it's best to know everything you're dealing with. Especially with regard to fragile x - I was tested routinely by my third RE and it turns out I'm a carrier. This helped to explain my POF and also factored in to moving to DE - if I got pregnant with my OE I had a significant chance of having a child with mental disabilities. That is something serious to consider so I don't know why your doctor wouldn't want to test for it. I do agree though that with few embryos PGD isn't really worth it. I know these are hard decisions ((hugs))

mm29 · May 2012

reb259:

Ok, so just my opinion...

2nd opinions can never hurt...it might even help to make other decisions.

As far as your other questions...I know I probably already told you my story so sorry in advance. For me both "new" RE's said that they would cycle me with my own eggs if I wanted. I want a take home baby and my chances of having that happening are much better with DE than mine. We have spent so much emotionally and $ that I am tired and want the best possible odds of a take home baby.

Wishing you all the best, they are hard decisions to make but once you do I think you will feel a sense of peace.

Hugs!!

Thank you for your opinion!!! I will move forward with some other opinions. I think it will help make my decision a little easier.

mm29 · May 2012

Sloane99:

Given that you're on financial hold regardless, I see absolutely no harm in getting a second or even third opinion. I'm the kind of person that has to gather all the information even remotely possible before I can make a decision or at least make a decision that will lead to the least regrets.

As for DE versus your OE, how do you and your DH feel about this? There's such an emotional side to this as well that's completely personal so I can't even begin to answer it for you.

I agree that a second and third opinion will help me make a decision with the least regrets.

As for DE vs my OE, DH and I are not opposed to DE, and are actually leaning towards DE. DH is completely supportive of any decision that I make, but I am having a hard time morning the loss of my own biological child. I am having a hard time that at 31 yrs old I cannot get ku with my OE's. Maybe the forced break is exactly what we need to help me/us to make the decision best of us.

mm29 · May 2012

lynn0926:
I would absolutely get a 2nd or even a 3rd opinion. I had a total of 4 consults and it became clearer and clearer to me what to do next after hearing what they had to say. Hopefully they can give you some more insight. I know that you know already know that nobody can tell you which direction to move in. You will know when the time is right to move on. That being said, if you do decide to move onto DE that puts you on the 6 month +/- track from start of the DE process to completion depending on what type of program you choose. That is in line with your savings plan as well. I hope your road trip helps with your soul searching and helps bring you clarity.

I had no idea the DE process took about 6 mo's. I find that info very interesting!! Lynn thank you for responding

mm29 · May 2012

SweetDahlia:

I agree that it doesn't hurt to see another RE. I meet with our 3rd next month.

The 2nd one has no clue WTF is wrong with our fert rate. After the fail of 3 I was super down and have really thought about donor eggs. I am just so tired and can't keep doing it, money wise or sanity wise. I just want a baby. So deep down you just have to think, can you keep at it with all the heartbreak, or do you just want a baby? It sucks. I don't know what to tell you, now I don't know. There is a FB page for DE and DS.

It totally sucks! I wish we didn't have to deal with all this sh!t. I'm not sure if I can deal with any more heartbreak. I do just want a baby. I know I have better chances with DE, but I keep telling myself nothing is a for sure thing. What if I throw money towards DE and that fails? I hate that I am even thinking this way!

mm29 · May 2012

may2806:
I agree that a second opinion would be a good idea. The decision to move to DE is very personal but like pp, I got to the point where I just wanted a baby. As for the additional testing, I'm of the opinion that it's best to know everything you're dealing with. Especially with regard to fragile x - I was tested routinely by my third RE and it turns out I'm a carrier. This helped to explain my POF and also factored in to moving to DE - if I got pregnant with my OE I had a significant chance of having a child with mental disabilities. That is something serious to consider so I don't know why your doctor wouldn't want to test for it. I do agree though that with few embryos PGD isn't really worth it. I know these are hard decisions ((hugs))

I agree 100% that more testing would help make my decision a bit easier. Thank you!

mm29 · May 2012

krod2010:

I agree with everyone that a second opinion won't hurt. I think you should do the antiphospholipid testing and rule it out. I also have one copy of MTHFR and I have antiphospholipid antibodies. I saw a hematologist who didn't necessarily think these issues could cause a m/c (I did DE and had a m/c at 9 weeks and just had a cp) but the hematologist said that she would rather have me do lovenox than not because if I did have a m/c I would think that was the problem. Genetic testing ruled out a chromosomal abnormality so we will never know why I miscarried.

