NBR - Deciding to find out boy/girl or not?

RockyMtnMama · May 2012

If you were in our shoes would you find out the sex of the baby?

Think like us...we've already had two kids. Didn't find out the sex of either before birth. First time my DH was the one to announce it was a boy and it was very sweet. Second time it was anti-climactic only b/c baby was breech and we saw all the goods for like 15 min before the head. So nobody said anything, but we all knew.

This baby was a surprise (not planned) and it's been a little hard for DH and I to bond with him/her. This time we are leaning toward a surprise, but a little more 60/40 instead of 100% sure. What would you do? Stick to the surprise or cave and find out if it's a boy/girl?

[Poll]

LindseyJW · May 2012

we were TG wtih both, too.

with #1, we were TG b/c i wanted to be and i really wanted DH to announce the gender. we ended up in the OR and i had a c/s and nothing went according to plan. either the doc announced, or i saw, but either way it wasn't the romantic scene i had envisioned. btw, the entire pg, DH really wanted to know.

with #2, i think DH wanted that romantic experience that i'd envisioned with #1. we were planning an hbac all along, and since i "won" with #1, DH "won" with #2 and we stayed TG

we are on the fence with #3, but if there is a #3, we will likely be TG again. why not! we have been all this time!

jennyann28 · May 2012

I could never tell you what will be right for you. For us, we wanted to find out what we were having, and it was so exciting to tell everyone we were having a girl after our 20 week anatomy scan.

More than just being exciting though, it did really help us bond with her. I already was, and DH was excited, but knowing she was a she made it so much more REAL. We prepared things for HER, we could imagine HER in our lives, we wondered what SHE would look like. She wasn't just "the baby" anymore, it was our daughter in there.

kristin7701 · May 2012

We're in a similar situation. We did not find out with #1 and never wavered from that decision. With #2, we had the u/s tech write it on the back of the u/s and put it in a sealed envelope. It stayed that way for months but that I had a terrible rib injury and was in excruciating pain. I felt like the only way I was going to make it through the rest of my PG was to know "who" I was doing it for. So we opened the envelope and never told anyone.

This time around, I feel more like knowing and I think DH is on board too. He says he's too old for surprises! (I am 41 and he is 40). I'd say there is a 75% chance we'll find out. I think it's mostly because we are curious if we are going to have all boys. I think if we already had a boy and a girl, we'd be less likely to want to know in advance.

LaurelBee · May 2012

I voted yes based solely on the reason that you're having a harder time bonding with the baby.

mizjodi · May 2012

how old are your first two kids? I'd say if you're on the fence, ask them! It will make them feel closer, depending on their ages.

My sister and BIL were team green on their two boys, but Michael was about 4 or 5 when she was pregnant w/dd, and he asked to find out, so they decided to go ahead and become team pink, and my sister never regretted it; it made their boys so happy!

FyreFlyeRush · May 2012

I was team green with DD and I loved it. The only thing that was frustrating was the green and yellow wardrobe. Travel system, nursery, etc I preferred gender neutral. This time, I had an amnio and opted to get the sex. I can honesty say I was as surprised at 18w as I was at 40w. Both made me cry. I still have gender neutral equipment and bedding, but I love being able to look at the clothes. I got him a Forest Gump outfit and a little Train Engineer one, too. If I were to have a third, I'd go team green again. Mainly because I liked the anticipation of not knowing. Everyone guessing and placing bets, the surprise when we said it was a girl. But, I wouldn't give up NOT knowing for anything!

mkflower3000 · May 2012

I will say, I really admire team greeners but I definitely don't have that kind of patience! Some of that may have to do with being a FTM, and part of me thinks that if I was having my 3rd child I might be willing to keep it a surprise... That being said, I did find it a little bit easier to bond with the baby after we found out the sex (only because we picked out the name early so were able to start using it right away).

flyer23 · May 2012

We found out with our first, not with our second. DH was the one who wanted to find out with both of the older kids, so I thought he'd want to find out again with this one... nope! Turns out we both loved the surprise. We're Team Green again for this one.

