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anticipating BM's lack of planning

lily_721lily_721 member
in Blended Families

BM does not have CO visitation.  She frequently claims she can't afford plane fare.  She buys herself tons of things, vacations, etc.  Its not an issue. 

She will "announce" via SS1 that she is going to see him "next week."  She is supposed to discuss with DH but always tries to get SS1 to do it for her.  Never any mention of SS2 seeing her.  Last summer (and last visit), she "forgot" to buy SS1's plane ticket.  He was 17 then, and it was the only time that DH didn't check him in.  BM sent us flight info but didn't purchase the ticket.  She claimed her CC was maxed and wanted DH to "loan" it to her.

There hasn't been any mention of summer visitation.  School is out soon and the boys both have packed summer schedules.  This will be another set of issues with her. 

together since 2006
full time stepmom to SS1 and SS2 since 2010
married since 2011

TTC since 7/2011 (no planned bc since 2008)
HSG 11/2011: one blocked tube
S/A 2/2012 and retest S/A 3/2012: normal
Bloodwork: normal
2nd HSG 5/2012: clear
Femara cycle 5mg #1 7/14/12 + IUI #1 7/23/12 = bfn
New RE appt 8/14/12
IVF #1 meds 8/30/12. ER 9/14/2012: 7 retrieved, 6 fertilized. ET 9/19/12: 1 perfect embryo 5dt.
Beta #1 BFP! 97
Beta #2 234
Beta #3 4937
ultrasound #1 heart beat 127
10/20/12 graduated!!!
EDD 6/7/12
Team PINK!!

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Re: anticipating BM's lack of planning

  • jnjmommy0609jnjmommy0609
    Have you let her know of their busy summer. That way she can plan around that. Or is she as selfish as she seems and expects people to drop everything the second she says she will be there.
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  • fellesferiefellesferie member

    In an adult, I find it hard to believe that what you described is anything short of manipulation. 

    My XH isn't a planner. The past two summers I have sent him an email asking about his plans, and telling him what I have planned. Then I give him 4-6 weeks to have some input before I move forward with my plans. After that point, he can work his schedule around mine.

    Our CO entitles him to 6 weeks of parenting time, but it does not require me to put the lives of 4 people on hold while he sits on his butt. 

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  • CFjo2010CFjo2010 member
    imagefellesferie:

    In an adult, I find it hard to believe that what you described is anything short of manipulation. 

    My XH isn't a planner. The past two summers I have sent him an email asking about his plans, and telling him what I have planned. Then I give him 4-6 weeks to have some input before I move forward with my plans. After that point, he can work his schedule around mine.

    Our CO entitles him to 6 weeks of parenting time, but it does not require me to put the lives of 4 people on hold while he sits on his butt. 

    ^^ Amen to the bolded. 

    OP, I really think what Felles does with her XH id probably the best idea for you and your husband.  Give BM you summer schedule and tell her to let you know what timeframe works for her.  If/when she doen't respond, go forward with your plans.  She's manipulating the situation and you and your husband are letting her.  I don't mean to sound snarky, but it's the truth.  I think to an extent we're all guilty of letting BMs, XHs, BFs, manipulate the situation because we just want the kids to get as much time with both parents as possible.  It's time to stop the chaos.

    As for the failure to actually buy the airfare but represent that it had in fact been purchased: what a you-know-what.  I hope you guys didn't actually pay for the airfare,  She needs to grow up, be a mother and get her act together.

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