Do you think we should TTC#2?

Princess_Lily · May 2012

Would you TTC #2?

A little background.

DS will be 3 this month, and I am 32yo. DH, DS and I live in a 2/2 and we are quite tight in our cozy 1,000sqft. TH.

Jobwise, we both have very stable jobs even in this economy...DH has even gotten a raise recently.

We are in the process of purging to make more room. Our problem is inproper organization, so we just have a lot of clutter in certain areas. We are what you know as "Hidey Hoarders," on the outside our rooms are pretty clutter free/organized, but if you look inside our closets its just a lot of clothing, and crap. So we are in the process of cleaning out.

Sadly, due to the economy, we are unable to sell or rent our house to break even since we bought our TH in the height of the market.

Therefore, we are here for a while...until we could at least break even. Until then our home is in an excellent school system, and a quiet neighborhood. So we have to look at it as the glass is half full. The house has a lot of cosmetic issues that we are slowly working to update, but that costs us both time and money...so its taking a long time.

I'm not getting any younger, and as DS gets older he wants to play more with us...but its times like those I wish he had a sibling in his life.

Would you try for #2, and just upon birth cosleep until #2 sleeps through the night (for the most part), and then move him/her to the 2nd Bedroom with DS?
Are kids resiliant to sleeping together/sharing space?

Unknown · May 2012

This content has been removed.

jenn&tim05 · May 2012

I dont agree with poster above, if you feel like you can fit it into your life right now then by all means go for it. Youll adapt & there is nothing wrong with having a crib in your room for a while if needed. & my 3yr old can sleep through a tornado.....so once the 2nd one is STN i wouldn't hesitate putting them together. GL to you!

KdgTeacher · May 2012

jenn&tim05:
I dont agree with poster above, if you feel like you can fit it into your life right now then by all means go for it. Youll adapt & there is nothing wrong with having a crib in your room for a while if needed. & my 3yr old can sleep through a tornado.....so once the 2nd one is STN i wouldn't hesitate putting them together. GL to you!

You don't agree this isn't a question to ask internet strangers?

NJMom050911 · May 2012

I'm currently in the process of a renovation and addition on our home and I'm staying with my parents until it's done. I'm bedsharing with my son and we both love it. It will be hard, and sad, to move him into his own room but we will survive. If you want to add another child into your life I would go for it. There will never be the perfect, right timing. If you are doing well and can afford another one, you will find room. Good Luck!

Princess_Lily · May 2012

I'm just trying to gauge how others would handle our situation. DH & I are on the fence about TTC based on our living circumstances. The economy has improved, but not where we could move. I'm afraid if we leave it up to the date in which we could sell this place...I will have waited to long, and I'm afraid of a missed opportunity for my child to have a sibling.

I'm just curious how others would handle this situation? I know its a personal decision, and I know there is never the "right time"...but I'm concerned about throwing caution to the wind moreso than I did before DS was born. Not sure why.

Southernpeach80 · May 2012

CLECyclist:
slightlyslapdash:
I think that this is something that you and YH really need to decide for yourselves.

I agree with this. This is not a life decision I would weigh on the opinions of strangers.

I completely agree with PP. You shouldn't base a life decision on what strangers say. Only you and your husband will know the answer to this.

BlueEyedDreamer · May 2012

CLECyclist:
slightlyslapdash:
I think that this is something that you and YH really need to decide for yourselves.

I agree with this. This is not a life decision I would weigh on the opinions of strangers.

What is wrong with getting some outside perspectives and then deciding for herself with her husband? There are some posters who have come on here asking "Should I TTC - we have no health insurance and I just lost my job." No one has any problem giving them advice. Maybe some of these people need a wake up call or a different perspective. It doesn't mean they won't still decide on their own.

OP, personally, I wouldn't TTC in your situation because the space issue would drive me absolutely insane.

Have you calculated how long it will be until you are no longer underwater with your TH? Are you saving up for a down payment on a new home?

Princess_Lily · May 2012

BlueEyedDreamer:
CLECyclist:
slightlyslapdash:
I think that this is something that you and YH really need to decide for yourselves.

I agree with this. This is not a life decision I would weigh on the opinions of strangers.
What is wrong with getting some outside perspectives and then deciding for herself with her husband? There are some posters who have come on here asking "Should I TTC - we have no health insurance and I just lost my job." No one has any problem giving them advice. Maybe some of these people need a wake up call or a different perspective. It doesn't mean they won't still decide on their own.
OP, personally, I wouldn't TTC in your situation because the space issue would drive me absolutely insane.
Have you calculated how long it will be until you are no longer underwater with your TH? Are you saving up for a down payment on a new home?

We are not sure how long it will be until we break even on a sale or rental.