I didn't feel like we bonded with our daughter any more just because we knew what she was ahead of time.

That said, that's us. It's a really personal decision. I could never tell someone else what to do.

BrideNamedMeg · May 2012

We were team green for DD and DS, hospital and homebirth respectively. I like the anticipation and had so much fun thinking about what the baby would be, it definitely didn't interfere with bonding. When we have #3 I think I will be more tempted to find out than I was before. Someone will be sharing a room when we have another so that's kind of part of it, but I also sorta want to see what it's like to find out early and maybe do something fun like a revel party where you have a bakery put pink or blue frosting inside a cake and cut into it with family/friends around to see.

I don't know, I'm really no help since I'm of two minds, but if you think it'd help you bond better with the baby it might be a good idea. I don't think you'll regret it and your older kids might like knowing too.

blush64 · May 2012

I would find out. I did find out in the past and I plan again next time. I couldn't imagine doing it another way. IT's not for everyone though. If you are unsure then maybe it's not the right thing to do. As PP mentioned it could help make things a little more real and maybe help with bonding.

RockyMtnMama · May 2012

Thanks for the thoughts. I think I'm just more busy this time around and older, so pregnancy is just not on my mind a lot of times. It's more a function of being busy juggling work, elmentary school events, daycare activities, soccer schedules, summer camp scedules, and still having time to myself and with DH. So I think saying I'm not bonding was a little strong - I'm not detacted from the baby, just less absorbed in the pregnancy and birth planning. I've done this twice before so I'm just not sweating the small stuff.

That being said, I really am still leaning toward not finding out and DH doesn't mind so we're a little more like 70/30 after talking last night. Thanks for weighing-in.

InfinityDreamer · May 2012

RockyMtnMama:
Thanks for the thoughts. I think I'm just more busy this time around and older, so pregnancy is just not on my mind a lot of times. It's more a function of being busy juggling work, elmentary school events, daycare activities, soccer schedules, summer camp scedules, and still having time to myself and with DH. So I think saying I'm not bonding was a little strong - I'm not detacted from the baby, just less absorbed in the pregnancy and birth planning. I've done this twice before so I'm just not sweating the small stuff.

That being said, I really am still leaning toward not finding out and DH doesn't mind so we're a little more like 70/30 after talking last night. Thanks for weighing-in.

I understand what you mean about feeling less connected. This is my 3rd as well and while I am very excited I go about most of my day so busy with the other kids and everything else that I tend to forget I'm pregnant.

I found out the sex with my previous pregnancies. This is our last and we are team green because DH and I really wanted to be able to experience the surprise and him being able to announce the sex when he catches the baby.

I think looking back you'll more likely be thinking "I'm glad we were able to have that surprise" rather than "I wish we had known what the sex was just a little bit sooner."

flyer23 · May 2012

RockyMtnMama:

Thanks for the thoughts. I think I'm just more busy this time around and older, so pregnancy is just not on my mind a lot of times. It's more a function of being busy juggling work, elmentary school events, daycare activities, soccer schedules, summer camp scedules, and still having time to myself and with DH. So I think saying I'm not bonding was a little strong - I'm not detacted from the baby, just less absorbed in the pregnancy and birth planning. I've done this twice before so I'm just not sweating the small stuff.

That being said, I really am still leaning toward not finding out and DH doesn't mind so we're a little more like 70/30 after talking last night. Thanks for weighing-in.

I feel the exact same way about this third pregnancy just not being on my mind a lot of times, with everything else I'm juggling. I don't think it has anything to do with not knowing the sex.

Also, since people have mentioned older kids. DD is almost 5 and totally into/involved in my pregnancy, and doesn't seem bothered at all by the fact that we don't know the sex. I don't know that she even realizes that we could find out. Not knowing the sex is just another part of the pregnancy for her.

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