So I am the devil SM again...

socloudy99 · May 2012

As usual things can only go well with SD16 for so long. She gets UPSET about things that I don't even think twice about and always brings it up to my H once she is home. This isn't an complaint only explaining that I don't know their is a problem at the time.
SD12 and SD16 had on really short shorts when we picked them up on Friday. I said their shorts were too short and don't represent them as the person they are.
What did SD16 hear? I called her a slut, am disrespectful, and hate her. My H also doesn't care about her because he didn't defend her.
I swear I can't deal with her dramatic flips anymore. She is mentally and emotionally abusive and uses this as a form of control.
I also told her how much fun I had with her over the weekend and what a sweet young lady she has become. Jokes on me! I guess she doesn't remember that.
In the past this would have upset me but now I am just slightly pissed and will be over it soon. She has pulled these stunts too many times. Over it!

Holly_1007 · May 2012

sounds like a typical 16 yo tbh. good for you for not letting it get to you.... we are already establishing "rules" with regards to clothes for SD. her mom dresses her like a skank, we are teaching SD to think better of herself and dress appropriately.

xmaryrickx · May 2012

I think that is a normal reaction for a 16 yo girl. At least the part of her taking what you said and reading into it that you thought she looked slutty. Because lets face it, you didn't bring up her too short shorts because they looked like they belonged on Little House on the Prarie. Sometimes I wonder what angels everyone on this board were when they were teens. That would have likely been damn near close to my reaction had my mother said that to me.

hopanka · May 2012

I agree with Mary...it seems like you were implying she was dressed like a slut. When you are a teen, your self confidence is shaky anyway, so im not surprised it upset her

CFjo2010 · May 2012

Pretty sure when I was 16, I thought my mom was calling me a slut every day. She would tell me my dress was too short, my shorts were too short, my skirts were too short, etc everytime I walked down the stairs. I hated her for it, but I also knew complaining to my Dad wouldn't do any good.

Teenagers are manipulative by nature. We were all there. Teenagers in blended families are way ahead of the game because now when one parent makes them unhappy (Dad, SM, BM, SD) they have 3 other parents to complain to. And more than likely, at least one of those other parents has some guilt and will "side" with the teen. Don't get mad at yourself, or DH or even SD. This is all normal behavior.

AmberMH08 · May 2012

this scares me my SD is almost 8 and already had these flips... and twists things into getting me into trouble... she has even went to the extent of telling BM i choked her... I hate tip toeing and im pretty sure it will only get worse ooo shoot me being a Step mom SUCKS sometimes...

Hope it all gets better for you soon but at least she is 16 and almost 18 which means less forced contact may make less of a conflict for every1 for you

Littlejen22 · May 2012

Yup, normal response and 95% of teens are probably Abusive to their parents. The difference honestly is that your SD is your SD, I will admit that as bad as it sounds I know I will have more patience for my DD when she is a teen bc ther is an unconditional love. Teens suck and teen girls are the worst.

karatechrissy · May 2012

Have you heard that country song, I think it's called 'teenage daughters'. It's really funny. Miranda Lambert I think sings it? (watch ill be wrong on both those things haha). Listen, laugh, and just let it roll. She will understand SOMEDAY. No time soon, but someday... Lol.

MarSamWhitney · May 2012

jobalchak:

Pretty sure when I was 16, I thought my mom was calling me a slut every day. She would tell me my dress was too short, my shorts were too short, my skirts were too short, etc everytime I walked down the stairs. I hated her for it, but I also knew complaining to my Dad wouldn't do any good.

Teenagers are manipulative by nature. We were all there. Teenagers in blended families are way ahead of the game because now when one parent makes them unhappy (Dad, SM, BM, SD) they have 3 other parents to complain to. And more than likely, at least one of those other parents has some guilt and will "side" with the teen. Don't get mad at yourself, or DH or even SD. This is all normal behavior.

All of this is well said, and I tottally agree w/ the bolded part. In the 16 yo's mild, she heard it all wrong. Next time if i were you, I probably wouldnt say a word.

Ilumine · May 2012

Not for nothing, but you DID imply that her clothing choice was inappropriate. And given there are only a handful of wong ways to go with inappropriate clothing for women - it makes you look fat, it makes you look old, it makes you look like a whore/slut, it makes you look like you are tyring to be younnger than you are (a subset of slut), OF COURSE SHE IS GOING TO BE OFFENDED.

So I am not sure how you are surprised by her response? You started it.

Look, my SS is the posterboy for taking an innocent comment and running with it and then making a pointed comment into WWIII. So I get it.

But I also totally get that what I say is just as important in the formula too.

Phantomgirl · May 2012

Sometimes in life you can be your own worst enemy.

Wahoo · May 2012

Next time let your H be the bad guy. Either he can tell them to change their shorts (and be the disrespectful hater), or let them go out looking like Daisy Duke. Apparently, he still "hates" her b/c he didn't defend SDs desire to wear shorts so high.

Only comment if their clothing is not appropriate for where you are going (for example, a church, a nice place for dinner).

socloudy99 · May 2012

Thanks ladies!

I was saying (and think) their shorts are inappropriate. I was not making a comment on how they conduct themselves. I do hear what you are saying and I am sure as a teen I heard things different then intended. My comment was more intended that she looks older then she is when dressed this way and I don't want 20 year old men hitting on her. With her "teen" self esteem she would like it and may get herself into trouble.

I have been of the mind that I would rather talk about these things "in house" to prepare them for the outside world. I have felt it was our responsiblity to make them aware of the effect of their choices (i'm not saying this right, i hope you KWIM).

Our relationship was on a good road and I guess I let my guard down and spoke to her openly. It was my mistake and she reminded me. She is an overall good kid and I in know way think she is a slut so I learned my lesson.

As far as myself as a teen......I was the worst. I was also allowed to do anything I wanted by throwing a fit. I am lucky (literally) I didn't end up in jail or dead. I am sure this is part of the reason I made the comment.

Thanks again ladies! I need to remember to toss things around in my mind before they come out of my mouth.

Also Littlejen you are 100% right. I just want to make it through the teen years with a relationship and not hurting DHs relationship with his children. I do understand this is a big part of it.

lily_721 · May 2012

socloudy ~

I have two teenage stepsons. I thank them frequently for being boys. I can't even imagine trying to have girls. I am frequently by the clothes the girls are wearing to my boys' school. She is probably not going to listen and will be angry that you said it. I was mad at my mom all the time about my clothes. They won't know its not OK unless someone tells them.

SS1 and SS2 wanted to wear shorts in the winter. They wanted to go without jackets. No, its not appropriate because its too cold. Whining and crying how I was SSSOOOO mean and I hated them.

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So I am the devil SM again...

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