how to handle uncomfortable situations with other parents.

Obsession · May 2012

My son's therapies are at our local children's hospital and now that we've been going a few weeks, we are starting to recognize the faces of the other patients and their parents but I haven't made small talk with any of them yet.

Today we were in the little play area after our appointment and a little girl was talking to me. Her mom came over with maybe 3 seconds of small talk asked why we were there. I just smiled and said therapies. She then started volunteering a ton of info about her son and all the things that they were dealing with. Is that normal? I'm not comfortable with that.

Thankfully my son decided at that moment he wanted something so we said goodbye and left but how do I handle in the future?

ARJ11 · May 2012

I think you did the right thing by keeping it vague. I'm like you, I'm not comfortable sharing all of DS info and would have responded the same way. I would be friendly and listen if they wanted to talk about their kid, but if they press you for more info there is no harm in letting them know you aren't comfortable discussing it. Chances are, they didn't realize they were making you uncomfortable and will step back a little.

Obsession · May 2012

Man, auntie, you are so much nicer than I am. All I was thinking was I didn't want to know this woman's life story not that I could possibly help her. Good perspective

His(1&only)wife · May 2012

I have found since DS starting therapy that most of the parents are pretty open about what's going on. I think that when you are in the waiting room at a therapy clinic it's understood that your child is there for a reason. People are very accepting and just looking for someone who understands. Let's face it that's not always easy to come by the "real" world.

pawcall · May 2012

I think she was probably just trying to reach out. I know I find myself desperate to make connections with people who understand what I'm dealing with, and Aidan's specialist's office seems like a decent place for it.

I totally get not wanting to go into your private business though. I think you handled it appropriately - a vague answer, and don't offer details. When I'm not comfortable talking, I make myself look as unapproachable as possible - reading a book, headphones on, etc. When I'm with Aidan, I just stick close to him and talk to him constantly.

I do recommend that you consider opening up to the other families a bit. People who "get it" are a rare treat.

Justinlove · May 2012

-auntie-:

It's totally your right not to share, but you lose the opportunity to possibly connect with someone at a local level and share information.

I want to piggyback on this. I have been helped SO much by other people simply by sharing a little info about LA. There is a group of three of us who have kids in hippotherapy and our times overlap. By being open with each other, we have been able to learn about new and unique therapy opportunties, ways to save $$ (KB workshops, other grant opportunities, dealing with insurance), even little things like toddler gear swapping.

You don't have to share every little detail, but you might find some comradery in meeting other parents who are walking similar paths.

Obsession · May 2012

OH and just to make me look like a little more compassionate - I am totally open to speaking to people who I feel comfortable with. This woman didn't give me a chance at all to get comfortable with her - she just jumped right in which made me uncomfortable and not want to connect with her.

You have to warm me up with a bit of small talk first like how old is he, does he go to school, wow he has bright red hair! Something other than "why are you here."

realisticdreams · May 2012

Obsession:
Man, auntie, you are so much nicer than I am. All I was thinking was I didn't want to know this woman's life story not that I could possibly help her. Good perspective

We were at the Brook Road location today. I always *wonder* and sometimes make small talk but I've never been bold enough to straight up ask. I do think you have to look at it as them probably trying to feel accepted and know they are not alone. I think auntie hit the nail on the head.

The first time we went to the spina bifida clinic at brook road in January I did not notice they shared a waiting room with the dental clinic. P really was playing with this little girl and I noticed she had on little girl underwear, not a diaper. So I was of course instantly hopeful for Peyton and potty training. Lets just say when she told me she was there for the dentist I felt sick. It is weirdly comforting to be around moms of special needs kids, they just get it.

Also some of us (raises hand) deal with our kids diagnoses by talking about it.So it was probably therapeutic for her to just talk to you in general.

Assembly_Reqd · May 2012

Nate and I got cornered in the vending alcove at KKI once. It was a parent whose child goes to the Fairmount School. She was sharing a lot and had some questions about Nate and his hearing aids.

I think she was a bit disappointed we weren't an ASD family. She was nice though and her son was 11 or 12. I think she would have been a great resource.

Obsession · May 2012

realisticdreams:
Obsession:
Man, auntie, you are so much nicer than I am. All I was thinking was I didn't want to know this woman's life story not that I could possibly help her. Good perspective

We were at the Brook Road location today. I always *wonder* and sometimes make small talk but I've never been bold enough to straight up ask. I do think you have to look at it as them probably trying to feel accepted and know they are not alone. I think auntie hit the nail on the head.
The first time we went to the spina bifida clinic at brook road in January I did not notice they shared a waiting room with the dental clinic. P really was playing with this little girl and I noticed she had on little girl underwear, not a diaper. So I was of course instantly hopeful for Peyton and potty training. Lets just say when she told me she was there for the dentist I felt sick. It is weirdly comforting to be around moms of special needs kids, they just get it.
Also some of us (raises hand) deal with our kids diagnoses by talking about it.So it was probably therapeutic for her to just talk to you in general.

We were at Brook Road today too

realisticdreams · May 2012

Obsession:
realisticdreams:
Obsession:
Man, auntie, you are so much nicer than I am. All I was thinking was I didn't want to know this woman's life story not that I could possibly help her. Good perspective

We were at the Brook Road location today. I always *wonder* and sometimes make small talk but I've never been bold enough to straight up ask. I do think you have to look at it as them probably trying to feel accepted and know they are not alone. I think auntie hit the nail on the head.
The first time we went to the spina bifida clinic at brook road in January I did not notice they shared a waiting room with the dental clinic. P really was playing with this little girl and I noticed she had on little girl underwear, not a diaper. So I was of course instantly hopeful for Peyton and potty training. Lets just say when she told me she was there for the dentist I felt sick. It is weirdly comforting to be around moms of special needs kids, they just get it.
Also some of us (raises hand) deal with our kids diagnoses by talking about it.So it was probably therapeutic for her to just talk to you in general.
We were at Brook Road today too

dang it! lol

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