I don't think any dr or person can say your eggs are ***....because quite frankly this is a crap shoot. We have done two cycles of DE with perfect embryos and both times have failed. My dr doesn't have an answer either.....So my point is do whatever testing YOU feel you need to rule out everything so at the end of the day you aren't wondering if it might be APA. My identical twin had two children at 34 and 36 (has the same MTHFR issue) and she never had a problem conceiving.

It is a personal decision whether you want to do DE or OE. DE doesn't guarantee a baby anymore than OE at least in my case and you just need to decide how much more you are willing to do.

Keep the faith and I am wishing you much luck and success with your next cycle whatever you decide.

Thank you for the advice! I wish you the best as well!!!!

Gregermis · May 2012

hmmmmmmmm.... Yes, definitely get a second RE's opinion. The minute we are out of embryos I am heading there. I am getting more and more frustrated with my clinic right now. I'm getting the same thing from my RE, since 3/4 loss are c/p's, she's saying it's probably the embryos... Confused

I feel like this is more of "we have no idea answer".

Edwina.McDunnough · May 2012

We also had multiple second and third and fourth opinions and we searched for a DE program for a year and it was still very hard to actually move forward. It's an difficult and emotional process even though you think you are prepared and rationally know it is the right step. It's normal to grieve the loss of a biological link.

Hugs!

illinigal · May 2012

Hugs. I wish all of this was easier. If you feel like getting another RE's opinion would help you, then go do that. Once you get the opinion, you can decide to stay or go.... Just because you get another opinion doesnt mean you have to cycle with the new one. DE is such a personal decision. If you want a baby sooner, you may have to go with that. But if you are willing to keep trying and shelling out more money to try to get your perfect egg, then go with that. We are here for you no matter what you decide.

vanessagorc · May 2012

I think a 2nd opinion is always good. Even if it just confirms the first opinion. It gives u peace of mind.

What ur dr says makes sense to me. I was not a candidate for pgd either, bc Iade so few blasts. So I get that.

If ur really wanting ur own eggs, dr ow.en dav.is is the national specialist in what ur dealing wih...but might have to travel here for the consult. Maybe a phone consult at ccrm?

Hugs and good luck!!!

joules12 · May 2012

I'm not a candidate for PGD either, which certainly makes me more fearful about trying with my OE again. As you know, I'm not as far into things -- so I can't offer any advice. But, I just wanted to say that you continue to be in my thoughts and I'm so sorry that you're facing such decisions. Major (((hugs))) headed your way. Wishing you and your DH a wonderful road trip...based on where you're headed out from, it's sure to be somewhere gorgeous!

winofairy · May 2012

I would get another opinion before giving up on my OE.

I hope you and YH have an awesome road trip! It's always good to get away even if just for a day or two.

HUGE (((HUGS))) Lots of T&P's for you!

mm29 · May 2012

vanessagorc:
I think a 2nd opinion is always good. Even if it just confirms the first opinion. It gives u peace of mind.

What ur dr says makes sense to me. I was not a candidate for pgd either, bc Iade so few blasts. So I get that.
If ur really wanting ur own eggs, dr ow.en dav.is is the national specialist in what ur dealing wih...but might have to travel here for the consult. Maybe a phone consult at ccrm?
Hugs and good luck!!!

Thank you for the recommendation. I will make sure to look him up

Roxie5739 · May 2012

As for all other PP, you have time on your hands so go with a 2nd or 3rd opinion and get all your ducks in a row and take the time to work out the best plan forward.

mm29 · May 2012

Edwina.McDunnough:
We also had multiple second and third and fourth opinions and we searched for a DE program for a year and it was still very hard to actually move forward. It's an difficult and emotional process even though you think you are prepared and rationally know it is the right step. It's normal to grieve the loss of a biological link.
Hugs!

Edwina, That is exactly how I feel! I know that DE is the rational step, but I am grieving the loss of ht biological link. Thank you for responding! I always enjoy/value your responses and advice!

Rachael07.07.07 · May 2012

I'm also of the mindset that it can't hurt to get another opinion. I know how frustrating breaks can be and this can maybe help speed it up? I'm sorry that you have to deal with this though. Why can't just one thing be easy?? Good luck with everything hun. (((hugs)))

Want a personalized experience?

WTF... (super long)

Re: WTF... (super long)

Choose Another Board

Search Boards