We're home! Long and advice requested.

CantWait2Be · May 2012

Ds finally got discharged yesterday. He still has a catheter in which drains into a diaper. We have him double diapered. One to catch poo, the other his catheter is directed to. He also still has he pen rose drain out his side which was supposed to be able to come out before we left but he was still leaking. They took his stent out Monday (was originally supposed to be in for at least 3 weeks to allow the ureter to heal) because his ureter was still swollen. They thought maybe the stent was irritating his ureter, and it was contributing to the leaking from his side since it came from his bladder, up ureter, through kidney and out his side. He's happy and playing as usual. Only mad during diaper or dressing change or taking meds. He's not on pain med anymore, just antibiotic. We go for an ultrasound and urology app next tuesday and go from there. Ideally his ureter won't be swollen anymore and we can get the drain and catheter out. If its still swollen we may have to get a new stent put in or they may have to consider other options or do other studies to figure out what's going on. Please pray he he now healing appropriately and doesn't have any more issues or scarring etc from the stent being taken out when it was. Please pray that he heals perfectly like he should so this surgery is a complete success.

To top things off I can't go back to work till he has no drains etc because they won't take him at daycare. Yet daycare wants to be paid for the time he medically can't come. The doc wrote a note saying he should be excused without having to pay because of the circumstances. Not sure the daycare lady will give a damn bc when I called to say he wasn't coming back this week she said we used up our vacation time and that's all we got. (I used the vacation time last week while in hospital and a few other days for doc appts). She is only concerned with running her business and that's all. Would you bother giving the doc note? We should have paid last Thursday for this week and next but didn't make a special trip just to pay when we're not otherwise over there and he was still in the hospital. Wwyd in this situation?

kmv68 · May 2012

Glad you are home and hope the recovery is speedy!

When DD1 had her urinary reflux surgery/bladder construction between hospital and time home we missed 3 weeks of daycare. We went to a center that states that you are paying for a spot regardless of whether or not your child is there. The manager did talk to the director and they gave us one week of the 3 to not have to pay (with a doc note, even though the note said 3 weeks) but they did not have to even do that.

As ridiculous as it seems to pay someone to watch your child when they clearly can't be there and you are missing work too (I was unpaid those 3 weeks myself) but they are running a business and they look at it like "those are 3 weeks I could have had another baby in here paying". I would give the note anyway, no harm in doing so.

DaisyJanie · May 2012

Thinking of your DS! Hope he's able to get his tubes out soon.

Unfortunately, I think we would have to pay for daycare even if my son was out for medical reasons. We don't even get vacation days. I understand it, because it's not like they can watch another kid while mine is gone to make up the money.

MrsSparklesMcGee · May 2012

I'll be sending lots of healing thoughts your little boy's way. Hope he makes a quick and complete recovery!

Unfortunately, I agree with the pps. It sucks, but I think you have to pay. You can try to give them the doctor's note, but I doubt it will change anything. When E was in daycare, we didn't even get any vacation days.

CantWait2Be · May 2012

Okay about giving the note, would you mail it or give it in person? We won't be stopping by there until ds is able to go back. We plan to unhapliy pay for the time he was gone and whatever else is owed for the two weeks we pay at a time when we come back. At that point I don't see the note doing any good. It's not like she'll reimburse us. And I don't expect her to take ds back until we do pay. We won't have an update on his return till Tuesday and then he may be able to go back the following day. When I spoke to her Saturday i just told her I would update when we knew more. After all of this ds and I are seriously considering changing daycares. We would have to give two weeks paid notice if/when we leave this one.

Sunidaze · May 2012

CantWait2Be:
Okay about giving the note, would you mail it or give it in person? We won't be stopping by there until ds is able to go back. We plan to unhapliy pay for the time he was gone and whatever else is owed for the two weeks we pay at a time when we come back. At that point I don't see the note doing any good. It's not like she'll reimburse us. And I don't expect her to take ds back until we do pay. We won't have an update on his return till Tuesday and then he may be able to go back the following day. When I spoke to her Saturday i just told her I would update when we knew more. After all of this ds and I are seriously considering changing daycares. We would have to give two weeks paid notice if/when we leave this one.

I don't mean to sound mean...but why? Do you use in-home or a center? This is how most daycares are run, and quite often private out of the home as well. They are a business, a business that costs money to run. And their sick policy was on our list of questions when we checked out daycares. We actually got a 'freebie' last week since Stella picked up hand foot and mouth from daycare, but I fully anticipated having to pay.

