- Pregnancy
- Baby & Toddler
- Parents
- Getting Pregnant
- Baby Names
- Product Reviews
-
Registry
- Community
-
More
Want a personalized experience?
Download the free app
Blended Families
Sigir
member
Co-parenting classes or parent coordinator?
Sigir
member
I was thinking the other night how I really wish things were better with my exh. Yes, he is a total a-hole and makes things impossible for me, but the thought of having this 100% antagonistic relationship with him for the next 18+ years is very daunting. I was starting to think that maybe I should suggest we try something different, like co-parenting classes or a parent coordinator, and maybe I should ask my lawyer to put that into the next motion.
Have any of you taken co-parenting classes with a totally antagonistic birth parent, and did it help? I am just wondering if it is even worth trying, because he is SO antagonistic. If he goes into it with a terrible attitude and hating me, is it even worth it... and are there any lasting improvements or is it just lip service during the class and then back to the status quo?
I don't know much about parent coordinators- for those of you who use them, how do they work? Do they help with things like scheduling make-up parenting time or just with bigger things like deciding on a pre- or after-care provider? Do they get very involved in decisions and are their decisions binding ,or do they just facilitate prompt communication (i.e. making sure we keep working together until a solution is reached)? Did they cut back on the time you spend in court? How much do they cost?
Thanks so much for any input you all might have!
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Co-parenting classes or parent coordinator?
Based on what you've posted, I sort of have the impression that your XH knows exactly what he's doing, and gets some sort of enjoyment out of making your life hard.
If that's the case, I don't think anything will improve his behavior. That is, I can't imagine him having an epiphany about the error of his ways, and then turning into a nice guy.
But, maybe a therapist or professional would have some good ideas about coping with him, and how to respond to some of his threats.
DH and BM had to sign a contract to hire the Parenting Coordinator. You have to agree on the level of control to give to the PC. In some cases they can be given no binding decision-making power, only recommendations and interpretations. In other cases, they can be given full decision-making authority, including the ability to deviate from an existing CO if its in the child's best interest. Ours is somewhere in the middle. She has the ability to make binding decisions only to enforce the existing CO. You and your XH have to decide the level of decision-making authority to give to the PC. The contract also spells out the employment term -- ours if for 2 years, and can only be ended prior to that by mutual decision (yes, BM already tried to fire our PC).
We have been really happy with the PC. BM is very hostile and emotional (BPD) and there is no speaking rationally to her. The PC removes all of that. She handles most of the communication and we just have to bring up our issues to her.
The only thing ours cannot do is decide child support and other financial issues. Since that is set by state law, it has to be done in the courts. This has been the only thing we have gone to court over since hiring our PC.
Costs are a little less than hourly rate for a lawyer, and is split pro-rata. In the end, its way cheaper than each side having their own lawyers. Ours bills the same way as a lawyer (retainer, hourly rate). We did verify that if one person is abusing the PC's time, that she would have the authority to assign that person a higher share of the cost. That way one person can't bankrupt the other by bringing up every petty issue.
I think that hit all your questions. Let me know if you have more, I'm happy to talk about our experience.
just wanted to say thanks for asking this Sigir! I've learned a lot that I hope to share with DH as he and BM prepare for court, I'm thinking a PC is the route we need to go (since we are currently communicating through attorneys at $250/ hr)
I look forward to hearing anything else anyone might add!
I don't think forcing time together would help the situation. The only thing that has helped for us is to actually create a routine where we have less and less communication lol. SS is at the age where we rotate picking up from school. If he needs to go to the doctor DH texts BM and gets the health insurance card. We pay sports we enroll in on our own, she does the same.
Honestly I would not even know we were in a blended family except I still get the legal bills darn it.
IMO, co-parenting classes would be a waste of time for you in dealing with your X. In order to gain anything from the classes, the parents have to WANT to parent together for the sake of their child. Your ex has zero interest in this.