"don't be a hero" and "don't be a martyr"...

beck8008 · May 2012

what is it with my mom's generation? At my last shower I got a lot of these comments from family members/neighbors/etc.. these ladies are all in their 50s. I didn't even mention that I'm hoping for a natural birth, but many of them still said things like "don't be a hero, take the meds" and "you don't need to be a martyr"... did everyone from that era get an epidural? I just told them that I'm going to do my best and go as long as I can before I would take any meds.... it's just weird to me...

phq2011 · May 2012

Yes, medication was excessively common up until the late 60's/ early 70's, and didn't really die down until the 80's. Don't worry too much, it wasn't uncommon.

lizzybean · May 2012

Thats interesting that you mention that, because my Mom, Aunt, and MIL all had natural births and are what inspired me to go the natural birth route. It could be because they are in Canada and birth isn't the "big business" it is in the States, though.

Those are the worst comments though. I dont know why people cant just accept that everyone should do whats best for them!

WhitMN24 · May 2012

I just heard in my childbirth class last weekend that currently 90% of women in NYC hospitals get epidurals...I haven't checked that statistic, but I was the only one in the class who expressed any surprise at the rate. So, it's not just the older generation....

Blackrose1918 · May 2012

Yes. Medication was used excessively, sometimes forced, along with other forms of intervention. It wasn't uncommon for a woman to be completely unaware of what was going on around her. My mom is 63, gave birth to my older siblings in the late 60s and mid 70s, and then me in 85, so she had a wealth of experience with all of it. From what I understand, she was given episiotomies and drugs for each of the 3 older kids without a choice in the matter and had an uphill battle with the nurses, even though she used a midwife with me, in order to have a natural birth.

footnotegirl · May 2012

Not just epidurals, many of them were put in twilight sleep. My mom was for two of her five children.

xnbride · May 2012

I think it is probably because they lack the information about epidurals. I can see where they are coming from. There is a medicine to help make labor less painful, well sounds like a good idea. But when you look at the pros and cons of taking the medication it changes things. It is not as simple as they assume it to be. There are all sorts of factors that come into play when augmenting labor and sometimes the epidural helps and sometimes it harms. But most women from their generation may be unfamiliar with the topic and just assume that everyone should get one.

I know I am preaching to the choir, but we all know that labor is a natural process and not a medical condition to be medicated, augmented and interfered with. Yes, sometimes those things are needed but it tends to go much better when we allow our bodies to do what they need to do naturally and it isn't about being superwoman or a martyr, it just makes sense.

FyreFlyeRush · May 2012

Yep! My mom is telling me that. Which is nuts to me, as she delivered me naturally in The Netherlands, and had a failed epidural with my sister in the States. I think the drama of my sister's birth is still bugging her. Preeclampsia, magnesium sulfate, faile epidural, shoulder distocia, a 9lbs baby who had to go to the NICU for inhaling meconium.

She was present at DD's birth, and while long with a blink and you'll miss it finish, it was an easy birth. She even said, "FFR just never looked like she was in that much pain, and then her water broke and I went @:&$:)/&/&!!!!"

anna7602 · May 2012

Yes, got these comments from a lot of people, too. Even after giving birth (med-free), I got "why did you go the martyr route?" It's a strange way to look at my personal choice to give birth as naturally as possible. Are there really people who go med-free simply for the bragging rights and no other inspiration whatsover? I doubt it.

cyclek8bride · May 2012

Blackrose1918:
Yes. Medication was used excessively, sometimes forced, along with other forms of intervention. It wasn't uncommon for a woman to be completely unaware of what was going on around her. My mom is 63, gave birth to my older siblings in the late 60s and mid 70s, and then me in 85, so she had a wealth of experience with all of it. From what I understand, she was given episiotomies and drugs for each of the 3 older kids without a choice in the matter and had an uphill battle with the nurses, even though she used a midwife with me, in order to have a natural birth.

My mum was an rn and decided to have her babies awake. She said they didn't give an epidural they did knock you out. She had her first in 59 and was put under for that one. She thought the doctor was so stupid because she came into to hospital and was a half an hour for the baby being born. Next time around she found a doc who respected her NB choices. She had 9 more babies awake. (including a pair of twins.)

kenna_4 · May 2012

lizzybean:

Thats interesting that you mention that, because my Mom, Aunt, and MIL all had natural births and are what inspired me to go the natural birth route. It could be because they are in Canada and birth isn't the "big business" it is in the States, though.

Those are the worst comments though. I dont know why people cant just accept that everyone should do whats best for them!

This. Everybody looked at me like I was wimp for having an epi last time. Now I'm thinking, if my mom can do it so can I!

MrsFelts · May 2012

anna7602:
Yes, got these comments from a lot of people, too. Even after giving birth (med-free), I got "why did you go the martyr route?" It's a strange way to look at my personal choice to give birth as naturally as possible. Are there really people who go med-free simply for the bragging rights and no other inspiration whatsover? I doubt it.

I couldn't agree with your last comment more. Women don't decide to go natural for bragging rights. It's not just so we can say we did it. It's because we believe it's the best for us and the baby. I'm due in November and aim to have a natural birth with a midwife at a birth center. My in-laws are still very on the fence about it and keep asking "But why? You can just get an epidural at the hospital."