We are not underwater (ie. foreclosure). We are all up-to-date on our mortgage payments, insurance, etc. and continue to be. If we were to sell now, we would have to have a short sale, and the rental prices running currently do not cover the cost of the mortgage, insurance etc. We are in the process of saving. The loss is quite high if we were to short sale ($100,000+)

We also have full health insurance through our jobs.

Emma61210 · May 2012

slightlyslapdash:
I think that this is something that you and YH really need to decide for yourselves.

this.

CiderWench · May 2012

Princess_Lily:
I'm just trying to gauge how others would handle our situation. DH & I are on the fence about TTC based on our living circumstances. The economy has improved, but not where we could move. I'm afraid if we leave it up to the date in which we could sell this place...I will have waited to long, and I'm afraid of a missed opportunity for my child to have a sibling.

I'm just curious how others would handle this situation? I know its a personal decision, and I know there is never the "right time"...but I'm concerned about throwing caution to the wind moreso than I did before DS was born. Not sure why.

I would probably go ahead and try for a second, but I wouldn't feel comfortable saying that decision is right for you or anybody else. You can give us information about your situation but none of us really knows it. It really is a personal decision.

As far as space concerns go, I don't see an issue adding one more child. And I find nothing wrong with children sharing rooms, especially when they are under ten.

kerrbear72 · May 2012

If all that is holding you back truly is an ideal and separate space for #2, I say go for it. Many people have done it before you. If you're using the space issue as a cover for other concerns, hold off.

BlueEyedDreamer · May 2012

slightlyslapdash:
I wouldn't do it on a board like this. If I needed help figuring out something like this - I'd go to a professional with DH. This is a major life decision. So many factors go into it; There's no way I could honestly answer something like this, so I gave my opinion. I wasn't trying to be rude at all. Only the people involved can really make this decision and if they need a different perspective, going to see a professional about it might help. If they don't want to do that, then she needs to sit down with her H (if she hasn't already) and discuss everything. Only they will know what is right for them.
Also, I've never commented on one of those "no health insurance no job" questions. They're generally fishing posts.

I see what you're saying, slaps, but nowhere in the post did she say "I commit to go with the most popular answer given by you lovely internet strangers, despite what my husband and I really think." Others may be able to point out options or perspectives that she and her husband hadn't considered. And then you're right: based on all the info that they could gather, only they can decide what's right for them.

And I think this board is a legitimate place for the question because it's not just a matter of finances - it's about your lifestyle and parenting when having kids and TTC in a smaller home. There are plenty of ladies here who had to decide whether and when to TTC#2 and they may have useful advice based on their experiences.

kelly321 · May 2012

kerrbear72:
If all that is holding you back truly is an ideal and separate space for #2, I say go for it. Many people have done it before you. If you're using the space issue as a cover for other concerns, hold off.

This. We only have 1 extra bedroom which is DD's right now. When #2 comes along, s/he will co-sleep for a while (I'm not going to say until s/he's STTN because DD still isn't and she's 13 months. No way am I keeping #2 in our room that long) and then be put in DD's room. I'm willing to put up to 3 children in that room while they're still small. If we have more than 3 or when they start to get older, then we'll need to move to a bigger place. Hopefully we already will have by that time anyway.

My point is - only having 1 kids' bedroom is, in my mind, not a reason to hold of TTC#2. Just my 2 cents, though.

BlueEyedDreamer · May 2012

Princess_Lily:

We are not sure how long it will be until we break even on a sale or rental.
We are not underwater (ie. foreclosure). We are all up-to-date on our mortgage payments, insurance, etc. and continue to be. If we were to sell now, we would have to have a short sale, and the rental prices running currently do not cover the cost of the mortgage, insurance etc. We are in the process of saving. The loss is quite high if we were to short sale ($100,000+)
We also have full health insurance through our jobs.

Being underwater = owing more on your mortgage than your home is worth. For example, your mortgage is for $200,000 but your home is only worth $150,000.

I would take a look at how long it would take you to get the point when you would break even (no longer be underwater by paying your mortgage down). You may want to see how close you will get to breaking even by the time you will really want a larger place. It make work to have two babies in that small of a space, but that may change as they get older. GL to you.

jenn&tim05 · May 2012

BlueEyedDreamer:
slightlyslapdash:
I wouldn't do it on a board like this. If I needed help figuring out something like this - I'd go to a professional with DH. This is a major life decision. So many factors go into it; There's no way I could honestly answer something like this, so I gave my opinion. I wasn't trying to be rude at all. Only the people involved can really make this decision and if they need a different perspective, going to see a professional about it might help. If they don't want to do that, then she needs to sit down with her H (if she hasn't already) and discuss everything. Only they will know what is right for them.
Also, I've never commented on one of those "no health insurance no job" questions. They're generally fishing posts.
I see what you're saying, slaps, but nowhere in the post did she say "I commit to go with the most popular answer given by you lovely internet strangers, despite what my husband and I really think." Others may be able to point out options or perspectives that she and her husband hadn't considered. And then you're right: based on all the info that they could gather, only they can decide what's right for them.
And I think this board is a legitimate place for the question because it's not just a matter of finances - it's about your lifestyle and parenting when having kids and TTC in a smaller home. There are plenty of ladies here who had to decide whether and when to TTC#2 and they may have useful advice based on their experiences.