MrsPBNJ0220 · May 2012

Maybe because I'm a SAHM, I think that is insane to have to pay for daycare that your child can not use. Whether most daycares run this way or not, I would likely look for another daycare as well. Either that or I would make sure to send my child in the next time they are contagious and tell them that we don't want to pay for something we aren't using, and when everyone else gets sick that's their problem. Okay so I'm just kidding about that. Really I am just joking, I can see the flames coming now. I would not really do that, but I can see why that would make someone want to do that. Even our local gym allows you to be excused for your fees and stop your membership with a Dr.'s note.

I have zero advice, just that I am sorry they are being like that and I would send the note. As for the catheter I was going to ask, did they have you feed it outside of the diaper or cut a hole through the diaper? If they had you cut it through the first diaper, I would suggest you feed it outside the first and then into the second by the leg. Otherwise the gel stuff will clog the catheter and then that is a pain, more of a pain than you need with eveyrthing else going on. Good Luck and I hope your LO feels better soon.

CantWait2Be · May 2012

Ms pbj. They were cutting holes in the hospital and on our last day one of the nurses suggested feeding the tube outside the first diaper and taping it down. We've been doing that since. Much less messy. Yes we had issues with the gel crystals.

Im not sure I feel comfortable returning to this daycare after all of this. We've considered leaving before and this might just be the straw breaking the camels back. I understand needing to run the business but she runs the daycare out of the lower level of her house. My son isn't there to contribute to the expense. Heck we provide everything for him anyways, she just provides the one staff person. I don't know I didn't feel any compassion or I'm sorry of what you're going through when I talked to her. And wether we have to pay or not, I want to feel like the person cares.

SarahKate31 · May 2012

CantWait2Be:
And wether we have to pay or not, I want to feel like the person cares.

I think this part is very important. My DS in is an in-home DC and we still pay for when he's out sick. If he's out a whole week, we only pay half (which hasn't happened yet, but I think it's nice compared to paying full price). It sucks to pay when DS isn't there, but I look at it like tuition. If I pay tuition for a class, I don't get reimbursed for days I miss. BUT, my DCP loves DS and we love her. She asks about DS when he's sick and is so happy to see him when he comes back. It makes a difference, IMO.

MrsPBNJ0220 · May 2012

CantWait2Be:

Ms pbj. They were cutting holes in the hospital and on our last day one of the nurses suggested feeding the tube outside the first diaper and taping it down. We've been doing that since. Much less messy. Yes we had issues with the gel crystals.

Im not sure I feel comfortable returning to this daycare after all of this. We've considered leaving before and this might just be the straw breaking the camels back. I understand needing to run the business but she runs the daycare out of the lower level of her house. My son isn't there to contribute to the expense. Heck we provide everything for him anyways, she just provides the one staff person. I don't know I didn't feel any compassion or I'm sorry of what you're going through when I talked to her. And wether we have to pay or not, I want to feel like the person cares.

Okay, that's good. I'm glad she spoke up. I know all the way up until the surgery they were saying to cut holes as well. Then when we got there a nurse said that another patient told them about the gel crystals, so she said to do the same thing you said, except we didn't tape it down. Much better idea though because we had it slip out a few times!

Good Luck with the daycare situation. Again I hope your LO feels better quickly!

slstine19 · May 2012

If it was me and I felt like DC had no compassion of what me and my child were going through, I would look elsewhere. My DC is a stay at home mom that was a former student and anytime DS has been sick she has been so sweet about hoping he feels better soon. She also requested updates when DS was in his surgery. I just felt like she cared and that helps alot when you are going through so much already. JMHO.

mari_gold · May 2012

MrsPBNJ0220:
Maybe because I'm a SAHM, I think that is insane to have to pay for daycare that your child can not use. Whether most daycares run this way or not, I would likely look for another daycare as well. Either that or I would make sure to send my child in the next time they are contagious and tell them that we don't want to pay for something we aren't using, and when everyone else gets sick that's their problem. Okay so I'm just kidding about that. Really I am just joking, I can see the flames coming now. I would not really do that, but I can see why that would make someone want to do that. Even our local gym allows you to be excused for your fees and stop your membership with a Dr.'s note.

I have zero advice, just that I am sorry they are being like that and I would send the note. As for the catheter I was going to ask, did they have you feed it outside of the diaper or cut a hole through the diaper? If they had you cut it through the first diaper, I would suggest you feed it outside the first and then into the second by the leg. Otherwise the gel stuff will clog the catheter and then that is a pain, more of a pain than you need with eveyrthing else going on. Good Luck and I hope your LO feels better soon.

Re: daycare: People don't run child care as a public service, it's business/income. When you sign up, they give your child a slot that they then can't give to another child. They can't randomly pull a child in if a parent decides not to send the baby for a week or two. It has nothing to do with caring or paying for services you haven't received; it's a business model nearly all child-care providers follow. Especially if you're taking about an in-home service, she may NEED her full income.

OP, I'm so glad to hear your baby is doing well. Fingers crossed the ureter issues resolve.

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