Agreed! I hoped to be giving useful advice - not a response that a certain question shouldn't be asked bc its a personal situation. Its a question I would ask more than just my DH....any perspective is good to hear. Good or bad.

AshQuackers · May 2012

CLECyclist:
slightlyslapdash:
I think that this is something that you and YH really need to decide for yourselves.

I agree with this. This is not a life decision I would weigh on the opinions of strangers.

I agree with these ladies. Absolutely not a questions for strangers!

kleigh926 · May 2012

slightlyslapdash:
If DH and I couldn't come to an agreement about something as major as this, I would think we'd go to a counselor to talk it over. But to be honest, I don't know, I've never had a problem talking over decisions with DH, so I've never looked into it.
Like I said, I was only giving my opinion before. There are so many variables that go into this decision, there's no way for us to know if they should try for #2 or not.
Would you want to be responsible if, in a few years, she comes back yelling at this board for giving her bad advice about bringing or not bringing another child into this world?
You gave your opinion (and experience) on the situation. What's wrong with me giving mine? I was not being mean. I really do think that it's something that should be decided between a husband and wife - no matter what the rest of the world thinks.

I actually couldn't care less if someone came back blaming me/this board for giving her bad advice, because that's ridiculous. Everyone is responsible for their own actions. Me giving someone advice doesn't mean they HAVE to take that advice.

OP, personally, I would probably start TTC only if I was fairly certain we'd be able to move into a bigger space within the next couple of years. We live in a 960 square foot home. I have no problem with kids sharing a room. But the rooms are small, and I wouldn't want to be in that situation with no end in sight.

BioGirl21 · May 2012

I wouldn't hesitate to TTC #2 if space was the only issue. My family lived in <1000 sf rentals until I was 10 and my brother and I shared a room. We turned out perfectly fine. As long as space is truly the only issue and you aren't using it as a cover for a bigger issue then I would go ahead if I were you.

Wannalitter · May 2012

If space is the only issue, I'd go for it. My son's crib was in our living room for his first 2 months just because it was easier for us and he slept better in there than in our room or his nursery.

I fully understand asking for other opinions. Clearly you're not going to make decision based on what stangers think you should do but getting food for thought from people in the same life phase is a perfectly logical way to add depth to a conversation about a serious life decision. Not gathering more information and finding different ways to think about it would be stupid.

mamainseptember · May 2012

I agree if space is the only issue then go for it. We are currently living with my parents while were waiting on a short sale to go through and DS who is 21 months is in with us. It really isn't a problem, it's been like this since January. I say go for it!

Princess_Lily · May 2012

Thank you so much ladies for the helpful conversation. I do appreciate everyone taking the time to discuss you thoughts, good and bad.

While TTC is a personal matter, IMHO it also isn't something that shouldn't be taken so lightly. Many are correct, maybe there were somethings we have not considered that would make our decision a much more solid one, however that doesn't seem to be the case here.

In this situation, much like others TTC (or not TTC), it seems as that this decision in this case is more of a personal preference of what one couple may be comfortable with doing or not doing.

Brie2006 · May 2012

If I were you, I would do it. You will most likely never regret having another child but you might regret missing your window to do so while you try to find the perfect house.

tinamorgan · May 2012

SweetC80:

I am not going to attempt to answer your question for many reasons, mainly you shouldn't be asking internet strangers this question.

However, I wanted to say that Alexander Skarsgard is probably the hottest man who walks this earth and I wanted to thank you for your siggy.

All of this!! Especially the bold print!

Amusjh · May 2012

If you are ready, I say go for it. As for the space, you will adapt with what you need. We have a 1 bedroom small house. We have made our walk-in closet LO's bedroom. While this isn't our ideal situation, we are ready to have our 2nd. With time, we hope to be able to find our perfect house! HTH.

BeagleBub · May 2012

Amusjh:
If you are ready, I say go for it. As for the space, you will adapt with what you need. We have a 1 bedroom small house. We have made our walk-in closet LO's bedroom. While this isn't our ideal situation, we are ready to have our 2nd. With time, we hope to be able to find our perfect house! HTH.

So where do you keep your clothes?

Albah · May 2012

Sounds like you are both considering your ages and space in order to make a decision. If I were in your situation, I would also think about how long you project the home issue to continue as well as the finances that come along with baby #2. Plus, age of DS would also be of importance to us (we personally didn't want them too far apart). I can only advice for you and your husband to sit down and set your priorities. Personally, a 2/2 home would be manageable for our family of 4 if we had to do it for some time. Is it something you and your husband can deal with? That's a question you both need to answer. Good luck!

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